Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is a shower appropriate?

My sister, also my MOH wants to throw a shower for me.  I don't feel like a shower is appropriate in this situation because my FH and I already live together. Any thoughts? opinions?

Re: Is a shower appropriate?

  • It's fine but if you don't want one, just tell her thanks but no thanks.
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  • I think that today many couples live together before marriage, so I don't think a shower is inappropriate.  However, if you are uncomfortable, you can politely decline. :)
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  • It's definitely fine. "Living in sin" does not prohibit you from having a shower.

    I certainly had one. And so has every other couple I know. They all lived together.
  • andy71781andy71781 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited August 2010
    Ha ha ha - let her throw you a shower!  My DH and I lived together before and it was fine.  It will be fun I promise.

    eta - the reason I laughed is because we see a lot of brides who are already married that want showers.
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  • I don't really follow. It should be fine. But then again, I never understood the whole "you can't wear white on your wedding day IF..." thing so maybe I am missing the connection between not having a shower and living in sin.
  • I don't see why it would be an issue.  Is your concern that you already have stuff and don't need more?  You can always upgrade stuff or register for things you don't have but would like to have (more entertaining items, perhaps, since you might throw more couples' dinners?)  People want to celebrate your love.  Let them.
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  • The shower is to help you get started in life and fill up your house with the things you need.

    I understand the old way was for the daughter to live with her parents until marriage, so everyone threw a shower for her so she can have a home with her hubby filled with these things.

    Today- we have women off in college.. directly entering the workplace.. living on their own.. living with boyfriends.. and, thankfully, without the stigma of 50 years ago!!

    You may have some stuff already.. but upgrades are definitely necessary!!  People will want to give you a gift because they are happy for you and that is their way of showing their love/support and to say congrats!  Don't feel guilty about it!
  • I don't mean to go off topic, but PharmacyBride, your dogs are absolutely frickin' adorable.
  • We live together yet, due to circumstances, own absolutely nothing. I mean, we have a single big red plastic bowl from WalMart that serves as our sole mixing/serving/potential sickness bowl. (It has not been USED for sickness, though it has waited by the side of the bed, just in case.) Living together does not necessarily mean you can't benefit from a shower.

    HowEVer, if situations had been different, I might not have been as comfortable with a shower. I think in that case, it really depends on your own level of comfort with it. You can politely decline.
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  • I've lived with my FI for a few years, but most of the kitchen stuff I use came from a $50 purchase at the grocery store which had a bunch of crappy versions of most kitchen essentials... upgrades are definitely welcome, here.
  • FI have been living together for 9.5 yrs (I moved in after 6 months). Most of what we have (except coffee maker and dishes) are what we both brought to the relationship. I was getting house items as gifts from parents and grandoarents since I was 15, and he was on his own for 7 years. It was fun to be able to go out and register for new items, or pricier items that we wanted, but couldnt really afford (not crazy things), and we had a wonderful shower. It felt so good to be able to toss out chipped items etc and get items in the colors that we want the house.

    If someone wants to throw you a shower let them, and register for items to upgrade or essentials that you may have not had the money to buy. If you are really set against it let them know.

    People who are invited to the shower (family, close friends) want to show their love and support to you as you are entering a new phase in your life.
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  • Thanks KLM.  I was out of town at my sister's bachelorette party this weekend and the dogs are at the in laws.  I miss them terribly!!!  This house is so empty without dogs.


    OP: As much as I think a shower is still appropriate.. if you don't feel comfortable.. then just decline.  I had my shower a couple weeks ago and it felt very weird to have a party thrown for me and then open up all these gifts.  Is it possible you feel weird about that?- or is it just because you live together?
  • FI and I have been living together for four years. My shower was yesterday. Did we NEED stuff? Not really because we have a lot of stuff. But we registered for upgrades because our stuff is mostly crap.

    Our everyday dinnerware was something I had since my early 20s and got on clearance at Walgreens, sturdy as hell, but who wants Coca-Cola plates with a checkerboard border as their china? We never had fine dinnerware. We own one set of sheets. Our kitchen gadgets are low-end/practically disposable.

    No one seemed to have an issue at all about throwing me a shower. People these days seem to live together first. I know there are plenty out there that don't, but most of the people I know did live together first.


    9.17.2010
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