feeling unwelcome..

Knottie_22382896

My FI's cousin is getting married in May and FI just received the invitation yesterday. The invitation was only addressed to him. ."reserved 1 seat for you". I am very offended that I wasn't invited when FI and I have been together for over 6 yrs and engaged almost a year.

FI and I are getting married in September. .when I sent his cousin a save the date back in December..I addressed it to him and his fiance.

I've never really met his cousin and his fiance before...am I just being overdramatic that I wasn't invited? My feelings are hurt but I don't want to cause drama between FI and his cousin.

Knottie_22382896

In Response to Re:feeling unwelcome..:[QUOTE]I wouldn't let people who are this rude and ignorant of polite behavior upset you.nbsp; They have committed a social faux pas, and should be ashamed of themselves.nbsp; Your FI should decline the invitation.nbsp; You are not causing drama they are! Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

Thank you..FI is worried that if he doesn't attend the wedding...his family will not go to ours. He really wants his family to be at our wedding.

Knottie_22382896

I feel like these people shouldn't be invited to my wedding but I know its wrong to do that. I just don't see why it can be an oversight when they know very well about me. I talked to him on the phone before and his mom added me on Facebook.

Knottie_22382896

In Response to Re:feeling unwelcome..:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:feeling unwelcome..:In Response to Re:feeling unwelcome..:That was pretty rude of the couple to do. nbsp;Your FI should call and ask if maybe, just maybe, it was an oversight. nbsp;If they say anything but, quot;Oh my goodness, we're so sorry! Of course April is invited!quot; then, he should decline. Posted by I feel like these people shouldn't be invited to my wedding but I know its wrong to do that. I just don't see why it can be an oversight when they know very well about me. I talked to him on the phone before and his mom added me on Facebook.Posted by AprilS2There is a small chance that while addressing 100 some odd pieces of mail that maybe a name got deleted on their spreadsheet or something. nbsp;I know from addressing my invitations, you get into autopilot and stop seeing the words you're copying off your list. nbsp;They could very well just be rude jerks, but I'd try to give them the benefit of the doubt, first. nbsp;If they give him some bullcrap space or budget excuse, your FI can just say he is unable to make it. He can be honest and say "Excluding my future wife is very hurtful to both me and her. It is a pretty big snub to be excluded from family events like this. I wish you the best on your wedding day; I will be unable to attend." Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]


Thank you..you are right. It is possible. I went to their website to check their registry to send them a gift and they only want monetary gift :/ now I am just embarrassed for them.

fionahalliwell

A few years ago, we went to a cousin's wedding in another state. The host forgot to make a placecard for my sister. Oversight? Yes, and everyone felt guilty and apologized. When you're doing that many of one thing, it can be challenging to get everything straight. Yes, it sucks to be the oversight, but anyone with half a conscience would feel guilty about it, and they might, too. 

BUT, of course, there's also the monetary gifts thing (although I can top that: my mom got invited to a friend's daughter's wedding a few years back, and the invitation included an insert explaining that the couple only wanted monetary gifts!). Maybe they're just rude. But I would give them the benefit of the doubt and have FI call and see what's up. Of course, if they're douchebags who excluded you for any number of idiotic reasons, you have every right to be pissed. 

sierraberry32

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_feeling-unwelcome?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:629e5851-5e7a-44e2-92ec-0f5d2296f328Post:3501a557-e0ed-485d-81be-3b1b215927ce">Re:feeling unwelcome..</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like these people shouldn't be invited to my wedding but I know its wrong to do that. I just don't see why it can be an oversight when they know very well about me. I talked to him on the phone before and his mom added me on Facebook.
Posted by AprilS2[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div> Watch me get slapped for this, but I would love to NOT invite two of my FSIL's because they just love to cause drama! :D But, I can't do that... :'( SO you just suck it up and realize you probably won't see them that day because you will be so busy!! </div>

Summer2011Bride

I would have FI call them to double check if you are invited. It is possible that as they were going through filling them all out, they totally forgot he had a fiancee. If they say you really aren't invited, then if I was your FI, I would not be going. If that means those people don't attend your own wedding, I'd say fine. I wouldn't want someone who insulted me and was so rude to me at my wedding anyhow.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_feeling-unwelcome?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:629e5851-5e7a-44e2-92ec-0f5d2296f328Post:4b16a61c-afeb-4f4b-91e6-661d69f5f416">Re:feeling unwelcome..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:feeling unwelcome..: Thank you..FI is worried that if he doesn't attend the wedding...his family will not go to ours. He really wants his family to be at our wedding.
Posted by AprilS2[/QUOTE]
His whole family wouldn't show if he didn't go to this cousin's wedding?  I doubt that, but if so, I really feel like, "Oh, well." Honestly, if you are his fiancee and are not invited to the wedding and he doesn't go and then his family shuns him for it, are they people you really want there anyway?  I mean, if they are going to support you not being invited, it doesn't sound like they support your relationship, either. 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_feeling-unwelcome?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:629e5851-5e7a-44e2-92ec-0f5d2296f328Post:dcea9ea8-14a1-424c-9c21-ea58c3f9b590">Re:feeling unwelcome..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:feeling unwelcome.. : <strong>His whole family wouldn't show if he didn't go to this cousin's wedding?  I doubt that, but if so, I really feel like, "Oh, well."</strong> Honestly, if you are his fiancee and are not invited to the wedding and he doesn't go and then his family shuns him for it, are they people you really want there anyway?  I mean, if they are going to support you not being invited, it doesn't sound like they support your relationship, either. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>All of this. Especially the bolded part.</div>

stantokm

Agree with PPs, though I think it was done on purpose.  Definitely give them the benefit of the doubt, but if you truly weren't invited, your fiance should decline.  If any of the family members who he's afraid won't attend your wedding ask him why he didn't go to the cousin's wedding, he can respond, "I won't go to an event where my future wife isn't welcome."  If he attends anyway, he's basically saying, "Sure, you can split us up whenever it's convenient for you guys."

Peledreamsofrain

Simple, if they care so little about inviting you, then you can care equally about gifts and attending. Viola.

harper0813

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_feeling-unwelcome?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:629e5851-5e7a-44e2-92ec-0f5d2296f328Post:c4829d8d-e51f-4a1f-a0d9-90fef0f86e83">feeling unwelcome..</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI's cousin is getting married in May and FI just received the invitation yesterday. The invitation was only addressed to him. ."reserved 1 seat for you". I am very offended that I wasn't invited when FI and I have been together for over 6 yrs and engaged almost a year. FI and I are getting married in September. .when I sent his cousin a save the date back in December..I addressed it to him and his fiance. I've never really met his cousin and his fiance before...am I just being overdramatic that I wasn't invited? My feelings are hurt but I don't want to cause drama between FI and his cousin.
Posted by AprilS2[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I completely agree with PPs that it's a careless oversight on their part. Your FI ought to call his cousin and say that he is unable to attend the wedding without his future wife, and it's possible they'll say how sorry they are, that the invitation was meant for her too. And if they say anything else, your FI should decline the invitation. Your FI's family will not revolt if you do not attend - if their guest list is so tight that they couldn't bother to add you, then they should be grateful (as rude as that is) for the extra space with him not attending. If he wants to maintain a good relationship, he can send a gift. Money or object. I would urge him to send him an object, since they decided to specify that they wanted money so badly... but that's just me. :)

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jemmini6

I'm pretty sure when H's cousin got married, they addressed the invite to him only, and he just responded for both of us and wrote in my name.  I didn't know that's what he did until after he sent it, he just thought they didn't know my name (I'd never met them before since they live out of state), but they never said anything to us.  Then again, H's uncle was paying for most of the wedding, so when he found out they left me off, some of H's younger cousins, etc, I think he had a chat with them....

Amyzen83

By the way, I totally get not wanting to invite them now, but do.

H's cousin did this to me when we were engaged. I'd been in the family longer than he had even known his FI, but since we were married, I wasn't invited. When his family found out why we didn't attend, they raised holy hell at the next thanksgiving. 

We invited them anyway to our wedding, though they declined. I didn't have to put up with them at the wedding AND won bonus points for being "such a gracious bride after being snubbed." Best revenge ever.

Since there's no like button, I'm creating one LIKE! Especially bolded part