Wedding Etiquette Forum

Weird RSVP response

We sent out our wedding invitaitons last week (we have a bunch of out-of-towners so we sent them out a couple weeks early since the hotel block discount ends on April 10). We put the RSVP deadline to 3 weeks before the wedding (the venue needs final headcount 2 weeks before because our guests have a choice of meal).

We got our first RSVP in the mail today, and I was a bit baffled at first. We had already put in names on the RSVPs to make it clear who was invited.

For this guest, Rob (we'll call him), we had put:
"Rob: choice of entree 1 or 2" 
"Guest __________: choice of entree 1 or 2".

On his RSVP, he selected an entree for both himself and his guest, but hadn't filled in the guest name. So I contact him to find out, and all hell breaks loose. He tells me that he's still looking for a date, and worst case scenario he's bringing his brother's girlfriend! And even if he doesn't, he's more than happy to eat BOTH entrees!

Then he tops that off with "oh, and btw, I'm broke because of all the booze I just bought, so don't expect a gift or anything". It's not even that I expected a gift (we didn't even register or mention gifts at all!), but to be flat out told something like was just so awkward... all I said was "well, gifts certainly aren't necessary". I didn't even know what to say about the guest and double entree issue!

Any advice on how to deal with this guest? At this point, I feel like he doesn't understand that it's a wedding, it's like he thinks it's a frat party or something. I don't even know why he sent his RSVP back so quickly if he's still looking for a date, since he had plenty of time to figure that out!

Re: Weird RSVP response

  • Well he is a grumpy pants today.  I would wait til you are calling back those who didn't RSVP and ask him for his date's name at that time.  Hopefully he won't be such a crab bag.

    Sounds like you handled yourself ok so kudos to you.  Hopefully when you call him back in a couple of weeks he will handle the call in a much better manner.

  • I would probably give him a deadline (like a day or two before your final count is do) to get you the name of his date because you need it for placecards/favors/etc. I would just ignore the gift comment. He seems a little off his rocker.

    Maybe look into your contract or ask your venue about food policies (like if you take leftovers home or something.)  I only say that because I am picturing him throwing a fit if the venue does't serve the second meal to him if he doesn't bring a date, or takes it away or something when there isn't anyone else there, if that makes sense.

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  • Yeah.... that stinks, but that's what can happen when you give a plus 1. Dito KM
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  • Yeah, in the end, if he still has no name, just write "guest of Rob" on the escort card if you need to.

    Weird guy though.

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  • Sounds like he was drunk on the "booze he just bought with your gift money" when you called.  Because you did give him a plus 1, assume he'll have someone with him for your wedding.  Maybe you could see if you could talk to him when he's in a "normal mood" but again, that may be normal for him. Worse case scenario, the extra plate you had to pay for could be given to any guest who showed up but didn't RSVP? Or take the extra plate home to enjoy as a mid night snack?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_weird-rsvp-response?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64025587-7c17-40e8-82f4-68d0ccadbca2Post:ef646c72-17bb-4ea7-a818-310ea72fed50">Re: Weird RSVP response</a>:
    [QUOTE]We only had a few people with +1's and I didn't worry about making sure I had the name. I just made their table card as Mr. John Doe and Guest.
    Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

    It's definitely better to get the guest's name when possible. I assume it would make the guests happier to see their name on the place card / seating chart vs generic guest.

    But yeah, if you can't get the name by the venue deadline date, just "guest of Rob" is just fine. (though I hope he doesn't end up not having a guest and you get charged for the meal).
  • Hahahaha!   OP, I"m so sorry. I have no actual advice, but I'm just picturing this guy saying this to you, and what the look on your face while you tried to process it must have been. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • This is my favorite


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  • Hahahahhaha!
  • Sorry I don't have anything helpful to add, but that IS a really weird RSVP response! I can't imagine how I would have reacted to that phone call!
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  • He was definitely being obnoxious. If he doesn't get back to you with a guest name, you can absolutely put, "Guest of Rob." I've seen ths before. 
  • Well, I don't understand why you need to know his date's name.  Just put the place card as "Rob Whatever and guest".  Maybe he's struggling with finding a date and felt really defensive when you called?
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  • Weird response, but there is nothing really to deal with. Just  ask him right before you print the cards for the name of his guest.  NBD






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • A friend of mine had a guest cross out the dinner options (chicken or fish) and write "steak" on his RSVP card. So at least he stuck with your entree selections!
  • A friend of mine had a guest cross out the dinner options (chicken or fish) and write "steak" on his RSVP card. So at least he stuck with your entree selections!


    NICE! Hahaha!
  • In Response to Re:Weird RSVP response:[QUOTE]Well, I don't understand why you need to know his date's name.nbsp; Just put the place card as quot;Rob Whatever and guestquot;.nbsp; Maybe he's struggling with finding a date and felt really defensive when you called? Posted by Meghannsix[/QUOTE]

    When you have dinner selections with plated meals, it helps the servers know who gets what. I have to say, I find it offensive when I send in the RSVP with my name on it and the couple still puts me down as "StephJean FH's Guest". Like really was it too much work to change that to simply "StephJean".


    OP, like others have said, if you want a name just wait until you get to printing your cards. Otherwise just put "Rob's Guest" if he doesn't give you a name.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • It is very strange to have the meal selections on the wedding invite- never saw that! Another regional thing? B/c every wedding I have went to we ordered that day @ the reception hall and menus were on all the tables telling what was available.

    Also, I could see people wanting to change their minds. I mean, how would I know what I wanted to eat in 2 months from now?
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