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Etiquette

adding to the wedding party after drop outs

*This is not my issue. 

I'm asking for an acqaintance.

So one of my acqaintances is getting married at the end of the year She originally asked 4 girls to be bridesmaids. They all originally accepted. After weeks go by, they all drop out one by one for whatever reason (i.e. financial problems, sick relatives, work issues, etc.) As each person declined she never once thought to ask someone to replace a girl because she still had x amount of bridesmaids left. 

However, now she has no bridemaids. Meanwhile her fiance has 3 groomsmen. She isn't planning on asking any other girls to be in her bridal party because she doesn't want to offend anyone and she doesn't want to be disappointed if someone drops out again. But I know she feels really hurt not having anyone stand by her side. She really only wants atleast one bridesmaid. I think it's also getting to her that her fiance has three groosmen and she hears them bonding over wedding things and she no one. 

Considering that she now has no bridesmaids due to dropouts, and her fiance ha 3 groomsmen do you think this is a scenario in which it would be ok for her to ask one other friend to be in a wedding party? Or would it still be considered a faux pas since essentially the ones she would ask are "second class" friends? 

Again, even though it would mean a lot for her to have someone there she decided that asking someone else at this point would be in poor taste even though her other 4 girls declined. 


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Re: adding to the wedding party after drop outs

  • All four girls dropped out? That is awful! :(

    Who ever is asked now will still probably feel like second choices.

    You say she's an acquaintance, but do you feel comfortable enough asking her if she would like you to stand with her? I mean, she feels comfortable enough telling you all this, so maybe she wouldn't mind? I dunno, I always think it's presumptuous when people volunteer as bridesmaids so I would normally never advocate doing that. But maybe I just feel bad because all four of her bridesmaids dropped out.
    image
  • Your acquaintance is correct. Don't replace anyone.
    Anniversary
  • In Response to Re: adding to the wedding party after drop outs:
    [QUOTE]All four girls dropped out? That is awful! :( Who ever is asked now will still probably feel like second choices. You say she's an acquaintance, but do you feel comfortable enough asking her if she would like you to stand with her? I mean, she feels comfortable enough telling you all this, so maybe she wouldn't mind? I dunno, I always think it's presumptuous when people volunteer as bridesmaids so I would normally never advocate doing that. But maybe I just feel bad because all four of her bridesmaids dropped out.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]


    Yea. That's what I figured too. I just feel bad for her. 
    I thought about offering to stand with her, but we're not that close. We're just work friends. If she did happen to ask I would happily oblige. 
    I was just curious if there was ever an exception to this rule. But I guess not.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I guess you can offer.  But Liatris makes some good points in the PP. 
  • In Response to Re: adding to the wedding party after drop outs:
    [QUOTE]I think offering would be fine. Maybe you two would end up closer as a result? However, first you should make sure the BMs dopped out because of their stated reasons. Is there a chance they dropped out b/c she was a bridezilla and they didn't want to put up with demands for parties, wedding planning help, expensive attire, etc.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    I thought about it, but I highly doubt it. She is really a no fuss person. She is very easy going and extremely quiet. She was even letting all the girls pick their own dresses because she doesn't believe in making people wear a dress they potential won't like or will never wear again. 
    I just feel like it would be rude of me to ask her to be in her wedding party. But thanks for the opinion. I'll think about offering a little longer. I just feel so bad for her. 
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  • I think you should offer and if one of my friends was in the same position, I would not feel bad if she asked me to be a replacement - - i would help out a friend in need. What a terrible position she's in. If a friend is close enough to be invited to her wedding, I"m sure she can call them and say, I'm really disappointed by BMs are not able to be in my wedding, and I would love to have you stand up with me on this special day.

    She's a friend in need, I'm sure her true friends will recognize that and help her.
  • Maybe instead of offering to be a bridesmaid, offer to do the things she's missing out on. You said she's missing the bonding over the wedding stuff that her FI is doing with his GMs. If you want to and are able to, maybe offer to help plan a shower or bachelorette, or take her to get a mani/pedi the week of the wedding, things like that. She might feel comfortable enough to ask you to be a BM when she sees you want to help, or just having someone to do some of those things with might make her feel better.
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  • Who said she has to make it known that theyre replacements? If the originals dropped out because of "x" reason why is the bride to suffer because of it? Id say ask someone and if she wants to be honest by all means do so and let that person decide.

    ****The Future Mrs. Ikeard**** wedding countdown
  • In Response to Re: adding to the wedding party after drop outs:
    [QUOTE]I think you should offer and if one of my friends was in the same position, I would not feel bad if she asked me to be a replacement - - i would help out a friend in need. What a terrible position she's in. If a friend is close enough to be invited to her wedding, I"m sure she can call them and say, I'm really disappointed by BMs are not able to be in my wedding, and I would love to have you stand up with me on this special day. She's a friend in need, I'm sure her true friends will recognize that and help her.
    Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

    AMEN...
    ****The Future Mrs. Ikeard**** wedding countdown
  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    edited February 2013
    I agree that if she doesn't "tell them" they are "replacement bridesmaids", no
    harm no foul! If it's still early enough, nobody might suspect that they
    are 2nd choice? I've already picked out my bridesmaids, but I haven't
    really told anybody other than my bridesmaids. I also told them early
    so that if they need to drop out, it won't put me in a tough spot.
    I did this particularly because I know 2 of my girls are planning
    on getting pregnant, and not sure how much they will be able handle or
    even if their due date my land on the wedding date. To me the "bridesmaid
    title" isn't that big of a deal, because all my close friends will be invited to
    the fun pre-wedding stuff, I just don't want a huge wedding party.

    If her
    friends are indeed her friends, rather than getting all butt-hurt that they
    aren't her number 1 choice, they should feel honored that they are moving up in
    a place of honor.
    I'm sorry she's going through that position, I know if that
    happended to me, I'd be in tears. I think offering to stand for her is a very
    gracious idea too!
  • Dude why is my post centered????
  • Grrrr even when I edit, it still got jacked up! Sorry ladies!
  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    edited March 2013
    Yay! Glad you agree! I know that there are friends where I'm close but at the
    same time I'd be pleasantly surprised if they decided to make me a bridesmaid,
    because I know that there are women they've known longer, related to, etc. so
    honestly 1st or 2nd choice, I'd still be honored to be considered.
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