Going to rip my hair out... Maybe.

ameliakwatson

Today, a few of my bridesmaids had an oppourtunity to come get fitted for their dresses that take 8 weeks to order, 9.5 weeks before my wedding (we just found out last week we had to have our ceremony on Sep. 9) and last night I even called one girl and confirmed, well today she bailed, another girl had ONLY today off of work and everyone needs their dresses today but she bails too, but keeps posting about a stevie nicks concert she's going to tonight?? Two of my girls got their dresses today, my Koumbara already has hers, and I trust in good faith that the last girl will also get hers, she's dependable. But the girls who bailed today, I am so angry! Does anyone else have this problem?? Also, my supposed-to-be MOH has ignored me the past week and bailed on me last time we were supposed to hang out, and today she acts like everything is okay... She's done nothing that a MOH is supposed to do, but she's acting like if she gets her dress everything will be fine? Uh no, I already picked out my dress, bridesmaids, flowers, venue, seating practically everything I needed her help with UGH is anyone else having trouble with etiquette-troubled BM's or MOH's??

J&K10910

What on earth is a Koumbara?

Also, if you rip out your hair, no one will notice your BMs without dresses because they'll be too busy gossiping about your hair.

coopsbaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-to-rip-my-hair-out-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62eaffce-2f6e-4a32-9600-68f6c7277089Post:bbb2d291-af00-4640-bd26-fdd465f29033">Re: Going to rip my hair out... Maybe.</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>What on earth is a Koumbara?</strong> Also, if you rip out your hair, no one will notice your BMs without dresses because they'll be too busy gossiping about your hair.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yeah, this.

</div>

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-to-rip-my-hair-out-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62eaffce-2f6e-4a32-9600-68f6c7277089Post:b213e8ec-6cb4-446a-b922-7c5a372cd486">Going to rip my hair out... Maybe.</a>:
[QUOTE]I already picked out my dress, bridesmaids, flowers, venue, seating practically everything I needed her help with UGH is anyone else having trouble with etiquette-troubled BM's or MOH's??
Posted by ameliakwatson[/QUOTE]

<div>Your MOH is not required to help you pick out those things.</div><div>
</div><div>Have you considered having your fiance help?  It's his wedding too, in case you forgot.</div>

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-to-rip-my-hair-out-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62eaffce-2f6e-4a32-9600-68f6c7277089Post:b213e8ec-6cb4-446a-b922-7c5a372cd486">Going to rip my hair out... Maybe.</a>:
[QUOTE]She's done nothing that a MOH is supposed to do, but <strong>she's acting like if she gets her dress everything will be fine?</strong> Uh no, I already picked out my dress, bridesmaids, flowers, venue, seating practically everything I needed her help with UGH is anyone else having trouble with etiquette-troubled BM's or MOH's??
Posted by ameliakwatson[/QUOTE]
That's because it will be. <div>I guess you might want to see if your FI wants to help plan his wedding. </div>

Girlie1030

Koumbara = kind of like a maid of honor in a Greek wedding?

DramaGeek

Koumbara has to do with a Greek Orthodox wedding.  Similar to MOH, but there are actual religious duties, I believe.  I want to say it's more like a mentor?

Anyway, that aside, your MOH doesn't have to do anything except get the dress.  It sucks that your supposed best friend is bailing on you when you make plans to hang out, but that's really the only thing you can have to be upset about. 

As far as the other two, if they don't get their dresses, they aren't in the wedding, plain and simple.

Why did you just find out your ceremony is Sept 9?

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-to-rip-my-hair-out-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:62eaffce-2f6e-4a32-9600-68f6c7277089Post:b213e8ec-6cb4-446a-b922-7c5a372cd486">Going to rip my hair out... Maybe.</a>:
[QUOTE]Today, a few of my bridesmaids had an oppourtunity to come get fitted for their dresses that take 8 weeks to order, 9.5 weeks before my wedding (we just found out last week we had to have our ceremony on Sep. 9) and last night I even called one girl and confirmed, well today she bailed, another girl had ONLY today off of work and everyone needs their dresses today but she bails too, but keeps posting about a stevie nicks concert she's going to tonight?? Two of my girls got their dresses today, my Koumbara already has hers, and I trust in good faith that the last girl will also get hers, she's dependable. But the girls who bailed today, I am so angry! Does anyone else have this problem?? Also, my supposed-to-be MOH has ignored me the past week and bailed on me last time we were supposed to hang out, and today she acts like everything is okay... <strong>She's done nothing that a MOH is supposed to do, but she's acting like <u>if she gets her dress everything will be fine</u>?</strong> Uh no, I already picked out my dress, bridesmaids, flowers, venue, seating practically everything I needed her help with UGH is anyone else having trouble with etiquette-troubled BM's or MOH's??
Posted by ameliakwatson[/QUOTE]


Her only job is getting the dress and showing up on time mostly sober.   

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-to-rip-my-hair-out-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62eaffce-2f6e-4a32-9600-68f6c7277089Post:b213e8ec-6cb4-446a-b922-7c5a372cd486">Going to rip my hair out... Maybe.</a>:
[QUOTE]Today, a few of my bridesmaids had an oppourtunity to come get fitted for their dresses that take 8 weeks to order, 9.5 weeks before my wedding (we just found out last week we had to have our ceremony on Sep. 9) and last night I even called one girl and confirmed, well today she bailed, another girl had ONLY today off of work and everyone needs their dresses today but she bails too, but keeps posting about a stevie nicks concert she's going to tonight?? Two of my girls got their dresses today, my Koumbara already has hers, and I trust in good faith that the last girl will also get hers, she's dependable. But the girls who bailed today, I am so angry! Does anyone else have this problem?? Also, my supposed-to-be MOH has ignored me the past week and bailed on me last time we were supposed to hang out, and today she acts like everything is okay... She's done nothing that a MOH is supposed to do, but she's acting like if she gets her dress everything will be fine? Uh no, I already picked out my dress, bridesmaids, flowers, venue, seating practically everything I needed her help with UGH is anyone else having trouble with etiquette-troubled BM's or MOH's??
Posted by ameliakwatson[/QUOTE]
It sounds like you're the one who is etiquette-troubled, not your wedding party members.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-to-rip-my-hair-out-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62eaffce-2f6e-4a32-9600-68f6c7277089Post:8d42cd3b-fcfc-446a-bf3d-b990d2452ded">Re: Going to rip my hair out... Maybe.</a>:
[QUOTE]They're everywhere today, I swear. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

You see dead people too?

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-to-rip-my-hair-out-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62eaffce-2f6e-4a32-9600-68f6c7277089Post:3c9f4c2b-beff-42af-ac24-cd99fbdf4942">Re: Going to rip my hair out... Maybe.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Going to rip my hair out... Maybe. : Yes.  They won't leave me alone. Fun fact:  FI's grade school was where they shot Cole's school scenes. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

That's pretty cool!

Happy negative one monthiversary, by the way!

ameliakwatson

Fi won't help, and if I do recall checking the etiquette section of the site, not message board, it has a list of expected duties that they tell you to give to your bridal party. So actually, they do have expectations. I asked if anyone had similar problems, not what you think. 

ameliakwatson

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/qa/maid-of-honor-duties.aspx

This says a whole lot more than showing up in a dress and sober.

J&K10910

Your FI won't help you plan HIS wedding? 

And TK is not always right.  It is a site that exists to make money, not to promote proper etiquette. 

DramaGeek

Look, my SIL fried her hair two days before my wedding.  It was falling out in clumps and her hairdresser sister was in tears trying to get it to look good the day of the wedding.  They were late for pictures because of it.  I didn't have a bachelorette party or a shower with my friends because no  one offered to host it.

You know what though?  That's ok because no one was obligated to do anything for my wedding besides show up and smile for the photos, which they did.

So did I experience anything like it?  Sure.  Did it bother me?  Well, yeah, I was pretty pissed that SIL's hair looked horrendous and that it caused them to be late for photos.  But in the end it was all ok - which is what you need to take from this.  IT WILL ALL BE OK.  No one is obligated to do anything, so be grateful for what they choose to do and let the other stuff roll off your back.

Summer2011Bride

Yeah definitely don't go by what TK or any other wedding website or magazines lists as "duties." They are the wedding industry out to make money, and they don't care about your friends or their feelings. You should, on the other hand.

Your MOH doesn't have to do anything besides get the dress. I would just tell the girls who couldn't make it what the deadline is for ordering the dress and that after that, they may have to pay rush fees. Then leave it up to them.

Also, if I already had concert tickets, which I'm sure the one girl did, I would not skip a concert I already paid for to go order/try on BM dresses.

ameliakwatson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-to-rip-my-hair-out-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62eaffce-2f6e-4a32-9600-68f6c7277089Post:e0931264-9052-4e34-803b-51627ba2a154">Re: Going to rip my hair out... Maybe.</a>:
[QUOTE]Koumbara has to do with a Greek Orthodox wedding.  Similar to MOH, but there are actual religious duties, I believe.  I want to say it's more like a mentor? Anyway, that aside, your MOH doesn't  have  to do anything except get the dress.  It sucks that your supposed best friend is bailing on you when you make plans to hang out, but that's really the only thing you can have to be upset about.  As far as the other two, if they don't get their dresses, they aren't in the wedding, plain and simple. Why did you just find out your ceremony is Sept 9?
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]
 <div>I appreciate the advice, but those are things I've already decided, I'm not looking for advice, I'm looking for people with similar stress. Me and Fi (technically husband) Are civilly married, but the Orthodox church doesn't recognize marriage outside the church, and my priest set the date and does not want it to be any later. He probably wouldn't even care if we didn't have guests or even a dress, as long as we get it done, but it will only happen once in our lives, so I do want to make it special. We were only civilly married for other reasons, and didn't have any kind of gathering or even people around.</div>

ameliakwatson

Uh she didn't have to skip the concert, she kept saying she was too sick. What IS the point of having a maid of honor? Why do people have them if they do the same thing bridesmaids do? And these are things she had promised ahead of time, so what is wrong with me trying to complain about how she doesn't do it? So if this site is BS then no one should have to pay for anything in the wedding and it should be all up to bride and groom right? If etiquette on this site sucks, then what is "true" eitiquette, for EVERYTHING? BEcause you all make it seem like I have it allllll wrong, which I do not. 

J&K10910

Oh...the plot thickens.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-to-rip-my-hair-out-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62eaffce-2f6e-4a32-9600-68f6c7277089Post:b59e71b2-0535-4e75-b7ad-219495551222">Re: Going to rip my hair out... Maybe.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Going to rip my hair out... Maybe. :   I appreciate the advice, but those are things I've already decided, I'm not looking for advice, I'm looking for people with similar stress. Me and Fi (technically husband) Are civilly married, but the Orthodox church doesn't recognize marriage outside the church, and my priest set the date and does not want it to be any later. He probably wouldn't even care if we didn't have guests or even a dress, as long as we get it done, but it will only happen once in our lives, so I do want to make it special. We were only civilly married for other reasons, and didn't have any kind of gathering or even people around.
Posted by ameliakwatson[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>And the post blows up.</div>

J&K10910

A maid of HONOR is a position of HONOR.  It means you're HONORING her more than your regular bridesmaids.

The last I checked, saddling people with duties was not a good way to HONOR them.

BUT, with that said, if these were things that she offered to do on her own, and now she's backing out, yes that is frustrating and disappointing.  Maybe have a chat with her and ask if she still wants to do those things or if you should take care of them.

brilibby4

Well my, aren't you just one big clusterfuck of etiquette breakage. 

Does this mean your reception isn't the same day as your ceremony?

I chose my maid of honor because she is my best friend. I wanted to honor her and thank her for being so great.  She will stand beside me on one of the most important days of my life.  I hired vendors to do any jobs and tasks...not friends.

Your bridesmaids don't ALL need to go pick up their dresses at once.  Let them know which dress you have chosen and where to buy it.  You should also tell them the dresses take 8 weeks to arrive after being ordered.  If anyone doesn't buy their dress in time, they aren't in the wedding. 

willywally5

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-to-rip-my-hair-out-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:62eaffce-2f6e-4a32-9600-68f6c7277089Post:b59e71b2-0535-4e75-b7ad-219495551222">Re: Going to rip my hair out... Maybe.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Going to rip my hair out... Maybe. :   I appreciate the advice, but those are things I've already decided, I'm not looking for advice, I'm looking for people with similar stress. <strong>Me and Fi (technically husband) Are civilly married,</strong> but the Orthodox church doesn't recognize marriage outside the church, and my priest set the date and does not want it to be any later. He probably wouldn't even care if we didn't have guests or even a dress, as long as we get it done, <strong>but it will only happen once in our lives,</strong> so I do want to make it special. We were only civilly married for other reasons, and didn't have any kind of gathering or even people around.
Posted by ameliakwatson[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh for the love of Pete. You are already married and you are bothered by bridesmaid dresses and their mythical duties? </div><div>
</div><div>I agree 'it will only happen once in (y)our lives.' Guess what? It already did. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

ameliakwatson

You all are trolls hiding behind a computer screen. So basically, no one should ever help anyone? How many of you got through life with NO help form ANYONE? Yeah. Thought so! When someone gives you an "honor", what do you do, sit back and kick it? No, I'd show my appreciation. Like gifts, why do you give parents gifts at weddings? To show your appreciation. Go troll somewhere else! 

ameliakwatson

And I'm NOT mad that they didn't do it all at once, notice I didn't complain about the one who didn't? I'm upset that all they do is bail on me, and I'm looking for support, not from somefucking jerks like you, where belittling people and being unable to say ANYTHING politely from a computer screen (i.e, trolls) like you all. So just go away, k? 

ameliakwatson

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/qa/maid-of-honor-duties.aspx may I post this again lol, you all just say it's wrong because if it's wrong, you're right.

J&K10910

People helping is fine.  Especially if they offer it.  But there is a difference between receiving help (perfectly acceptable) and expecting or demanding it.  You, my dear, are more on the expecting/demanding than receiving end of the spectrum.  It is the wedding of YOU and your HUSBAND (that doesn't even make sense).  It is no one else's.  It is solely your responsibility, unless someone else OFFERS.

J&K10910

Look, yes, it is frustrating when people bail on you.  That sucks.  It's disappointing.  I'm sorry that that's happening.

But I think you need to maybe look at the common denominator here.

brilibby4

I'm not hiding behind a computer screen.  If someone asked presented me with this situation in person, I would give the same response.  No one here has said it is wrong to accept help.  We are all saying that it is rude to expect help.  There is a huge difference. 

I'm sorry your friends are bailing.  How much notice did you give them for dress shopping?

ameliakwatson

Oh lord... You all think you know everything but you don't. I had spoken to ALL of them, and told them what I expected, which wasn't much--help when I needed it, I've hardly asked for any. And everything is stressing me out and let me make this clear... all I am asking for is for people who have been through similar situations and what they have to say. You do not know everything going on in my life or what has gone on, nor do I need to explain. 

ameliakwatson

I'm expecting help because that's what they had promised me from the moment I asked them! Jeesh! I'm only calling you trolls because all you are doing is jumping down my throught when you all obviously don't know anything! I know you would say the same thing to someone who offered that situation, but PLEASE ask for details if you're going to give me responses like that.