adult only reception....need opinions!!!

jeng507

So my fiance and I have decided to have an adult only reception, but we are still having 2 ring bearers and 3 flower girls (youngest is 4). I would like to put "intimate adult only" on the reception card, inviting only the kids that are in the wedding party to the reception....problem is, 2 of the flower girls are my fiance's cousins and he has another cousin (not from the same family as the flower girls) who is only going to be 1 year old by the time of the wedding.  I think that an intimate, elegant wedding reception is no place for a 1 year old, and I do not think she should be invited to the reception....however, my fiance feels that she is family and it would be rude and disrespectful to leave her out.  I really do not know what to do, because I do not want to piss anyone off, but I really do not want an infant/toddler and highchairs and/or strollers at my wedding reception!! I need opinions on if you think it is offensive to politely ask that the 1 year stay at home for the reception. PLEASE HELP!!!

apaadzzzz

I don't post here, but read this thread and had to say:

If I received an invitation that read: "Intimate Adult Only" I would think, Ummmm....is this a swingers reception?

Do not put that or anything else on the invitation. Address to those invited. If your not inviting the children, don't include them on the invitation.

jeng507

well the only reason i was going to put adult only and not just address the envelope to the invited persons is because I was at a wedding just a month ago and the bride told me that she invited a mutual friend and addressed her invitation "Ms. Jessica.... and Guest" and Jessica's boyfriend brought his 2 year old daughter...which honestly I thought was very rude, as she was NOT addressed on the invitation. So i just wanted to put "adult only" to clear up any misunderstandings, as I have many friends with children.

To answer ricksang's question....I do not want strollers or highchairs because we are paying a lot of money to have a very elegant and classy wedding and I just don't see a reception as a place for infants/toddlers...I love children as much as the next person, but I would never even think to bring my 1 year old to a reception

banana468

You and your FI need to get on the same page. You can invite the one YO or not but you TWO need to agree on who will be invited. It isn't just the bride's call. And ditto PPs that you cannot write anything on or in the invitation stating adults only. It's quite rude to do so and in your situation, it's also a bold-faced lie.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adult-only-receptionneed-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62a70df4-b014-407f-abc0-b6a7a6fde50aPost:f6bd325f-106c-4660-b31d-d55c7b5dbc31">Re: adult only reception....need opinions!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]well the only reason i was going to put adult only and not just address the envelope to the invited persons is because I was at a wedding just a month ago and the bride told me that she invited a mutual friend and addressed her invitation "Ms. Jessica.... and Guest" and Jessica's boyfriend brought his 2 year old daughter...which honestly I thought was very rude, as she was NOT addressed on the invitation. So i just wanted to put "adult only" to clear up any misunderstandings, as I have many friends with children. To answer ricksang's question....I do not want strollers or highchairs because we are paying a lot of money to have a very elegant and classy wedding and I just don't see a reception as a place for infants/toddlers...I love children as much as the next person, but I would never even think to bring my 1 year old to a reception
Posted by jeng507[/QUOTE]

Eh, we had this happen to us.  The two-year old just sat on her dad's lap and ate of his plate.  Yeah, she wasn't invited and it was rude (in their case, probably just ignorance) on their part but in the grand scheme of things, whatever.  We also had my 7 month old cousin at the wedding - complete with a high chair.  It was fine and we had a really nice, classy reception.

Mrs.B6302007

Banana- you haven't paid your posting toll yet today so until you cough up some more pics of Chiquita, no more posting for you. ;-)

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adult-only-receptionneed-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:62a70df4-b014-407f-abc0-b6a7a6fde50aPost:b8e7986a-f28c-40f2-a3c2-7bdb00e4d887">Re: adult only reception....need opinions!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Banana- you haven't paid your posting toll yet today so until you cough up some more pics of Chiquita, no more posting for you. ;-)
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]



I'm at DH's aunts pumping a bottle so I'm on my phone...but more photos will follow later tonight or tomorrow!

mikeynkrib2011

it is against etiquette to write 'adults only'...i have to admit we did it tho.  i know its offensive, but my entire family knows that if i DIDN'T write it, we'd end up with a boatload of people bringing kids. 

etiquette on their end is non-existent, so if we were subtle and just made the cards out to the parents they'd end up bringing 1 month olds to 17 year olds anyway. they genuinely would not have enough knowledge to know that if an invite says only mr. and mrs. it excludes the children.

it would have addred around 25 extra plates and not enough room in our intimate sized venue.

broke the etiquette mold on that one.  but who said this is about me?

ecuchika

If you are really concerned about the high chair and possible stroller--speak with your photog/videographer and tell them to avoid these two things like the plague.  If its only that baby and your children WP attendants that make up the kids to which it wouldn't be an adult only party then it may not matter. 

I know that there will be boatloads of kids at my wedding but I want them their.  They are family just as much as anyone else.  At my cuz's wedding (I was a BM) we had another cuz's child there and it was so much fun to dance with him the whole night (he was 2).

On top of that the parents will most likely leave early b/c of the baby.  Most parents I know are respectful and if their baby gets fussy they get out of ear shot.  There will be a 6month old at my wedding she was just born Dec 20th.  I don't expect her parents to stay long.  It most likely won't cause you more money either-wouldn't have to count the baby in the head count etc.

GL with your decision.  I hope you and your FI come up with a decision that pleases you both and doesn't cause much drama in your family.

_Dagney_

It's not an adults only reception with 5 children.

Maybe you should think about it for a minute...

You understand that you don't NEED a flower girl, etc, right?

It really seems like with that many children you are just not inviting a few and getting around it by putting all of the ones you want there "in" the wedding.

lisalou402

I'm in the minority on these boards, if you dont' want kids at your wedding, don't have them.  I agree that car seats, high chairs, strollers, chicken fingers...are not my idea of a wedding.  Call me crazy and mean, but I don't like it.

To answer your question though, I think you and your FI need to be on the same page...once you are, you can be united in any decision and accept the consequences. 

I had one piece of fallout...my cousin stated "i wasn't allowed to bring CHILD"...hmmm...that's right.  I can handle that.  Everyone else, including my MOH who had a 6 week old, made other arrangements.

banana468

Lisa, who is telling her she HAS to have kids?

jeng507

In response to Trix

"On top of that the parents will most likely leave early b/c of the baby.  Most parents I know are respectful and if their baby gets fussy they get out of ear shot.  "

That is one of my points exactly! This is one of my FI's cousins and we want them to come and have a good time and not have to worry about a baby, and we do NOT want them to leave early! We want them to come and eat, drink and dance all night!!

And in response to Lisa

"I'm in the minority on these boards, if you dont' want kids at your wedding, don't have them.  I agree that car seats, high chairs, strollers, chicken fingers...are not my idea of a wedding.  Call me crazy and mean, but I don't like it."

Thank you! That is exactly how I feel! This is a wedding, not Disneyworld!!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adult-only-receptionneed-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62a70df4-b014-407f-abc0-b6a7a6fde50aPost:f6bd325f-106c-4660-b31d-d55c7b5dbc31">Re: adult only reception....need opinions!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]well the only reason i was going to put adult only and not just address the envelope to the invited persons is because I was at a wedding just a month ago and the bride told me that she invited a mutual friend and addressed her invitation "Ms. Jessica.... and Guest" and Jessica's boyfriend brought his 2 year old daughter...which honestly I thought was very rude, as she was NOT addressed on the invitation. So i just wanted to put "adult only" to clear up any misunderstandings, as I have many friends with children. To answer ricksang's question....I do not want strollers or highchairs because we are paying a lot of money to have a very elegant and classy wedding and I just don't see a reception as a place for infants/toddlers...I love children as much as the next person, but I would never even think to bring my 1 year old to a reception
Posted by jeng507[/QUOTE]


But it's rude of YOU to assume most people won't understand who is invited by looking at an invitation.

Also, I had a 1 year old at my reception and it wasn't a problem at all. Actually, our photographer got pictures of her taking her first steps.

Is this the ONLY child you won't be inviting? If inviting kids means having 25 kids under 5 running around, I'm totally with you. But you're already opening the door to kids by having flower girls and ring bearers. Why are you having children in your wedding party if you're so adament that a one year old not be at the reception?

Belle2Be

Well. I don't think its right to split a young family (invite your cousin and her kids except 1). You also can't say adults only, since you will be having 5 children there. You see that right?