Guest list dilemma

janinekk

Hi everyone!

Getting married in just over 3 months and I'll be sending out the invites end of this month. Originally, we were going to do a big wedding in 2012, but decided to scale WAY back, keep it simple, and get married this September 1st. We are inviting parents, grandparents, siblings, and one or two friends each. My future MIL asked that we invite some aunts and uncles (from her side). We said okay. Then she wanted to add some cousins. I told her I wasn't sure and didn't want to add too many people - they're all married with kids. She said she would make sure they understood they couldn't bring their husbands or kids (which I think is wrong). We are not inviting cousins from other sides of the family (re-married parents). Talked to FH and he said absolutely not, they're not invited. We agreed to stay at 25 ppl MAX. Problem is, she's already told them about the wedding and that they're invited. =O( What do I do now? Am I obligated to invite them?? Should I just send the invites hoping they won't come since their families aren't invited and it's Labor Day weekend? And what if other family members who aren't invited find out and are hurt by this? Everyone attending is traveling.

Thanks!!

Habs2Hart

I think that a verbal invite = an actual invitation ONLY when it comes from the host of the event.  Are your in laws hosting? 

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-dilemma-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5fdf7a75-b564-488d-a3cb-b7967c839cf7Post:705381e2-f128-4148-8676-a0df358303db">Guest list dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi everyone! Getting married in just over 3 months and I'll be sending out the invites end of this month. Originally, we were going to do a big wedding in 2012, but decided to scale WAY back, keep it simple, and get married this September 1st. We are inviting parents, grandparents, siblings, and one or two friends each. My future MIL asked that we invite some aunts and uncles (from her side). We said okay. Then she wanted to add some cousins. I told her I wasn't sure and didn't want to add too many people - they're all married with kids. She said she would make sure they understood they couldn't bring their husbands or kids (which I think is wrong). We are not inviting cousins from other sides of the family (re-married parents). Talked to FH and he said absolutely not, they're not invited. We agreed to stay at 25 ppl MAX. Problem is, she's already told them about the wedding and that they're invited. =O( What do I do now? Am I obligated to invite them?? Should I just send the invites hoping they won't come since their families aren't invited and it's Labor Day weekend? And what if other family members who aren't invited find out and are hurt by this? Everyone attending is traveling. Thanks!!
Posted by janinekk[/QUOTE]

<div>A verbal invite from your MIL doesn't count, and she can apologize to them for being mistaken.  It is much less rude to do that than it is to send an invite splitting up a married couple.  Have your FI tell her to fix her mistake.</div>

Ghoti

You can't invite a cousin without his/her wife.

Talk to your FMIL (or have your FI talk), tell her THIS is your final guestlist, and anyone else she wants to add, she is responsible for paying for, including if it requires you to get a larger venue etc. It seems like damage control is all you can do now, after you talk to your FMIL and let her know how it's going down, call your cousins and apologize for the confusion, but you're having a super intimate wedding and your FMIL shouldn't have issued a verbal invitation. 

Someone will correct me if I'm wrong LOL. But it's the only thing that I can see doing. 

Ghoti

Ooh I like Beach's idea better, make the MIL call and apologize.

janinekk

Thanks everyone!! I do feel a bit bullied into it, and understand wanting to include people, but that would put us back at our original (unwanted) plan of a huge wedding. Also, none of my cousins or even his cousins from other sides of the family are being invited. It is also only his mom's siblings that are being invited. None of my uncles/aunts. We are paying for most of it although FMIL is giving us x amount to use "however we want". We planned our wedding without expecting any $ from anyone, so the extra money is great, but that doesn't mean we want to change our plans. We'd rather use that money towards stuff we were already planning on doing. And adding one set of cousins and not the others will just cause drama. I will tell FH to talk to his mom and tell her they're not invited. I feel so bad!!! I probably should've been more firm when I told her no.