Wedding Etiquette Forum

multiple celebrations

We are having a multipart "marriage experience" due primarily to the fact that our communities are spread throughout the US and overseas and the fact that we don't want to have a huge gala.  We are having a very small backyard ceremony with only immediate family and 2 friends each (about 25 people total), followed by dinner...no reception.  We will have an "open house" a few weeks later in Colorado where we live--it will probably be for around 50-100 friends as none of our families live in Colorado.  We are having a large dinner party overseas where my fiance's family lives.

I am looking for suggestions in terms of what to do with regard to my extended family--there are about 20 extended family members on my side who I am close with--almost all of them live in Michigan where I'm from.  I am torn between inviting them to the ceremony (seems like a lot to ask all of them to fly from Michigan for a simple ceremony and dinner--plus it would double the size of the simple thing we have planned, which makes our plan complicated/unrealistic) and doing something special just for them in Michigan (it would be a lot less expensive for them this way and we could do something intimate and meaningful with them, but it would mean that they are not there for the ceremony itself).  Anyone have any suggestions for doing something really special for extended family on one side only?  I am looking for ideas/solutions, not opinions that this is improper.  Thanks!!

Re: multiple celebrations

  • Would there be a way for the MI family to watch the ceremony via the internet? I wouldn't do a whole seperate thing for them in MI. Maybe just bring the tape next time you go to visit.

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  • I am torn between inviting them to the ceremony (seems like a lot to ask all of them to fly from Michigan for a simple ceremony and dinner--plus it would double the size of the simple thing we have planned, which makes our plan complicated/unrealistic)

    I'm sorry, but THIS is what will make your plan complicated?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-celebrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f478a4-b568-4c9e-8252-3b296257e636Post:594f0927-7683-404e-a923-7401b64130c9">multiple celebrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are having a multipart "marriage experience" due primarily to the fact that our communities are spread throughout the US and overseas and the fact that we don't want to have a huge gala.  We are having a very small backyard ceremony with only immediate family and 2 friends each (about 25 people total), followed by dinner...no reception.  We will have an "open house" a few weeks later in Colorado where we live--it will probably be for around 50-100 friends as none of our families live in Colorado.  We are having a large dinner party overseas where my fiance's family lives. I am looking for suggestions in terms of what to do with regard to my extended family--there are about 20 extended family members on my side who I am close with--almost all of them live in Michigan where I'm from.  I am torn between inviting them to the ceremony (seems like a lot to ask all of them to fly from Michigan for a simple ceremony and dinner--plus it would double the size of the simple thing we have planned, which makes our plan complicated/unrealistic) and doing something special just for them in Michigan (it would be a lot less expensive for them this way and we could do something intimate and meaningful with them, but it would mean that they are not there for the ceremony itself).  Anyone have any suggestions for doing something really special for extended family on one side only?  I am looking for ideas/solutions, not opinions that this is improper.  Thanks!!
    Posted by seidmanj[/QUOTE]

    Uh, you can't really dictate what type of responses you'll get, just so you know.

    I would just invite the MI family to your wedding. It might throw off your plans for a "small" thing, but you want them to celebrate with you. That's really the only option I see.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-celebrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f478a4-b568-4c9e-8252-3b296257e636Post:594f0927-7683-404e-a923-7401b64130c9">multiple celebrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am looking for ideas/solutions, not opinions that this is improper.  Thanks!!
    Posted by seidmanj[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>FYI, if what you are doing IS in fact improper, this kind of statement won't really help you at all. 

    </div>
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  • Right now, I plan to have only very close family and friends at the wedding and do a dinner/dance celebration a few weeks later. That is, unless I can find a venue in Vegas that I really like. Anyway, if I do the former, we'll have a DVD playing at the party so anyone that wants to see it can watch.
    9.17.2010
    planning

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  • When you say "doing something special for them in Mi" I get the feeling you mean "doing something special that will result in presents for us."   I'm not sure how an "open house" for friends is a celebration of your marriage, but that sounds kind of gift-grabby, too. 

    Something about your post just rubs me the wrong way, I guess.  If you want to have a reception after the fact in Mi, then go ahead. 
  • You have 25 immediate family members between the two of you?  You must have a lot of siblings!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-celebrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f478a4-b568-4c9e-8252-3b296257e636Post:594f0927-7683-404e-a923-7401b64130c9">multiple celebrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]  I am looking for ideas/solutions, not opinions that this is improper.  Thanks!!
    Posted by seidmanj[/QUOTE]

    What about a limerick or a knock knock joke? It's not an idea and it won't help you at all, but at least I'm following your rule about no opinions on whether or not you're improper.
  • I understand that it is probably necessary to have a separate dinner overseas, but I don't quite understand why the ceremony/dinner and a subsquent party are two different celebrations. Can you just have the ceremony and celebration as one event, while inviting the Michigan family? An invitation is a request for family to attend- if they can't make it, then they can't make it. There is no need to create a whole new event for one side of the family. If they can't attend, II'm sure they will give you congratulations the next time they see you.

    By the way, I would not be stoked to watch a ceremony via internet or be replayed on DVD.
    7/10/10 imageDandy
  • I don't really get the need to celebrate with everyone in the world.  If you think there are some people who are simply desperate to celebrate your wedding, invite them to the real ceremony.  Otherwise, why do you even care to celebrate with them? 

    We're having 15 guests (immediate family only) at our wedding, and we're not having any other parties, even though our friends aren't invited (nor are our extended family members all over the US).   The people we really want at the wedding will be there.  Everyone else can borrow the DVD.
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  • If you plan on wearing a poufy white dress to your 'open house' I will judge you.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-celebrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f478a4-b568-4c9e-8252-3b296257e636Post:dd60a82d-8e48-4afe-839d-73ea09c293e3">Re: multiple celebrations</a>:
    [QUOTE] By the way, I would not be stoked to watch a ceremony via internet or be replayed on DVD.
    Posted by mandybear7[/QUOTE]

    Me neither, but if there's free alcohol, I might be okay with it.  (non pg, of course)
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  • edited January 2010
    It depends. Are the important enough to you to invite to your ceremony? If they aren't that close I would just forget about it. MAYBE send some wedding announcements after all is said and done. If they are, like, aunts, uncles and grandparents, invite them to the ceremony and then to dinner. (Your dinner IS a reception - albeit a smaller, more intimate one.)

    FWIW I have friends and family coming to me from many states and at least 2 foreign countries for my wedding. I don't get all this traveling around, but whatever floats your boat.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-celebrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:64f478a4-b568-4c9e-8252-3b296257e636Post:9ff622f1-cace-4add-a1d9-be50e902ee5c">Re: multiple celebrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: multiple celebrations : Me neither, but if there's free alcohol, I might be okay with it.  (non pg, of course)
    Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

    Haha, true. Although the alcohol can be dangerous and I end up giggly...that usually happens when I am forced to watch some video montage at a reception.
    7/10/10 imageDandy
  • Your wedding isn't as important to other people as it is to you.  It's okay if you can't invite everyone to your wedding.  You don't have to travel all over the country and world so that people get the special chance to celebrate with you.  Just invite them to the either the ceremony/dinner or the open house in CO and let them decide what they want to come to, if anything.  People will travel long distances for weddings, especially for family. 
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  • Honestly, I would do one US celebration and one overseas one. Oh wait, that's what I am doing - ceremony and reception in Chile, and party in the US. I don't really get why you're doing multiple US events. Either you want a small wedding, and you just have the 25 people and that's all, or you want to celebrate with everyone, and you invite all these people in CO and MI to the ceremony and dinner, and they figure out whether or not they can make it.

    Sucrets, I'm wearing my dress again. Judge away, but a) I want to and b) people have asked if I will because they want to see it. It might be wrong, but it doesn't hurt anyone, so I'm willing to accept the consequences.
  • Marriage Experience sounds like a new ride at Six Flags. 
  • It's not about gifts for us, it's about spending time with people we care about.  We are specifically stating "no gifts, just your presence."
  • That's a really nice idea.  Thanks!
  • You know this is an etiquette board right?

    ::tap tap:: is this thing on??


    RIGHT?!!!
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