Wedding Etiquette Forum

Anybody NOT to a father/daughter dance?

I'm trying to find a happy medium here.  My mom is li-vid at the idea of me having a father/daughter dance with my dad (divorced 20+ years ago, thinks he isn't a proper "representation" of my grandpa, etc).  I think it would look incredibly strange to have my brother dancing with me or just a mother/son dance, because it would be all "Why isn't Nugget dancing with her dad? He's right over there." Plus, we've been building our relationship more over the last few years even though we weren't very close until then.  I don't think my dad is expecting me to dance with him at the wedding, but he would be pleasantly surprised if I asked.  My mom is walking me down the aisle.  Noodle really wants to dance with his mom, so I'm not going to be able to cut out the parent dances altogether.

So, did anybody do some kind of alternative to the father/daughter dance?  Maybe someone in my situation, with divorced parents and a dad invited to the wedding?

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Re: Anybody NOT to a father/daughter dance?

  • We had no special dances other than our first dance. I personally dont care about them and no one in our families seemed to care that we didnt do them either.
  • She's all about the grandma dance, but no father-daughter dance?  Or was it FMIL that wanted the grandma dance?  I'm SO CONFUSED!

    But anyway, we're not having dancing at all.  My FSIL didn't do a father-daughter dance at her wedding recently.  If you don't want to do it, I don't think anybody will find it strange.
  • Well, my dad is dead, so no.

    But we are going to play a fun, upbeat song that the two of us enjoyed together when I was a kid and everyone who wants to is going to dance like normal to it.  I may or may not be saying a few words beforehand.
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  • Oh. I'm just skipping it. My dad and I aren't big dancers and FI doesn't want to do a mother/son dance (it reminds him of MotherBoy XXX on Arrested Development) so it works for us.

    I'm walking alone down the aisle, so I am unsure whether my dad will feel left out or not.
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  • I didn't have specific song in mind, nor was there an announcement. I just grabbed my dad during a song and we danced.

  • I do not want to do one. I don't know how my dad feels about it. I am hoping I will get away with no special dances outside of our first dance, period. I don't want to do it. At all.
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  • Oh. I'm just skipping it. My dad and I aren't big dancers and FI doesn't want to do a mother/son dance (it reminds him of MotherBoy XXX on Arrested Development) so it works for us.

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  • Would Noodle be okay with dancing with his mom at some point during the night, but not doing a spotlight dance? 

    You say your mom is against the father/daughter dance, but how do you feel about doing one?  If you want to dance with your dad, I think you should do it.

    Like you alluded to, I think that if you do any sort of alternative people will notice.  However, if you completely cut out that father/daughter dance, it may not be as noticeable.  I don't know, though.
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  • I didn't do a daddy daughter dance.  Course, he wasn't even invited, but whatevs.
  • Yeah I feel you on this one.  Even if a miracle occurs and we patch up with my parents, I will not be dancing with my father...mainly because that will give him an opportunity to talk nonsense for at least five minutes.

    I guess I never thought about how it would look if FI and FMIL did a mother-son dance and we didn't do anything.  If your FI really wants to dance with his mom, maybe start it as a mother/son dance and then invite all the mothers and sons to join in.

    I mean, either way people might wonder, "Oh?  No father/daughter dance?" but I don't think that its the kind of thing that will taint the entire evening with scandal.  Good luck!
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  • My dad doesn't dance.  I'd prefer not to do this, but mom wants us to.  I don't think dad cares, but he's so quiet you'd never know.  He refuses to give opinions on things like this.  So, I don't really have an answer for you - yet - from personal experience.

    For your situation - I think it would be more noticeable to do an alternative than to just skip it.  But - I really think this isn't up to your mom at all.  (I know, I know, my mom wants me to have one and I'm listening to her - but she's still married to my dad.)  I think this needs to be entirely up to you and your dad.  Entirely.

    Of course, you could always tell your mom you're not going to do it, have the DJ announce it, and tell your mom it was a slip up after the fact.  Or wait till she's in the bathroom. 
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  • Is it important to you that you dance with your father - regardless of the relationship you have?  If it is then dance with him. Maybe avoid telling mom, b/c IMHO, its none of her concern.  

    You mention that she doesn't think your dad is a "propr representation of your grandpa", did your grandfather help raise you? Is G-pa alive?  If so, I can see her concern, but its still really a matter of what is important to you. 
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  • My grandpa passed December of 2008, but yeah he pretty much raised me.  If he was still alive, he'd be walking me down the aisle and dancing with me, no questions asked.  I would actually be okay skipping it, and asking my dad to dance at a later part of the evening during a regular song.  I just hope it doesn't look wierd or odd or anything.

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  • I think it needs to come down to what you want. If you want to do a dance with him, then you should, and there's gotta be some way to work it out with your mom. Maybe you can tell her that Noodle wants to dance with his mom and you don't want it to be awkward, or come up with some other excuse.
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  • We didn't do a special F-D or M-S dance. I asked my dad to dance with me later during the reception.
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  • You could also do the F/D M/S dances at the same time so you aren't completely alone.
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  • I was like Ringy. I didn't have a dedicated dance with my Dad - he doesn't do it. We did dance together though, we just didn't treat it like it was a big deal.
  • I'm in the same situation. My father and I have only been talking for the past 3 years (he was absent for the previous 14). I don't want to do a father/daughter dance but FI says he definately wants a mother/son dance (his mom is his BFF).

    I'm not sure what to do. I was thinking I will probably just do a father/daughter dance. My mom will be pissed but what the heck. It might bring us closer together?
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