you're too young to make this decision.

beccagenua

thank you all for the advice!

WildRumpus

Just smile sweetly and say "We've talked this through and feel that we're ready", and don't act like a brat when it comes up. That's really all you can do.

andyandhillary

Just respond that it is their opinion and you respect it but you and your FI feel ready and that's what is important. 

Do they give you reasons that you shouldn't get married or is it just the age?  If they are giving you reasons it never hurts to think about them, you know? 

brookelynpaisley

The only thing you can do is say "thank you for your concern, FI and I are confident we're making a mature decision."

All I can say is that as you get older, you get perspective. Looking back, I certainly wasn't ready to get married at 23, and that's probably what these people were thinking. They easily forget, however, that they're not in your head, or your relationship. You're the only one who can make your decisions, so while criticism is tough, you need to learn to shrug it off.

Stackeye210

Tell us about yourself, and the reasons people are giving that you shouldn't get married. 

crfische

What stacks said. What are they saying to you?

Also, if you believe you are ready to get married and you're mature enough for that commitment, why do you care what other people think?

Every 23 year old is different. SOme are ready, some aren't.

Much like every 30 year old is different. Some are ready, some aren't.

kkchisholm

I'm 23- and I know I am on the younger side, but I  too would be annoyed if my own family or friends were saying that.

Sorry that's happening I think pp advice is good. Why do you think they are saying these things?

backwardsdog

I got the same reaction, too. I just thanked the person for their concern, but assured them that my fiance & I talked about it and that we are both confident in our love and our relationship. I said, I know we are young, but I know our relationship is strong.

And then, depending on how close I was to the person, or how upset I felt, I added "if it doesn't last, I know I can count on you to support me, but please trust us and this decision."

You have to put yourself in their perspective. Did they get married young, then have a divorce? Were they burned by their ex calling off their engagement? Sometimes it's genuine concern, sometimes it's people letting their own experiences decide how your life will be.

brookelynpaisley

You could also quote bride2be2pretty and tell them your love doesn't check ID.

crfische

I think a lot of the time, it's what Brooke said.

When I look on me at 23 and me at 29, I'm just SUCH a different person than I was then. I'm not saying that it's right or wrong, but I think that's where a lot of the concern comes from. Not necessarily that they've been burned or divorced. That's just as an unfair assumption as one assuming you are too young to be married.

There's just a lot of life to live and I think sometimes people who are older than you are don't want you to look back and regret that you jumped into marriage too soon, or didn't experience everything you could have.

Like i said, I don't think 23 is necessarily too young. For some, it is. For others, it's not. But I do understand where the concern comes from, and if there are A LOT of people saying that to you, then I would take a look at why they are questioning it.

Stackeye210

Yes, what Fish said.  Also, if you plan on marrying for a lifetime......what's a few more years of waiting before you get married?  Maybe that's just the point these people are trying to make.

lat1019

I am 24 and getting married and I have run into this a few times myself. All I said is that we have been together for a long time and while I know people change as they get older I am confindent that we will grow together. You can get married young and get divorced or you can get married older and get divorced... age is not a factor! You know your relationship and what is right for you! There is no right or wrong!!

jasmineh7777

I am 21 and honestly, I haven't heard much of this. I think it is partly because getting married young is very common here. I also think it is because both FI and myself have been supporting ourselves since we finished high school. We have already bought a house together, work, go to school, etc.

Do they have specfic concerns? Are they worried that you won't be able to support yourselves? That you don't know eachother well enough?

katiewhompus

I ran into this at 26, so pretty much if they are older than you they will probably think you are too young. Honestly, when I look at me when I was 18, 20, 23 I just shake my head. Every single age I thought I was the most mature, smartest person on earth and looking back, I was just a kid. I can easily see where people think, "23? That's just out of college! She hasn't had time to deal with 'the real world' much less get married."

All you can do is make sure it is right for you and that you are both confident in your decision. If a person acts like they are younger (not saying you do, just in general) then people outside the relationship are going to assume the worst. If a person acts more maturely than their age I doubt they will get comments about their age.

Many of the knotties here who are younger have a maturity level so far above their age that I would never think they are getting/got married too young. It's all about the age of maturity, not the age on the paper.

On_Cloud_Nine

I'm 23, and I honestly haven't had one person tell me I'm too young or why don't I wait longer.

All I can say is to tell people thanks for their concern, but you and your FI are secure in your relationship and are ready for this step.

theresat858

My parents were 22 when they got married and have been married now for almost 40 years.
Ignore things people's own insecurities are making them say.  If you and fiance are ready, brush off their comments.  If their comments bring up concerns within yourself, maybe question if you really are ready - but as long as you are certain, don't worry about it.

Calumet

I'm 22, and I run into this type of comment quite a bit from strangers. Never from friends and family who know me, and my relationship. I just laugh or smile, and say "I guess that time will tell" and walk away. People shouldn't judge what they don't have any concept of. That said, if my mother was horrified, or my best friend, I would do some thinking about what made them say that. In the end though, you need to search yourself for whether these people have a point, or are just projecting as some PP suggested.

debra84

So long as you have thought things through and you are happy with the decision, you're set.

My family and friends have been asking when it was going to happen for years. He proposed when we were 24 and we had all sorts of comments like "it's about time". Of course we had dated for 8 years at the time of the proposal. We'll be married on June 19 (roughly 9 1/2 years together). We wanted to be through college and have full-time jobs. Still, we had people wanting us to do it their way.

People are always going to have an opinion and more often than not they are also going to share it with you. In the end you just have to make the decisions that are right for you.