How do you address the situation of not wanting kids at the wedding?

hrymarz

I am trying to figure out the most polite way of wording on my fiance and my wedding website that we really do not want little kids at the wedding. This is a destination wedding so it may not be likely that they will bring kids in the first place. However has anyone done this and figured out a very nice and polite way of pointing out this is an adult event and we are asking kids to be left at home?

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-address-the-situation-of-not-wanting-kids-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:606ff516-e99f-4399-a94d-b03d91d5adaaPost:76e66e13-ed07-4939-ae64-80f0e57dc912">Re: How do you address the situation of not wanting kids at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]You address the invitions to the adults only. Then, you don't mention not wanting kids to come anyplace else.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

Exactly.  And if someone asks you, you can then say, "Unfortunately, it wasn't possible for us to invite the kids."  It's more tactful to say "wasn't possible" than "we don't want" so that's the wording I'd use.  You don't have to explain further.  But be prepared for people to not want to attend without their kids.

bethie0022

I was going to say you could put at the bottom of the invitation "Adult reception to immediately follow the ceremony." However, that could be tricky with a destination wedding. Eeek!

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-address-the-situation-of-not-wanting-kids-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:606ff516-e99f-4399-a94d-b03d91d5adaaPost:372960fa-1ce0-4a72-b2af-cafbc33f2eeb">Re: How do you address the situation of not wanting kids at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you address the situation of not wanting kids at the wedding? : No, you can't. Putting "adult reception" is rude. It is rude to point out who isn't invited and<strong> it is rude to insinuate that your guests are to stupid to figure out the invitation is for the people it is addressed to.</strong>
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

It's one of those bad etiquette situations where there is no good solution, because unfortunately too many people are too stupid to figure out that if their kids or whomever aren't listed, then they're not invited.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-address-the-situation-of-not-wanting-kids-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:606ff516-e99f-4399-a94d-b03d91d5adaaPost:f3fbc026-4bbe-4c9b-b333-bd06709ef13f">Re: How do you address the situation of not wanting kids at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you address the situation of not wanting kids at the wedding? : When you receive a response that includes people that weren't invited, you call, apologize for the misunderstanding and explain that the kids can't be accomodated.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

Right.  And then all hell breaks loose as the stupid people issue ultimatums, throw temper tantrums, etc.  We have another thread going on about that.

hrymarz

Regardless, if people show up with kids there is nothing you can really do and you just roll with it. I understand that is how it ultimately will be but I just have a couple kids that I am concerned about because they are not well behaved and we are outdoors with a small pool area with no babysitting available. Was just wondering if anybody else had encountered this and figured out a clever way to put this as not to offend anybody on a website.

Jen4948

If those parents indicate that they plan to bring their kids, tell them the situation: There is a pool and no babysitting available, and they will have to keep their kids under control.  Maybe they'll decide on their own not to bring the kids.  But as you said, if they bring them anyway, all you can do is roll with it.  Yeah, it's annoying.  But there is no way to "put it" on an invitation.  You can only tell them once they've responded, if they indicate that they want to bring their kids.

A thought: Does the pool area have any staff, like a lifeguard?  Maybe you can give them a heads-up that there might be kids coming who need to be kept away from the pool.

hrymarz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-address-the-situation-of-not-wanting-kids-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:606ff516-e99f-4399-a94d-b03d91d5adaaPost:d50bc849-9eae-4ffc-a3da-39d498d836bb">Re: How do you address the situation of not wanting kids at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]If those parents indicate that they plan to bring their kids, tell them the situation: There is a pool and no babysitting available, and they will have to keep their kids under control.  Maybe they'll decide on their own not to bring the kids.  But as you said, if they bring them anyway, all you can do is roll with it.  Yeah, it's annoying.  But there is no way to "put it" on an invitation.  You can only tell them once they've responded, if they indicate that they want to bring their kids. A thought: Does the pool area have any staff, like a lifeguard?  Maybe you can give them a heads-up that there might be kids coming who need to be kept away from the pool.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

<div>I mean its not a huge pool but the venue used to double as a residency and it is gated off so they shouldnt get in unless the climb over it. But no there is no lifeguard.</div>

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-address-the-situation-of-not-wanting-kids-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:606ff516-e99f-4399-a94d-b03d91d5adaaPost:356517b6-72ca-487e-bf8c-9182d66e5cad">Re: How do you address the situation of not wanting kids at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you address the situation of not wanting kids at the wedding? : I mean its not a huge pool but the venue used to double as a residency and it is gated off so they shouldnt get in unless the climb over it. But no there is no lifeguard.
Posted by hrymarz[/QUOTE]

I'd tell the parents that there is no lifeguard if the subject of the kids comes up.

Ilumine

My girlfriend was really sneaky with the return card for her invitation. RSVP ______ (1) ________(2) ___________ (unable to attend) Chicken _______(1) _________(2) vegetarian etc You get the idea. It made it very clear through the numbers in the response how many people were actually invited. Then she called the two families that added onto the invite and said something along the lines of "Marge, I just got your RSVP. While we would hae liked to have been able to accommodate Little Susie, it just wasn't possible to. therefore I will understand if you are unable to join us. But FI and I would love to get together with you, Frank and Susie when we get back" Tat last line was added to let Marge know that it wasn't necessarily her kid that was unlinked, but the rest was very concise to broke no discussion

arendiva

I'm planning to do



2 seats are reserved in your honor

John Doe      Accept_____   Decline _____
Jane Doe      Accept_____   Decline _____


That way people have it spelled out on the envelope by name, the RSVP by name, and a clear indication that no other seats are available. I'm hoping that this is sufficient because I'm truly averse to kids at weddings.

hrymarz

Okay, so I understand and have understood the addressing envelopes to only parents means only the adults but I know some people have had like an FAQ on a wedding website. I was wondering if anybody had a way to put it under that creatively and kindly. 

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-address-the-situation-of-not-wanting-kids-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:606ff516-e99f-4399-a94d-b03d91d5adaaPost:71c4425e-fd0a-4825-9d64-6bb18e8592b7">Re: How do you address the situation of not wanting kids at the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you address the situation of not wanting kids at the wedding? : So what? You stand firm and be the bigger person, that's what good manners and etiquette are about. <strong> You do NOT put "no kids" on the invites / STD/ wedding website, period.</strong> If you're concerned you have trusted firend and family discreetly spread the word by mouth. It's not complicated. 
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

Excuse me, but I don't appreciate your tone.  I never advised anything <strong>but</strong> "standing firm and being the bigger person," and I NEVER advised what's in the bold, so where the heck are you getting that from?  Were you just looking for an excuse to be snide?