Thank you notes

abh12482

Hi ladies, 

I'm working on thank you notes for my bridal shower. I'm not sure how to address the notes to my FI mother's friends. Some of them signed just their first and last names and other said 'Mrs.". Do I address the note in the way they signed their card or should I say 'Mrs." for all of them since I don't know them very well? Of course, all of the envelopes will we addressed to "Mrs."

TIA!

ricksang

I don't see where Mrs. would be an insult if you don't know them. I could be wrong though

playtntsbpg30

I'd use "Ms" Since Ms. is for those who may or may not be married.

~mRm~

Ms. is the proper salutation for any woman regardless of marital status.

Mrs. would refer to a woman whom you know is married.

Miss usually refers to a teen or young adult.

Since you don't know each of their situation's personally go with Ms. and you will be ok!

HTH

SaraAndrew2010

I agree you should err on the formal side and adress them by the appropriate title. 

You can also check with your FMIL to verify which women are married and should be addressed as Mrs. (and which ones should be Ms or Dr.).  Personally I think most older married women would preferr to be addressed as Mrs. in social situations and might find it a little odd if you adressed them all as Ms.

danieliza1127

I would address them based on how they signed their card to you.  It makes common sense and it's a lot easier than asking your FMIL who's who.  If they signed with their first names, then obviously they are comfortable with you calling them by their first names.

JessAndTrav

In Response to Re: Thank you notes:  If they signed with their first names, then obviously they are comfortable with you calling them by their first names.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

Dani, I seldom disagree with you, but I do disagree with this. I don't know that signing your first and last name is inquisitive of how a person prefers to be addressed.

There were several people at my shower that I refer to as Ms. or Mrs. on a regular basis, and they signed their card as Betty Jones or Sue Hayes or whatever.

I followed the rule of:
Ms. for unknown, divorcee or widow
Mrs. for known married women.
Miss for never married or young women.

banana468

I have to disagree with you Jess assuming you added a title to EVERY woman.  Some actually despise being called 'Mrs."  MIL and her friend Sue are a classic example.  When growing up, MOH called her, "Mrs. Jones".  Once she was back in the picture as my MOH (She went to the same HS as DH and his brother), she and MIL were on a first name basis.  The same went for a friend of the family.  She was 'Mrs. Smith' until DH was an adult.  Now we call her Sue.  To do otherwise would be to ignore her wishes.

JessAndTrav

For the people I didn't know, I followed that rule. But for those I did, then I addressed them as I normally would.

Lyss5782

I agree with Dani: if they signed the card "Jane Smith" I would probably write Dear Jane in the card.  If they signed "Miss/Ms/Mrs. Smith" I would write that in the card.

ac_in_dc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-notes-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64bf49c2-e7cc-4322-b211-9468ece63045Post:06e01967-abca-4aaf-a9b3-df118987661f">Re: Thank you notes</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with Dani: if they signed the card "Jane Smith" I would probably write Dear Jane in the card.  If they signed "Miss/Ms/Mrs. Smith" I would write that in the card.
Posted by Lyss5782[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. I think a lot of my mom's friends actually like me calling them by their first names now that I'm grown; when I call them "Mrs. so & so" they feel like old people!

tenofcups4me

As a general rule, I'd go by how they signed the card. I know my mom would be amused and annoyed to get a thank you addressed to her as Mrs. Jones when she'd signed the card Jane Jones.

But I honestly think your FMIL would probably be the best one to answer this question to since she actually knows the women in question.

(And Jess, the word you want is "indicative" not "inquisitive"!)