Wedding Etiquette Forum

single guest suddenly has family-- lots more kids on the guest list

Kids are invited to my wedding but I only have a couple of other friends with kids so it was NBD. I sent an STD to a friend who at the time was single and his 2 kids lived with their mom across the country (she has 2 other kids that are not his). I thought I could just invite him. But since STDs went out, this friend has reunited with his ex and moved across the country with all of them. So that's 4 kids, all under 5 years old. In the off chance that he would be able to make the trip out (and there is a possibility they're moving back here), I should extend the invitation to all 6 of them, shouldn't I?

Re: single guest suddenly has family-- lots more kids on the guest list

  • Yes, you should. At the very least you need to include his ex. You don't have to invite the kids, but if other kids are there it could cause hard feelings.
  • If you have room and money.... yeah.
  • The gf is a must.  The kids are a probably should
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  • Inviting some of his kids and not his other kids is poor form, especially if their mom is going, too. Those 2 kids might not be biologically his, but they're still his, KWIM?
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  • Yeah, if he's back together with her, they need to be invited as a couple, and if yoiu've invited others with their kids it's pretty rude not to invite their kids too.  You're on the right track.
  • Yeah, it'd be proper to include at least the GF, and really the kids, if you're including all other kids.  But still, it's kind of a blindside, coming from him.  We expect a single guest to maybe have an SO by the time of the wedding, and usually you can accomodate one extra person.  But this guy comes equipped with 5 extras, which I would guess you haven't budgeted for, not to mention whether or not the venue can hold 5 more.  Would you have to cut other guests to accomodate the kids?  One extra versus 5 extras is a big jump, unless you have lots of declines.  I might be tempted to tell him that of course his GF is welcome, but that the budget/venue was set before he got back with the GF, and therefore you hadn't budgeted for all the kids.  But then I read back over that, and that's really not right either, since other kids will be there. 

    I think you need to suck it up and find a way to include the kids, but if he was really considerate, he'd tell you they'd leave the kids at home so you don't have to accomodate them at the last minute.

    If this was an adult guest who wanted to bring 5 extra random friends with him, we'd tell you you're perfectly within your rights to say no. But I dunno about kids...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_single-guest-suddenly-family-lots-kids-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:63077129-7f75-4c0e-8561-189082ee0768Post:da9ba97e-967a-420a-9d6c-e76901325bbf">Re: single guest suddenly has family-- lots more kids on the guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am surprised you have already sent STDs for a wedding that is almost a year from now.  Th<strong>ey usually go out 6-9 months before the wedding. I would invite the guy with his girlfriend. While it would be nice to also invite the kids, that is 4 extra people and you shouldn't have to try to cram them in if space/budget is an issue.  I don't think kids are an all or nothing group by any means.</strong>
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
    I agree with this.
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  • I don't think the kids would be a budget-buster, considering they're all under the age of 5. I'd check with the venue to see if there are kids prices and whether or not you have the space. I just think that if you invite 2 of the kids, it could create a riff if the other two aren't invited. Of course inviting none of the kids is an option.
    image
  • Thanks everyone! I think we can manage to accommodate them, but it was kind of a "holy crap- didn't think of all that!" moment. :-D It's almost tripling the amount of under-five-year olds that will be in attendance though- that worries me for the ceremony.

    MilkDuds- my posted wedding date is inaccurate.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_single-guest-suddenly-family-lots-kids-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:63077129-7f75-4c0e-8561-189082ee0768Post:831924c3-54dc-4757-a4a8-2b4a6d9a685b">Re: single guest suddenly has family-- lots more kids on the guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: single guest suddenly has family-- lots more kids on the guest list : OP already sent the STD.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I had only sent the STD to my friend, because at the time his kids were pretty much out of the picture, and I have not met them.</div>
  • @edie I don't think his two biological childen were on the STD, that's why I had said that was an option.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_single-guest-suddenly-family-lots-kids-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:63077129-7f75-4c0e-8561-189082ee0768Post:f4ed58e5-c485-4b18-a261-f79e6cffebab">Re: single guest suddenly has family-- lots more kids on the guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: single guest suddenly has family-- lots more kids on the guest list : You mean just leave it as is?
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]


    Yep. Well, and invite the SO. But he's not obligated to invite any of the 4 kids, right?
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_single-guest-suddenly-family-lots-kids-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:63077129-7f75-4c0e-8561-189082ee0768Post:4c369a0d-43bc-4b8e-8b79-459957ee8c99">Re: single guest suddenly has family-- lots more kids on the guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: single guest suddenly has family-- lots more kids on the guest list : Well from the OP I thought it was the mom and her kids so if her SO comes I thought it would be appropriate to invite his kids as well.  But I thought they were younger.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]


    From what I gather the guest was sent an STD solo, since he was single and his children lived far away.
    Now the guest has reunited with the mother of his 2 children. On top of that, the mother of his children has 2 other children. All the children are under the age of 5.
    Am I close to getting this right?
    Or should I go back to my flavored vodka?
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_single-guest-suddenly-family-lots-kids-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:63077129-7f75-4c0e-8561-189082ee0768Post:6cf50048-af7c-46f4-aaa8-d7a9f78f6623">Re: single guest suddenly has family-- lots more kids on the guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: single guest suddenly has family-- lots more kids on the guest list : From what I gather the guest was sent an STD solo, since he was single and his children lived far away. Now the guest has reunited with the mother of his 2 children. On top of that, the mother of his children has 2 other children. All the children are under the age of 5. Am I close to getting this right? Or should I go back to my flavored vodka?
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is exactly right. However, feel free to get back to that vodka- yum! ;-)</div>
  • I think it's totally fine not to invite his kids, even if other kids will be there.
  • If you're going to invite his kids, I think you should invite their half-siblings too.  All or nothing.

    As a future step-parent, I'd find it rude if FI & I had kids that were included, but his weren't.  They're a part of our family unit too.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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