Wedding Etiquette Forum

Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day

All,

I'm recently engaged and have started the process of assembling vendors for our weddng.  I have chosen the date and signed the contract with our venue, wedding planner, and photographer.  When I spoke to my parents about the possible dates last month, January 25, 2014 came up as an option.  January 25 is my adopted half brother's (read: my dad and step-mother's kid's) birthday, but my dad and step-mother said not to worry about the date conflicting with his birthday and to choose the date I wanted, so I went ahead and booked the venue, wedding planner, and photographer for that day, as it was the last Saturday to get a great rate at the resort we're having it at and it wasn't so close to Christmas and New Year's.  However, last night, my step-mother told me that they are not telling the kid (he's 7) about the day being the same as his birthday, because it would make him cry, and it's  already "my fault" for making him cry by not having the wedding sooner (apparently when he was told the wedding wasn't for over a year, he burst into tears because he wants to fly in an airplane and go to the resort we're having it at).  He is going to be the only child at our wedding, and he is not exactly what I would call the most well-behaved child I know. 

So, should I try to move the date up a week to "keep the peace" and accomodate the wishes of a 7 year old and his mother, or should I hold my ground and keep the date the same?  I think it's pretty rediculous that I should have to plan my wedding around a 7 year old's feelings (plus I think the kid needs to realize that the world does not, in fact, revolve around him), but, at the same time, I'm worried that my dad will be more interested in keeping the kid happy on his birthday than he is about me getting married (which, in all honesty, he's probably going to be more concerned about the kid being bored/hungry/tired/wanting to go swimming than sticking around for my entire reception anyway).  Thoughts?

Thanks in advance,
AJ
«1

Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day

  • Hold your ground.  Your dad and stepmom are turning this child into an entitled little monster.  Don't be a part of the enabling that goes on for this child.  
  • Hold your ground, especially since you had already previously cleared the day with them.

    Consider wishing him happy birthday at your reception (we did for one of H's cousins during our TY to our guests during dinner)... maybe that will keep the peace, make him feel special, and you two will be the bigger people.
  • Hold your ground!!!! 

    (One of my sisters had her wedding on my birthday and I had a blast.) 
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-b-day-v-our-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:643162b7-a9aa-41e3-8a6c-29e5f62fc610Post:7342953d-49af-4823-9c78-ce1d6ec29791">Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day</a>:
    [QUOTE]All, I'm recently engaged and have started the process of assembling vendors for our weddng.  I have chosen the date and signed the contract with our venue, wedding planner, and photographer.  When I spoke to my parents about the possible dates last month, January 25, 2014 came up as an option.  January 25 is my adopted half brother's (read: my dad and step-mother's kid's) birthday, but my dad and step-mother said not to worry about the date conflicting with his birthday and to choose the date I wanted, so I went ahead and booked the venue, wedding planner, and photographer for that day, as it was the last Saturday to get a great rate at the resort we're having it at and it wasn't so close to Christmas and New Year's.  However, last night, my step-mother told me that they are not telling the kid (he's 7) about the day being the same as his birthday, because it would make him cry, and it's  already "my fault" for making him cry by not having the wedding sooner (apparently when he was told the wedding wasn't for over a year, he burst into tears because he wants to fly in an airplane and go to the resort we're having it at).  He is going to be the only child at our wedding, and he is not exactly what I would call the most well-behaved child I know.  So, should I try to move the date up a week to "keep the peace" and accomodate the wishes of a 7 year old and his mother, or should I hold my ground and keep the date the same?  I think it's pretty rediculous that I should have to plan my wedding around a 7 year old's feelings (plus I think the kid needs to realize that the world does not, in fact, revolve around him), but, at the same time, I'm worried that my dad will be more interested in keeping the kid happy on his birthday than he is about me getting married (which, in all honesty, he's probably going to be more concerned about the kid being bored/hungry/tired/wanting to go swimming than sticking around for my entire reception anyway).  Thoughts? Thanks in advance, AJ
    Posted by ajordan627[/QUOTE]

    I agree with everyone else. Hold your ground.  Like you said, chances are, no matter what date you chose, your father is going to be focused on the kid's comfort and less on you.  So, you probably won't be able to please the kid anyway.

    If you are super concerned about it, and you want to make an effort to keep the peace. You could always have the DJ play happy birthday and give the kid a shout-out at the reception.

    I wouldn't do that.... but, I'm not particularly nice or accomodating as some other people about things like this.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-b-day-v-our-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:643162b7-a9aa-41e3-8a6c-29e5f62fc610Post:716a1e10-a5f9-428a-8e04-2386801c3074">Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is your dad paying any?  Will you lose deposits?  Agree, SM is an idiot, she should have said something earlier.
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    Yes, he is paying for half our wedding (my mom) is paying for the other half and she thinks I should hold my ground.  I haven't checked with our vendors yet - I'm pretty sure the planner and photographer would be ok with it (as long as they're not already booked that day) as I'm considering just moving it up a week; not sure about our venue but I think they would work with us.  Thanks for your response!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-b-day-v-our-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:643162b7-a9aa-41e3-8a6c-29e5f62fc610Post:c3392703-10ce-430f-bdc2-728fb547d586">Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day : Yes, he is paying for half our wedding (my mom) is paying for the other half and she thinks I should hold my ground.  I haven't checked with our vendors yet - I'm pretty sure the planner and photographer would be ok with it (as long as they're not already booked that day) as I'm considering just moving it up a week; not sure about our venue but I think they would work with us.  Thanks for your response!
    Posted by ajordan627[/QUOTE]

    This does change things, if ever-so-slightly. If your dad is paying, he does get a say in how his money is used, and unfortunately, that can include the date. Money tends to come with strings. Are you prepared to cover the money he is providing should he choose to pull funding?

    I still think that you should hold your ground and keep your wedding date, but you should also be ready to either cut your budget significantly or makeup the money that he is planning to contribute.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-b-day-v-our-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:643162b7-a9aa-41e3-8a6c-29e5f62fc610Post:d03209af-f623-498d-8d5f-1f442850555b">Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day : I agree with everyone else. Hold your ground.  Like you said, chances are, no matter what date you chose, your father is going to be focused on the kid's comfort and less on you.  So, you probably won't be able to please the kid anyway. If you are super concerned about it, and you want to make an effort to keep the peace. You could always have the DJ play happy birthday and give the kid a shout-out at the reception. I wouldn't do that.... but, I'm not particularly nice or accomodating as some other people about things like this.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    LOL.  I try to be nice/accomodating (we're not having the wedding in the fall because it conflicts with football and hunting season and because I wanted to give my parents ample time to pay for everything), but sometimes that just leaves me pissed off that I feel like I have to put everyone else first on the one day that's supposed to be "mine." 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-b-day-v-our-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:643162b7-a9aa-41e3-8a6c-29e5f62fc610Post:c3392703-10ce-430f-bdc2-728fb547d586">Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day : Yes, he is paying for half our wedding (my mom) is paying for the other half and she thinks I should hold my ground.  I haven't checked with our vendors yet - I'm pretty sure the planner and photographer would be ok with it (as long as they're not already booked that day) as I'm considering just moving it up a week; not sure about our venue but I think they would work with us.  Thanks for your response!
    Posted by ajordan627[/QUOTE]


    I still wouldn't change the date.  You asked them for date input, they said it was ok.  I would just stick with it and if it comes up again, just say that everything is booked and deposits are paid.  And you wished that they would have objected initially, but, since they didn't, everything is in motion.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-b-day-v-our-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:643162b7-a9aa-41e3-8a6c-29e5f62fc610Post:be879c9b-5b70-469c-a30a-5ad6fa70554b">Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day : This does change things, if ever-so-slightly. If your dad is paying, he does get a say in how his money is used, and unfortunately, that can include the date. Money tends to come with strings. Are you prepared to cover the money he is providing should he choose to pull funding? I still think that you should hold your ground and keep your wedding date, but you should also be ready to either cut your budget significantly or makeup the money that he is planning to contribute.
    Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

    My dad doesn't seem concerned that it's the same day; it's the step-mom that is the problem, and I'm worried that her constant nagging about it "not being fair to the kid" will eventually cause him to stop thinking rationally and acquiesce to her request (demands) just to have some peace.
  • Thanks to everyone for thier responses.  I think the idea of wishing him a happy birthday in my toast/having the DJ play "happy birthday" and providing him with a special b-day cupcake all his own is a good idea.  I'm still just worried about the step-mother problem.  IMO, she has the mentality of a 14 year old girl.  The convo last night ended up getting a little heated, and, long story short, she admitted that she kept me from having a relationship with the kid when he was younger because she was mad at me and "wanted to hurt me."  Immature much?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-b-day-v-our-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:643162b7-a9aa-41e3-8a6c-29e5f62fc610Post:0bb43d03-89bd-4bb9-88f6-9f3d272d2d96">Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks to everyone for thier responses.  I think the idea of wishing him a happy birthday in my toast/having the DJ play "happy birthday" and providing him with a special b-day cupcake all his own is a good idea.  I'm still just worried about the step-mother problem.  IMO, she has the mentality of a 14 year old girl.  The convo last night ended up getting a little heated, and, long story short, she admitted that she kept me from having a relationship with the kid when he was younger because she was mad at me and "wanted to hurt me."  Immature much?
    Posted by ajordan627[/QUOTE]

    Ugh... she sounds like a real treat.   If she brings it up again.  Just say "I'm sorry, I can't change the date. Deposits are paid and vendors are booked.  But, I have a little something special planned for him.  It's a surprise, and I'm excited for him to be at the wedding"

    The end.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-b-day-v-our-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:643162b7-a9aa-41e3-8a6c-29e5f62fc610Post:1248314d-5d71-4d28-99ba-e9c2e8c40d30">Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day : Ugh... she sounds like a real treat.   If she brings it up again.  Just say "I'm sorry, I can't change the date. Deposits are paid and vendors are booked.  But, I have a little something special planned for him.  It's a surprise, and I'm excited for him to be at the wedding" The end.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    Great advice.  Thanks again.  :)
  • Do NOT give in to the wishes of a freaking 7-year old. She's creating a monster. I can't believe she had the nerve to ask you that after approving the date.

    If you dad balks, remind him that you could lose deposits. I'm sure he won't want to be out any money he's invested, 7-year old tantrum or not. PPs had good advice about setting aside some money just in case he pulls out, though.

    I think singing to him and giving him a cupcake is a really sweet idea. Maybe, if SM tells him your plans, he'll stop whining and get really excited. Just don't let her turn it into a birthday party. It's still your wedding.

  • I would just confirm with your dad that even though SM is being (and has been) a  bit of a see you next tuesday type of person, that he's ok with the wedding date. Can you talk to him about the convo you had with her? Not necessarily specifics, but a general "she admitted to making my relationship wish step brother hard, and I've come to terms with her past actions, but I would just like your help in making sure everything between her and I go smoothly"

    Can he come out and visit you soon? So he can ride in a plane sooner?

    I think paying a little tribute to it being his birthday would be a wonderful compromise.
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  • Maybe I'm missing something , but I don't equate stepmom not telling her son about the date means she wants you to move the wedding. She just knows her son. My sister didn't tell her kids certain things too far in advance to avoid unpleasant reactions. Keep the date and don't worry about it. On another note I think having the wedding on his birthday do indeed means your father will have to balance your wedding and his birthday as both special days. Your brother is just a kid and might not be mature enough to understand. I think as the adult should make sure he knows that day his special day also. Get a cake(cupcake), sing happy birthday, take him out for his birthday the day before. He's only 7.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-b-day-v-our-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:643162b7-a9aa-41e3-8a6c-29e5f62fc610Post:357e109f-23c6-4191-8f09-4d9ed7e7378c">Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe I'm missing something , but I don't equate stepmom not telling her son about the date means she wants you to move the wedding. She just knows her son. My sister didn't tell her kids certain things too far in advance to avoid unpleasant reactions.
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    I was wondering if I missed this too. DId she straight up ask you to move the date or is she just dropping passive aggressive hints? If she's just dropping hints, don't even think about it until it becomes straight up said and then play dumb like "Oh, you said it was ok. I didn't realize you were implying you wanted me to move it." Hopefully, if that's the case, it won't ever come to that anyway and just remain in the passive aggressive land.

    If she's asked, I'd hold your ground unless a) your dad says he won't pay if you don't move it and b) you can't afford it without that money. Otherwise, they shouldn't be asking someone to move a wedding for a 7 year old. I can remember many birthdays that were "moved" because of other stuff going on. They can still throw him a party when he gets home. Who cares if it doesn't happen on the actual day? That being said, I do think doing something for a birthday tribute is nice though. We're actually getting married the same week as 6 or so birthdays (between family and wedding party). We're going to sing "happy birthday to yous" and announce all of the names. I think something like that is fine.
  • Just chiming in to say that Jan 25th is my birthday too! Let them stay home and I'll go in their place, k?
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  • I vote keep the date. Maybe you can do something special for him. Like a PP said during the reception thank him for sharing his special day with you and then have the DJ play Happy Birthday (maybe guests can sing along) and  get him a small cake that they can bring out with candles lit. Yes, it's your day, but spending $10 on a cake & letting him have the spot light for 5 minutes really doesn't take away from your special day but will make him feel special. Also early in the day or sometime you and your groom can pull him aside to give him a birthday present. As part of the present, include things that will keep him occupied like coloring books and lego toys.

    You mentioned being at resort I belive, check with the resort if they offer any babysitting services so that away after all the big stuff is done he can be dropped off with someone that can play with him keeping him happy & allow your dad & step mom to enjoy the evening.
  • I realize her SM didn't outright ask her to move the date, but she has in so many words. Given her history of being passive-aggressive and the things she said to OP about her son "crying" and so on, she's basically asking OP to move the date or else feel guilty about it. I have a feeling SM is going to drag out this guilt trip for a very long time.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-b-day-v-our-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:643162b7-a9aa-41e3-8a6c-29e5f62fc610Post:ecb98fd6-2881-4a11-b7ef-e6f374b22d70">Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day : I was wondering if I missed this too. DId she straight up ask you to move the date or is she just dropping passive aggressive hints? If she's just dropping hints, don't even think about it until it becomes straight up said and then play dumb like "Oh, you said it was ok. I didn't realize you were implying you wanted me to move it." Hopefully, if that's the case, it won't ever come to that anyway and just remain in the passive aggressive land. If she's asked, I'd hold your ground unless a) your dad says he won't pay if you don't move it and b) you can't afford it without that money. Otherwise, they shouldn't be asking someone to move a wedding for a 7 year old. I can remember many birthdays that were "moved" because of other stuff going on. They can still throw him a party when he gets home. Who cares if it doesn't happen on the actual day? That being said, I do think doing something for a birthday tribute is nice though. We're actually getting married the same week as 6 or so birthdays (between family and wedding party). We're going to sing "happy birthday to yous" and announce all of the names. I think something like that is fine.
    Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]

    Passive aggressive, but the whole thing escalated into her crying and stomping off after I said I didn't think it was fair that it was "my fault" for making him cry because our wedding wasn't/isn't sooner.  The whole thing became about how I'm not close to him and I don't care about his feelings (or something to that effect), which is when I pointed out to her that I had tried in the past to be a part of his life but was shut down every time, and that's when she told me she kept me from having a relationship with him because she was mad at me and wanted to hurt me.  The whole situation is just a mess, and honestly I think a part of this whole incident is about her and her child not being the center of attention.  All this happened right after our local paper's society pages ran a full-page, full-color story on me and some charity work I'm involved in. I'm just trying to have a nice wedding and keep everyone satisfied.  Fat chance of that I guess!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-b-day-v-our-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:643162b7-a9aa-41e3-8a6c-29e5f62fc610Post:3e8ba734-4144-4131-85d9-1518b9e0914d">Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hold your ground.  Your dad and stepmom are turning this child into an entitled little monster.  Don't be a part of the enabling that goes on for this child.  
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

    agree!
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  • Keep the date! You cleared it with your dad and step-mom ahead of time, and they were fine with it.  Going back on that now is just ridiculous.  My cousin turned 5 on our wedding day.  Her parents got in contact with our cake baker and had a small birthday cake made and delivered to the venue just for her. We also wished her happy birthday during our toasts, and I think we had the DJ play happy birthday.  She basically thought our wedding was a giant birthday party for her and she loved it.
  • loca4pookloca4pook member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited October 2012
    Something to consider. Do you normally celebrate his birthday with him? If not, stick your ground as it isn't your fault.. If your ffamily is big on celebrating bdays together, consider this......


    The reason I ask is because my sister got married on my OTHER sister's birthday. She figured "oh, it's just one day", but now she is realizing that she  didn;t quite think it all the way through.... She 's never wanting to celebrate my sister's birthday with her because it's her anniversary and she wants to celebrate that, too.. She kinda NOW realizes "oh, it wasn't just one day....It's gonna be like this FOREVER"............

    I am not saying to change it, but do think about that fact that you will forever share the date...If you think it will be a problem for you long term, consider it for your own sanity
  • I say hold your ground (and your date), give him a shoutout and a small cake or really awesome gift at your wedding, and carry on.

    He gets more birthdays, you don't get any more wedding days. Besides, isn't that what "birthday week" is for?

    :)
  • I'm kinda curious why so many are blaming the spoiled child?  I haven't heard where the child has been saying anything but rather it's the step-mom who is doing the complaining.  Yes a 7 year old child has little patience.  Heck we didn't even tell my kids they were going to DisneyWorld until much closer because, much like your step-brother and the airplane - they are exciteable and impatient.  Doesn't mean he's a spoiled brat, rather just a typical 7 year old   (I would be glad that he in fact is excited about a plane ride out to your wedding)  As far as his birthday, that's a big deal to a young boy.  Does it mean you need to move your wedding - heck no.  But again the kid didn't ask you to so if you want to get negative put those feelings to the person who should know better, namely his mother.  Personally I would acknowlege my step-brothers birthday in some small way to show him that you do realize his birthday and celebrate that with him.  (Can or doesn't have to be at the actual wedding reception)  I actually feel sorry for this boy who is being used as a pawn.  Please don't project your feelings of anger, frustration and disappointment towards your step-mom and father on to him cause from what you shared he is just being a normal 7 year old.
  • Why is it a problem that a child gets to go on vacation for their birthday?  I'd be tickled pink if I got to go on a fun trip AND eat cake on my birthday when I was a kid.
  • Mindy - because if this child was under control, the mother wouldn't even be bringing this up. Instead of hushing him and telling him no, she's laying a guilt trip on the bride. This tells me the darling 7-year old is spoiled and used to getting what he wants.

    I was impatient as a kid, but if I'd cried and whined that I wanted to go on a plane sooner, I'd get a lecture about whining and would be sent to my room if I didn't knock it off. My parents didn't put up with that ONE BIT. We learned, at a young age, not to push or whine or throw a tantrum. So, no, it's not entirely the kid's fault, but he's part of the reason the bride is dealing with all this crazy SM drama. If the bride gives in, she's giving in to the wishes of a 7-year old and his mother. So yeah, I included him. He's old enough to know better.
  • wrigleyville -  between the ages of 6-8,  a child  typically learning how to self-control, handle transitions and surprises.  They also express an increasing desire to make more decisions and choices for themselves.  Age-wise, this child is right in the middle of this developmental process.  He is appropriately excited about a plane ride and impatient of having to wait a long time.  The appropriate thing would be for the mother and father to explain to the child and yes even offer consequences to help him learn  ...but  not throw the kid under the bus to the bride.  Again I would never label a child a brat who is simply developing and growing on schedule.  The bratty behavior is on the parents not the child.   And the bride is dealing with this simply because the parents are using the kid as a pawn.  The bride wouldn't even be aware had the mother not chosen her own need to crap on the bride over her child.  Labels are harmful and to just nonchalently toss them out based on one side of a story while ignorning social, emotional and physical development stages of said child is reckless

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-b-day-v-our-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:643162b7-a9aa-41e3-8a6c-29e5f62fc610Post:8d6b30b6-e047-4953-b32f-02f859ede8fb">Re: Kid's B-Day v. Our Wedding Day</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why is it a problem that a child gets to go on vacation for their birthday?  I'd be tickled pink if I got to go on a fun trip AND eat cake on my birthday when I was a kid.
    Posted by Cortney1982[/QUOTE]

    This. The parents are handling it all wrong. Their reaction should be, "Yay! Your sister is getting married ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. That means we'll get to go on vacation and stay at the resort and have a nice dinner and eat cake on your birthday. It will be so much fun!" Then, no crying will be involved and they'll move the focus away from him being so self-entitled.
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  • Hey, Mindy. Newsflash. I'm a psychiatrist. I took my fair share of child development courses. I don't need a lecture on why it's "expected" for a 7-year old to cry and whine if they don't get their way. I know how brains develop. Med school tends to help with that.

    Just because it's expected doesn't mean it shouldn't/can't be corrected, and the onus is still on the child to behave. I'm going to chalk this crap up to the latest Attachment Parenting craze, where kids are encouraged to "express themselves" instead of learning how to behave appropriately.

    If a child misbehaves, some of the fault still lies with the child. Sorry if that destroys your rainbow view of society's precious snowflakes.
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