Best friend/fiance drama

paopou

My best friend and my fiance used to be friends,in fact she was the one who introduced us and I thought that if we got married she'll be my maid of honor. Well, they got in a stupid fight 5 years ago and they haven't talk to each other anymore. My "BF" got married last year and I was part of the WP, but my then boyfriend wasn't invited (he proposed two weeks before her wedding). She apologized and explained to me that she didn´t have enough seats for everybody and budget was tight, etc. I think she had a different reason, since I saw how she handled last minute extra tickets to another friend the day before the wedding (of course my fiance doesn't know this). The thing is that he felt terrible and doesn't want to invite her to our wedding. I agree with him, but since she is (was?) my BF I feel guilty. She's been asking me about the wedding and I haven't told her anything. I don't know how to tell her she's not invited. Should I forgive her and invite her? should I try to convince my fiance? or should I just tell her "sorry, it's your own fault" knowing that I'd lose that friendship forever?

Jamilynn627

What exactly was the "stupid" fight about? It seems petty that they haven't talked in 5 years. I would try to convince the two of them to reconcile. 

Rachiemoo

I would invite her, but not invite her significant other.

sjnsjnsjn

If she's your best friend, I think you should invite her.  I know it sucks to be the bigger person, but I think that's the best plan here.  Sorry that you're in the middle of this sucktastic situation.

slbriz34

If you *are* friends, then you need to sit with her, tell her that what she did at the wedding (in light of allowing last minute guests) was shaddy and she and your FI need to sit down and hash things out.  If that doesn't work and FI still doesn't like her, you should still invite her and her husband (since she is now married), but be sure to seat them far away from where you and FI will be.

There are certainly folks we are inviting that I'm not thrilled with, but it's not just your wedding, it's his too, so with that in mind, I just don't plan to pay much attention to these folks and have seated them accordingly. 

GL and keep us posted, I'd be curious as to how this resolves itself.  Oh, one final thing, while not boasting, if someone asks about your wedding, don't feel like you can't say anything.  Certainly folks who aren't invited (or it's still in the air whether an invite will be extended) ask me how things are progressing and while I don't like to talk about it because I am so over all the planning, I usually answer the question without divulging too much. 

MrsKocal

If you were in her wp and you don't even invite her to your wedding, expect the friendship to be over.  Not being invited to your bf's wedding is huge, regardless of who her fi is.  I think you guys need to sit down and talk things out, unless you are willing to cut ties and move on from the friendship.

ThePinkSuperhero

Did they used to have a thing?  It sounds like they used to have a thing.  I'd let it lie, and keep her out.

Jane_Birkin

um, how much do you really value this friendship? because i can tell you that if i was your best friend and you didn't invite me to your wedding, that would absolutely be THE END. what do you do when it's your birthday? not invite her to your party because your man is there? i have friends FH does not like one bit, and he has several friends that i strongly dislike and do everything i can to avoid talking to them. but neither of us disputes the other inviting them to the wedding. that said, i agree with you that it was COMPLETELY messed up for her to not invite your FH to her wedding when you were in the wedding party. was the fight really over something stupid?

my own personal motto is that you can't let a man come between you and your girlfriends, but maybe you are willing to make a choice here.

paopou

Thanks for your responses!! They never dated, but she dated my FH's brother and it didn´t end very well. At some point he took his brother side and they fought about it. During the last 5 years we've been living in NY and she stayed in our hometown in Mexico, so every time I visit I just go out with her or other friends, I never had to deal with them being in the same room. My fiance was cool with her, he even offered to help her to get a job when she was having a bad financial situation. But every time I fought with him and I told her about it, she just kept acumulating bad feelings about him... she's a very resentful person and I think she never forgave him... I know I need to talk to her and at the same time I want my wedding day to be special and not to think about any of this... I felt really hurt when I saw she was handling those extra tickets to our friend for people she didn´t even know (*sigh). I love my fiance and he's a very good man, he's the love of my life and I don´t want to hurt my relationship because of her.  I'm very confused right now.

slbriz34

With that history, it seems to me that she took a little stab at him by not extending an invite and that obviously affected you.  Yes, definitely sit down but given what you wrote, if your FI has tried his best and she's like this, then perhaps it's time to move on.

calli0pe00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-new-york-city_friendfiance-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:114Discussion:c3a9101b-4e04-430f-884a-cb12aba54854Post:b1e95b13-7bb1-45e6-ab2b-70cb367c77ed">Re: Best friend/fiance drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for your responses!! They never dated, but she dated my FH's brother and it didn´t end very well. At some point he took his brother side and they fought about it. During the last 5 years we've been living in NY and she stayed in our hometown in Mexico, so every time I visit I just go out with her or other friends, I never had to deal with them being in the same room. My fiance was cool with her, he even offered to help her to get a job when she was having a bad financial situation. But every time I fought with him and I told her about it, she just kept acumulating bad feelings about him... she's a very resentful person and I think she never forgave him... I know I need to talk to her and at the same time I want my wedding day to be special and not to think about any of this... I felt really hurt when I saw she was handling those extra tickets to our friend for people she didn´t even know (*sigh). I love my fiance and he's a very good man, he's the love of my life and I don´t want to hurt my relationship because of her.  I'm very confused right now.
Posted by paopou[/QUOTE]
Wow, a lot of drama. But you know what, at the end of the day its you and your fiances wedding. Are you and her close? Do you call her up regularly or rely on her for support? Either way, invite her to the wedding. You'll be the bigger person, and it does suck, but you will have always come out as doing the right thing. You are not required to give her an ounce of attention at the reception. If you don't care about your relationship with her, don't invite her. Give her the same excuse of budget.