Guests allowed or not?

agracei

I just had to post a thought on this topic.

I am still shocked 6 months after a friends wedding that after asking me to be a bridesmaid in her almost exclusively family wedding, she requested that I didn't bring a guest.

This was particularly akward since the wedding was on Sunday evening, the rehearsal was on Friday night. I was flying in & paying handsomely for the 3 nights in the hotel she chose. This doesn't count the dress, the bachelorette party in NYC, or any gifts. I was completely hurt that she would feel it was ok to expect me to spend well over $1K on being at her wedding, and yet she wasn't willing to  foot the bill for an additional meal so I could have some company on the rest of the trip, and someone to sit next to at the reception.

Everything I read online says its ok to not invite a guest alongside a single guest. I agree with that thought in general, but I do feel that if you are a part of the wedding party, it seems plain cheap to expect them to spend money on your event, and you not offer the courtesy of them having a companion to dance with.

Just wanted to offer that up for those decided to guest or not to guest.

Thanks!

tidetravel

WP members do not automatically get a guest.  It is usually a courtesy, but not required.  Such is also the case with OOT guests.

The only hard-and-fast rule to guests is that if you're in a LTR, signifigant others must be invited.  You cannot break up a social unit.

The fact that she had an almost exclusively family wedding indicates to me that they probably couldn't afford to or didn't want to invite a bunch of extra people.  If you knew that it was all family, and you're not in a relationship, I don't know why you would expect a +1

ohwhynot

I honestly don't understand why tiers are frowned upon in almost every other circumstance but not this one.  Why is it okay to allow a bridal party member to bring a guest if he/she isn't in a relationship that would merit an invitation otherwise but not to allow your other guests the same courtesy?  Is it because the bp is spending money to be a member of the bp? 

That doesn't make sense to me because first, your other guests may be spending almost as much, and second, then why not "upgrade" the bp in other ways, too? 

kkchisholm

The wedding was 6 months ago. Did you have a good time?

EmmaBride2B

Exactly, I'm reading this as six months ago, what's the problem that's bringing it up NOW? And if it was super small, maybe they couldn't afford to give you a random guest?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to agree with in your poll, but I clicked "yes" as in "I agree with you."

I'm also for letting people bring guests if they are coming from OOT, regardless of whether they are in the WP or not. And also if they will not know anyone else at the wedding. And frankly, by that time, I think it's nice to extend the offer to everyone, which is what I'm doing.

mandybear7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-allowed-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62a76bae-ea1f-4d31-a933-096b27a582c3Post:0b9316a4-2426-4506-a0fc-da310ee48db3">Re: Guests allowed or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]I honestly don't understand why tiers are frowned upon in almost every other circumstance but not this one.  Why is it okay to allow a bridal party member to bring a guest if he/she isn't in a relationship that would merit an invitation otherwise but not to allow your other guests the same courtesy?  Is it because the bp is spending money to be a member of the bp?  That doesn't make sense to me because first, your other guests may be spending almost as much, and second, then why not "upgrade" the bp in other ways, too? 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

I understand what you're saying. But, just my opinion, the WP are guests of honor. We are telling the couple of people in our WP that are single (most are dating/engaged/married) that they may bring a guest if they want to. One guy already said no, he wants to mingle with my hot single friends, ha. My cousin may choose to bring the guy she is somewhat seeing. Either way, as a guest of honor, I think she should be allowed that choice.

ETA: I didn't notice the part about the wedding being 6 months ago. Wow, it's unfortunate that you're still mulling over this.

squirrly

Did you talk to your friend about this ahead of time?  Or you're just irritated after the fact.

iamjoesgurl

The fact that she asked you to be a BM and you were willing to go that much out of your way to be there at the wedding tells me that you are probably close friends.  She wanted you there - you wanted to be there.  Instead of being sore about it 6 months later, for the sake of the friendship, I would just let it go. 

For the sake of anyone who is planning the same type of wedding, I offer my opinion that it would be courteous to let the members of your WP bring a guest.

flutgrl1

I would never invite anyone to anything without a guest option so I think it's rude all across the board.  Personally I would have declined to even attend let alone be in.

duckie1905

Normally I do agree that a guest for WP members is a nice courtesy that should be extended.  But, in this case you said it an almost exclusively family event?  In that case I can see how she didn't want you to bring a random, non-family member.

Anyway, it was 6 months ago.  Time to let it go.

goheels05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-allowed-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62a76bae-ea1f-4d31-a933-096b27a582c3Post:0b9316a4-2426-4506-a0fc-da310ee48db3">Re: Guests allowed or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]I honestly don't understand why tiers are frowned upon in almost every other circumstance but not this one.  Why is it okay to allow a bridal party member to bring a guest if he/she isn't in a relationship that would merit an invitation otherwise but not to allow your other guests the same courtesy?  Is it because the bp is spending money to be a member of the bp?  That doesn't make sense to me because first, your other guests may be spending almost as much, and second, then why not "upgrade" the bp in other ways, too? 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

Good point.

I let my single bridesmaids bring dates, but I really didn't want to.  It was a smallish wedding, and it was weird having two guys there who I don't even know.   And I know this might be an unpopular opinion, but it really annoyed me to pay for an expensive meal and drinks for the flavor of the week who broke up with one of them literally the next day. 

If a lot of people had been flying into my wedding, I probably would have been more happy to invite singles with dates, but since most of my guests were local, I really shouldn't have felt obligated, but for some reason, I did. 

quotequeen

I don't think the wedding party should automatically get a date, but I do think wedding party members who are coming from out of town and expected to be there for several days to attend the rehearsal or whatever, really should be allowed to bring a date.

MyNameIsNot

I agree that you need to get over this.  It's been 6 months.  Move on.

That said, I would never invite anyone OOT, regardless of whether they were WP or not, without a date.  In my area, everyone is invited with a guest, regardless, and I'm glad.  I know what etiquette says, but I would feel rude inviting single people anywhere without a guest, especially if they had to travel.