Money Dance

acbell4415

My family is very generous with money and its a tradition to have a money dance at the wedding.

My future mother-in-law (who i get along with really well) expressed her concern that it is tacky. I don't want to upset her... but I know that if I do have a money dance I will get a lot of cash.

I don't want people to pin money on my dress, and I also have concerns because I want a classy wedding...

Please let me know what you think

brilibby4

i think if there is anyone who will be offended or think you are tacky for having one, you shouldn't.  In your situation it sounds like your fiance's family will probably judge you and fi for having one, so I wouldn't if I were you.  If they are the norm with both sides of your family I don't really have a problem with them.  In my area they are very common (as are cash bars) and I haven't been to a wedding without one.  However, I still probably won't do either.

strlzfan11

I think a lot really depends on where you're from and how things like that are viewed.  I grew up in an area where they are very popular, but I have noticed that they are starting to die out some.  If your MIL thinks they're tacky then there's a good chance some of your guests will, too, but if it's something that has been at every single wedding in your family it will probably be expected that you have one as well.  If I were you I'd look at it as having the opportunity to dance with members of your family and not a way to make extra cash.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-dance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:618574d9-6792-43c9-9322-bef1df7692b3Post:51e67a66-5bfb-4bcb-941f-ff0a27c9c5cc">Money Dance</a>:
[QUOTE]My family is very generous with money and its a tradition to have a money dance at the wedding. My future mother-in-law (who i get along with really well) expressed her concern that it is tacky. I don't want to upset her... <strong>but I know that if I do have a money dance I will get a lot of cash</strong>. I don't want people to pin money on my dress, and I also have concerns because I want a classy wedding... Please let me know what you think
Posted by acbell4415[/QUOTE]


I realize that to your family, money dances are nice.  But to your future in laws, it is tacky since your mother in law expressed her concern.  If you're going to offend half your guests, you should really consider NOT doing it.

Also, dear god, the bolded part makes me roll my eyes.  HARD.

Calumet

For the record I had never even heard of these before coming on the Knot, and it sounds VERY tacky to me.

Honestly, if you don't do one, and your family is used to giving money during this bizarre ritual... they will have already planned on giving you that money, and probably still will. They'll just put it in your card box.

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-dance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:618574d9-6792-43c9-9322-bef1df7692b3Post:51e67a66-5bfb-4bcb-941f-ff0a27c9c5cc">Money Dance</a>:
[QUOTE]My family is very generous with money and its a tradition to have a money dance at the wedding. My future mother-in-law (who i get along with really well) expressed her concern that it is tacky. I don't want to upset her... but I know that if I do have a money dance I will get a lot of cash. I don't want people to pin money on my dress, and I also have concerns because I want a classy wedding... Please let me know what you think
<p>Posted by acbell4415[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>Hell to the no, but then, I'm not Greek. If you are and this is cultural, I would express that to your MIL. If, on the other hand, this is simply to make you $'s, I'd take your MIL's advice. </p>

MissIntentional

all the weddings i've been to have had them. everyone expected us to do one, but i was very uncomfortable with it.

redheadfsu

Personally, I find them uncomfortable/ tacky. If it is a tradition in your family than I wouldn't judge you for doing it, but as it sounds like your FI's side will be uncomfortable you may want to skip it.

Beachy730

H's family wanted me to have one because they are Polish, but I refused to do it.  I have seen it done at 1 wedding and didn't think it was horrible at the time, but I really didn't want it for my wedding.  I would feel way too uncomfortable and tacky on the dance floor telling these friends and family that if they want to dance with me and spend time with me at my wedding they had to pay me money, on top of the wedding gift they already gave me.

marisah83

I've only seen it once, and while everyone there seemed into it, it just seemed odd to me and was not my cup of tea.

katiewhompus

I had a dollar dance because it was a big deal to my relatives. My grandmother actually started crying on the phone when dad told her there would not be a dollar dance. I finally caved beacuse I had already taken away a lot of things that were a big deal to her (married an Asian, no church wedding, not in MN, etc) so I wanted to make her happy.

It was definitely awkward, as it was not a tradition followed by the VA locals or Scott's family but we still made it work. My grandpa danced with me and made me cry (happy) and my grandma still can't stop talking about dancing with Scott. It definitely wasn't the huge money maker everyone talks about though.

Brie2010

It's never a good idea to dance for money.  Think about it.

golden1215

Not sure where someone got the info that you're Greek but, if you are, I would have one and not feel awkward at all.

Most Greeks carry large amounts of cash to wedding that they plan to give the couple during dancing and I would not assume like a PP that they would just then put it in your card box if there was no dancing.

quotequeen

but I know that if I do have a money dance I will get a lot of cash.

Doing it for the money is horribly tacky.  The only way it's acceptable is because you're doing it out of tradition and NOT because you care about getting money.  And if half your guest list is going to be offended, you should still probably skip it.

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-dance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:618574d9-6792-43c9-9322-bef1df7692b3Post:e6a7045a-fff7-4617-8bf9-f331d84fe008">Re: Money Dance</a>:
[QUOTE]Not sure where someone got the info that you're Greek but, if you are, I would have one and not feel awkward at all. Most Greeks carry large amounts of cash to wedding that they plan to give the couple during dancing and I would not assume like a PP that they would just then put it in your card box if there was no dancing.
<p>Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>I'm not sure if she's Greek, but she mentioned it being traditional, thus my comment that if OP is Greek, I would feel that the dance is more acceptable. </p>

loop0406

Every wedding I've been to has money (dollar dance). The MOH and Best Man stand on sides of the bride/groom and they collect the money. There's actually bags and baskets named specifically dollar dance bags. So the money won't be pinned on your dress/tux which would look tacky

I would suggest it, both of my brothers received over $1K from the dollar dance (most guests throw in $20, $50, $100 bills) and used the money for honeymoon expenses

baystateapple

If you think/know that one or both families do not honor this tradition, and think it's tacky, don't do it.

If it's not traditional in both families -- and from your OP, it sounds like it's not -- you really should pass.

sarahmwilcox

I think that you should have one if it's a tradition in your family. Make sure the DJ says something like " Now its time for a long-standing tradition in the brides family...". That way it is totally clear that is a tradition in your family, and not just you being selfish. I feel like that should appease your FMIL, having her side know that it is a tradition in your family.

barbbhoww

We did, nobody was offended and it was a lot of fun.

katiewhompus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-dance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:618574d9-6792-43c9-9322-bef1df7692b3Post:9a448059-9732-48a4-b669-5879a914cdd5">Re: Money Dance</a>:
[QUOTE]Every wedding I've been to has money (dollar dance). The MOH and Best Man stand on sides of the bride/groom and they collect the money. There's actually bags and baskets named specifically dollar dance bags. So the money won't be pinned on your dress/tux which would look tacky I would suggest it, both of my brothers received over $1K from the dollar dance (most guests throw in $20, $50, $100 bills) and used the money for honeymoon expenses
Posted by loop0406[/QUOTE]

Well damn, I got $60 out of it! It doesn't work so well if people aren't familiar with the tradition/carry cash to the wedding.

mysticl

It's a tradition in my family and the families of many of my friends.  I have never seen the money pinned on the bride's dress.  Whoever is coordinating the dance collects the money in a bag or envelope, etc and then makes sure it is put in a safe place. 

kayla.tastikk

It's big in our social circles, and the last wedding I went to in May, they didn't pin it on the bride or groom, the aunt that "hosted" that dance held a box for people to deposit it in, and she also controlled when the partners would switch out. The couple came away with, hold on, wait for it, $5,000. That's not even counting the money they got as gifts, gift cards, etc.

nda_roxybabe

I'm sorry but classy and money dance do not go together.

mariannate2012

its what u want..its ur day....i hadnt heard of the tradition till i went to my fiances cousins weddings, apperntly its popular in their family...an i love it..i think its cute...an u get to dance with everyone and they get to share a moment with u.....u cant please everyone at ur wedding....its your and ur fiances day....do what makes u happy and if you will regret doing it or not doing it.........

MissLeahM

Its tradition with my side of the family but personally I find it tacky, so we skipped it (plus Ry's family have never heard of it) and no one minded at all. I think people would have minded if we did do it. 

You may get a lot of money but a wedding isn't a fundraiser, its a celebration. 

We ended up playing a song that invited everyone to dance with us.

kliberti

I've been to weddings with the dollar dance, I've participated but I am personally not a fan and won't have it at my wedding.  However I can't hold it again anyone else for doing it.

amk27560

I think a lot of it is the area you are in. Where I am from most people do a "dollar dance," so it isn't percieved as tacky. If you have been to a lot of weddings in your area with it, and you really want to do it, then I say go for it. If it isn't as common in your area, and would be new to most of your guests, then I would say it would have a really good possibility as coming across as tacky. I agree with the above mentioned suggestion of having the DJ announce it if it is a tradition in your family. That way it comes across as something that is done because of tradition. If you do go for it, make sure you explain why you are doing it to you FMIL - if she is suprised with it she could be really upset.

temerityjane

I know people say it depends on the area you're from to discern whether or not it will be found to be tacky, but it's done a LOT in the area where I'm from and I STILL find it tacky.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I also think that if your FMIL is expressing that she thinks it's tacky, it means her side of the family isn't familiar with the tradition. In that case, I would not have it. (In my situation, my FI has seen dollar dances at family weddings. I have not and my family would be mortified, so i put my foot down.)

2005sylvia

No to the money dance!  Your FMIL is right...it is a bit tacky.  You will get money from the wedding presents anyway...

[Deleted User]

It depends on what is accepted in your family/social circle.

We had one at our wedding and we didn't receive any side eyes for it. All the weddings of family and friends that I have been to have had one, so it wasn't a big deal for us. I wasn't expecting a lot of money or anything and we didn't get a lot.