Babies at Wedding

emma5w

After lots of careful consideration, FH and I have decided to have an adults-only ceremony and reception - 18 and over.  We have SO many friends and fmaily with kids that it would increase our guest list by about 50% if we allowed kids to come.  That being said, we have several friends who are currently pregnant and will have very young babies at the time of our wedding (10/23/10).  We are going to hire babysitters for the OOT guests' children, and local people can hire their own babysitters.  But one of my bridesmaids is coming from OOT, her (local) parents are also coming to the wedding, and she will will have a 1-month old.  She keeps talking about how great it will be to have her mom there to watch the baby so she can be in the wedding and not have to leave the baby at home.  How do I tell her that we'd prefer her baby not come?  I understand that she's traveling from far away, and that her mom will be there, but...if we let one person bring their baby and not others, we'll definitely hear about it (well, I'm sure WE won't hear about it, but other people will).  Help!

britne28

You cannot tell a new mother to leave a 1 month baby at home, especially if she is breast feeding.  Most people make an exception for babies under a year old.

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-wedding-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6153a020-c4d3-497e-b16e-7289b08ffdbdPost:eb1e0467-5165-4647-b9dd-ce6e441b34b1">Re: Babies at Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]You cannot tell a new mother to leave a 1 month baby at home, especially if she is breast feeding.  Most people make an exception for babies under a year old.
Posted by britne28[/QUOTE]

<div>This. If you tell her to not bring her child, be prepared that she may not come to your wedding. </div>

zippityb

The baby will probably be asleep the entire time.

tidetravel

If she's breastfeeding, you should consider giving her an exception (and anyone else that is, really).  Guests will not be offended that very young babies are there - they should understand.  I personally wouldn't bring a baby that young to a large gathering of people due to the potential for exposure.  That being said, I would also not leave the baby with a stranger, and especially not in a room full of other kids.

You can tell her that it's no kids, but expect her to decline the invitation.

pumpkinpumpkin

ditto everything else.

Also, don't hire babysitters. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my (hypothetical) children with a stranger.

nda_roxybabe

As zippity said that baby will likely sleep the entire time. IMO, that is way too young of a baby tor the mother to be asked to leave it at home.

kkchisholm

I would never ever leave my child with a sitter you hired. Think about it.. I am from out of town so I have never met them....especially if they were only 1 month old.

noelle24

She's a BM in your wedding and coming from OOT.  What do you expect her to do with a 1 month old breastfeeding infant?

It's a nice thing to do if you make an exception for breastfeeding infants.  They aren't going to be running around and making a mess of things like toddlers. 

Be prepared that she might step down from your wedding (and that your other guests with infants will decline to attend) if you stand firm on this point.

banana468

You can say, "I just want to let you know that the wedding is adults only so no one under 18 will be invited. "

That said, this kid will be just 1 mo old.  That's almost too young for a sitter but too young to go out too - but that's all up to the parents.

You need to be prepared that the BM will decline as a result.

Remember, there's a huge difference between a breastfeeding infant and one who will draw on your dress with blue crayon.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-wedding-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6153a020-c4d3-497e-b16e-7289b08ffdbdPost:8e70123a-dbe6-4332-a06b-90a1787046f3">Re: Babies at Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]As zippity said that baby will likely sleep the entire time.
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]
see, i don't get this argument. if that's true, why are there so many stories of new parents who never get any sleep because of their screaming baby?

that said...while it's not required to allow the baby, and i'm generally of the mind that babies shouldn't get an exception unless the bride and groom want to do so - the fact that she's a bm and the crotch dropping will only be <strong>one</strong> month old, i think this may be a case where an exception is advisable. if she wasn't a bm, and just a regular guest, i'd be singing a different tune.

kate51485

Daff, you've gone soft. 

zippityb

I used to babysit a baby who was 1-2 months old. She slept the entire time I was watching her, which was long enough for the parents to go to dinner and a movie in the evening. I had to wake her up to feed her and change her and she never cried. It was the best damn babysitting gig I ever had, and I was so upset that they moved away.

cougarette

And I don't think the other parents will be upset - come on, it's a 1 month old.  Make the exception for your BM.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

At 1 month, probably the only person she'd feel comfortable leaving her baby with is her mother. So if she can't bring the baby, either she will have to stay home (if she is breast feeding) or her mother might not be able to come to the wedding. Basically, decide which consequence you are willing to live with.

I might be giving people the benefit of the doubt, but I think parents understand that a 1 month old is different than a 4 year old, and your childcare options are much more limited with the former, and therefore won't hold it against you. Also, some people DO make exceptions for children of immediate family and children of wedding party members.

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-wedding-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6153a020-c4d3-497e-b16e-7289b08ffdbdPost:52451ee6-06e1-4ccf-aebf-188fbd39a2aa">Re: Babies at Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Babies at Wedding : <strong>see, i don't get this argument. if that's true, why are there so many stories of new parents who never get any sleep because of their screaming baby?</strong> that said...while it's not required to allow the baby, and i'm generally of the mind that babies shouldn't get an exception unless the bride and groom want to do so - the fact that she's a bm and the crotch dropping will only be one month old, i think this may be a case where an exception is advisable. if she wasn't a bm, and just a regular guest, i'd be singing a different tune.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

That's because the little hellspawn only sleep when you don't want them to sleep.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-wedding-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6153a020-c4d3-497e-b16e-7289b08ffdbdPost:7e48e9f5-0b47-4d6e-bc26-a0553bdbe37d">Re: Babies at Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Daff, you've gone soft.  :)
Posted by kate51485[/QUOTE]
it's pitiful.

tidetravel

see, i don't get this argument. if that's true, why are there so many stories of new parents who never get any sleep because of their screaming baby

There are babies that have chronic colic and cry for hours on end for no reason, but I think the majority of the time it's not that the parents get no sleep because their child is crying - it's simply because the baby is demanding.  Speaking to my own experience, Taryn would eat every 2-3 hours at that age.  Considering that it took 1/2 - 1 hour to feed and burp her, 15 min of playtime and then 15 - 30 min of trying to get her to go back to sleep, there left very little time to get any sleep.  Forget trying to eat or shower on some days.  Even now, she sleeps longer during the night, but during the day she still eats every 3 hours like clockwork.

DD will whimper if she's hungry or wet or bored.  If I don't meet her needs, that's when she starts screaming.   

janedoe1113a

I think you should allow her to bring her child, especially if she's from OOT.  If you don't, then you're going to have to expect either her or her mother to decline.  Is her husband going to be coming to the wedding?

emma5w

Thanks, girls.  You're all right...other guests should be accepting of a 1-month old baby being allowed and their 5-year old terrors being excluded.  But knowing some of those guests...we'll hear about it anyway.  But I get what everyone is saying, and I guess I needed someone to tell me that it was ok for me to say she can bring her while other kids have to stay home.  As far as people not knowing the babysitters we're plannig to hire, they will be the younger siblings (16 years old) of other guests, so most of the OOT guests actually will know them. 

I really didn't want to have to tell her no, but there are some rather obnoxious family members who will take issue with it - either way. 

Thanks!

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-wedding-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6153a020-c4d3-497e-b16e-7289b08ffdbdPost:52451ee6-06e1-4ccf-aebf-188fbd39a2aa">Re: Babies at Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Babies at Wedding : see, i don't get this argument. if that's true, why are there so many stories of new parents who never get any sleep because of their screaming baby? Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

Because those of us who had relatively easy babies don't go around spreading those tales.

nda_roxybabe

Daff- In my experience little babies sleep a lot during then day then unfortunately, not so much at night. Wishful thinking

OP- Yes, as long as your other guests children are not being little breastfed babies its ok for them to not be invited even with te 1 month old coming.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-wedding-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6153a020-c4d3-497e-b16e-7289b08ffdbdPost:b02feea9-ff90-4165-99dd-08e8192db336">Re: Babies at Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE] But knowing some of those guests...we'll hear about it anyway. 
Posted by emma5w[/QUOTE]
then fuuck 'em.

goheels05

I giggled at "crotch dropping."  There should be a pill for that.  Oh wait, there is.