another thread about children at weddings

jcunningham23

I know this topic is brought up a lot but...

FI and I are trying to decide if we are gonna invite children to our wedding. We are both on the fence about it. I haven't been to a lot of weddings so I can't fall back on personal experience for guidence.

Is anyone willing to dish out their decision on having kids at the wedding, why you decided that, how did it turn out and were there any regrets?

Thanks!

Stackeye210

No regrets having kids at our wedding.  They were so much fun to have at the reception. 

twilight.rose

We only had about 4 kids, but they were all extremely well behaved and we had no regrets about having them there.

Julz629

We are inviting our first cousins who are kids to the wedding, but we are drawing the line at our older first cousins' kids, due to head count.  We are both close to our first cousins and I know it would crush our families if they were there.  And we really want them there, too.

At my sister's wedding last summer, the kids had a blast!  On the dance floor all night, taking pictures, etc. 

I never even considered not having kids.

parker624

We invited our first cousins who are children and our first cousins' children. 

We did not invite every guest to bring their children.  That would be ridiculous IMO.

laurenclaire1386

We're only inviting kids we're related to. It's mostly a money issue, you know, keep the headcount down. Also, we don't have anyone from out of town that's not a relative, so that's what worked best with our guestlist. My wedding hasn't happened yet, so I can't tell you how it worked out, but I really don't foresee it being a problem at all. There are very few of our friends who have children, and the ones that do are comfortable with leaving the kids with a sitter for the night.

danieliza1127

I thought about an adult wedding for maybe a minute and then thought no.  I have 3 older brothers with kids and a step-brother and two step-sisters, all with kids.  Plus our closest friends who were all in the wedding party all have kids.  It just didn't feel right to exclude them.  Kids are always at our family events, and more and more even our "friend" events. 

We had kids ranging from newborns to 10 years old and never heard a peep from them during the ceremony or reception really.  The babies slept during the reception and the toddlers danced and it was a great time.  I have no regrets at all!

JessAndTrav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-thread-children-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:63204b44-c7e5-448d-89d7-db2dae0e44d2Post:ad12497d-94e8-4395-8052-65928598f705">Re: another thread about children at weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]We only had about 4 kids, but they were all extremely well behaved and we had no regrets about having them there.
Posted by twilight.rose[/QUOTE]

This exactly.

I really didn't want a bunch of kids there,  just because I was afraid I'd feel the need to step in and play babysitter or something. It wasn't bad at all. The kids were all well behaved.

I will say, however, that had to do with the kids that came. They all just happen to be really good and sweet kids. There was a family that we were going to invite, but eventually decided against it, and I absolutely would not have let them come.  These kids DREW ON THE WALLS in our church sanctuary while their parents were STANDING THERE and did nothing. Did I mention that the dad was employed by our church at the time?

Yeah, they wouldn't have gotten the invite if I would have invited the parents.

xyrius

we're inviting our nieces/nephews and my daughter (who will be 2) - so there will be 6 total, all under the age of 7

any other children that are related to us are second cousins - and we made our guest list cut-off at first cousins - but that's for budgetary reasons only

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

The last wedding I went to had 4 flower girls and 3 ring bearers and it was kind of a nightmare. Kids running all over the dance floor all night. Trust me, if 1/3 of our list were kids under 10, I would have said no kids.

That said, about 12 of our guests are kids under 18. One 17 year old is coming and a 14 month old, AFAIK. The rest probably won't. With that few children, I really don't forsee a problem.

banana468

We knew we wanted children at the wedding.  We also knew that the ones who would show up would be well behaved so that it wasn't going to be an issue.

Had DH's cousin in FL still been in CT, we would have had to seriously think about other arrangements. 

parker624

as a side note:  We have 2 friends who have 1 year olds.  Their children were not invited.  The friends were both from OOT, and both couples came to the wedding.  Their kids stayed home, and the parents were excited to have a weekend getaway without the baby.

But, any 1st or 2nd cousin of ours was invited, no matter their age

strlzfan11

I think it depends a bit on who's footing the bill.  When my sister got married two years ago her MIL wanted a kid-free wedding because she didn't want her nephew bringing his twins (who were probably about 2 at the time).  The in-laws paid for the groom's guests and our parents paid for the bride's guests.  When the MIL mentioned the kid-free reception to my sister she said absolutely not, because we have some young cousins that are part of every family event we ever have.  Since the MIL didn't pay for the bride's guests she didn't get a say.  I don't recommend doing it this way, but it is what worked in my sister's situation.  I think there were 8 kids total under the age of 18 at the wedding and only 2 of those 8 weren't family (1 was the FG and the other was a family friend's baby under the age of 1).

frogurt814

We included children at our wedding.  I honestly saw no reason not to include them.

We probably only had about 8 or 9 children at the wedding.  4 of which are all around 1 or under.  They were no problem at all.  Most of our friends who have children got babysitters for the night and did not bring their kids even though the kids were invited.

temerityjane

I did not want kids at the wedding. I get that a lot of people think they're fun to have at the reception, but I don't find kids, as a general group, to be fun and also thing some events are suited for adults.

However, there was no suitable way to make the cut off for who was a kid and who wasn't, without dividing between siblings or telling one uncle out of 5 that he alone could not bring his kids.

So there will be kids. I'm assuming it will work out fine. If it doesn't, well, I will tell everyone, "I told you so," which is very nearly as satisfying as getting my way.

FutureMrsTR

We didn't have a problem deciding, really, because neither of us have nieces or nephews or even first cousins who have kids.  And we didn't invite the kids of our parents' friends because we don't know them/aren't close to them, not because they're kids, make sense?

The only kid there was my MOH's son who was 18 months and he was totally adorable.  Didn't make a peep during the ceremony and totally cute-d up the dance floor at the beginning of the reception.

My half-brother and half-sister were also there, but they're 13 and 16 so I don't really consider them in the kid category.  They also had a blast.

jayjoe

We had no kids and did not regret it. Only one person complained to anyone who would listen but the decision was made, in part, because of that person.

I had a few people that i felt the need to say something to, i didnt want them to think we were being diicks about it. Both of them said they didnt care and wanted a night alone to mingle and have fun without chasing their kids around. No one else said anything.

angiebear11

I don't know if it's where I'm from or just my family, but to me weddings aren't child-friendly events.  Any wedding I've been invited to or my family as been invited to has been adult only.  FI and I never really gave it a second thought.

jcunningham23

Thank you all for the input!
You have given me a lot to think about.

debjwes

We included children at our wedding. I'm so glad we did. They were more fun than the adults. They were the only ones out on the dance floor with me all night!

Calypso1977

we had no kids, and it was wonderful.  zero regrets.  also, we didnt have anyone decline because of it.  they all made arrangements for care, even the folks taht traveled 2 hours by car.

bookgal77

Where our wedding is many eyebrows would have been raised if children were not invited. I really didn't have a problem with it so we'll have about 20 of the 110 there under 18. Not a problem IMO but others feel differently. It's a personal decision based on your wants, your family dynamic, and regional tendencies.

JSweetieXO

We are not having kids at the wedding because since FI's daughters will not be  here in NY for the wedding, it wouldn't be right to have others. Also money comes into play. We cannot afford to have all the kids at the wedding.