Elopement and then party?

Froidinslip

My FI and I have decided to elope in about a month and a half. We have always talked about having a small intimate wedding and we have decided that getting married in a donut shop in Oregon is the way to go. My problem is our families expect a moderately sized wedding with family and friends. Also, I am the only girl in my family so my mom has been having dreams of a big white wedding for years.

We would like to have some sort of celebration after I graduate from college next year with friends and family so that everyone gets to be a part of our wedding. How can we handle this with a minimum amount of irritation and unhappiness for all of our family?

Additionally: My FI and I don't have a ton of money and we are both students. I am in my senior year so planning a wedding is not something I want to start as I am finishing school - too much stress. My family is all at leat 9 hours away and his is a maximum of an hour away. This has the potential to be a mess.

chelseamb11

I like crfb's advice.  You cannot have a second wedding as the donut shop wedding/elopement IS your wedding.  Either that or have a vow renewal down the road, maybe at your 5th anniversary when you are out of school and settled in life?

Elinetrouwt

Either your mom gets the big white wedding, or she doesn't. You can't give her that after your wedding, and you know, it doesn't matter. Your mom had her chance to have her wedding her way (I hope for her she did), now you can have the wedding you want. And if that's in a doughnut shop in Oregon, that's fine.

We're doing the big white wedding and then an intimate Oregon experience as our honeymoon ;-)

Of course you can have any kind of party after your elopement, just don't call it a wedding and don't wear the dress.

Loopyseven

The only way to have a wedding reception next year is if the WEDDING is next year also and invite everyone to both.  What's the rush to elope now?  

Ditto PP's you can have a housewarming party next year, or just a party to have a party but it shouldn't be wedding related at all if the guests at the party weren't invited to the wedding.

Mrs.B6302007

I want to know more about what I assume must be amazing donuts if they're wedding-inducing.  =-)

goobersinlove

If you decide to elope, that is your wedding. And that means that you, your family and your friends forego any pre-wedding or post-wedding parties.  There's nothing wrong with eloping - lots of knotties here did and and we're so happy with their decision. BUT you must be at peace with the fact that you do not get to elope and have wedding parties or receptions with people who weren't invited to your actual wedding. Does this make sense?  It's also highly frowned upon to elope, and then have what is know as a Pretty Princess Day (PPD) wherein you have a faux wedding with all the bells and whistles and you pretend like you're getting married again.  So, before you elope, make sure you and your FI are truly OKAY with not having all the usual festivities that normally surround traditional weddings - and this will likely mean explaining that to your families as well.  If that sounds good to you, go for it and be happy!

Moving into a new home? Great, throw a housewarming party.  Graduating college? Have a graduation party. But this would not be a wedding reception, and should not include anything wedding-y like a ceremony, first dances, cake-cutting, etc.

If you want, you can choose to do a vow renewal at a later anniversary or whatever.  But it is also not a do-over wedding and shouldn't be treated as such.

sparent2010

I am assuming Vodoo Donuts and they are pretty stellar http://voodoodoughnut.com/weddings.php

Sp2012

One of my friends did this.  They went down to the courthouse and got married, then had a more traditional religious ceremony in her parents backyard - she's Indian, I forget which religion.  It was very small, family only, maybe 1 or 2 friends.  Most of us heard about it afterwards.

About a year later they had a big party - dressed in traditional beautiful Indian garb, no registry, no gifts asked for.  They rented out a room, hosted dinner, a live band, and dancing.  No ceremonial cake or grand entrance, speeches, etc.  We all had a really fun time.  I brought a gift b/c it felt weird not to - a nice "wedding" cookbook from Williams Sonoma - they were really into food.

I thought nothing of it back then, but  now having read through so much stuff I realize why they did it as they did..

Mrs.B6302007

I think I just gained 5 pounds reading the menu!

Froidinslip

Voodoo Doughnuts is the place for us. I definitely like the idea of just having a celebration that isn't a "Wedding." Neither of us really want anything big or fancy, but our family will want to celebrate with us so we'll just have a party.