Sticky situation - "cutting in line" with my wedding

samjofoto

I am 29 and just got engaged a couple weeks ago to my boyfriend of 4+ years (we have owned a house together for a year and a half and I was beginning to wonder if we'd ever get engaged LOL).

My 21 yr old sister got engaged 4 months ago to her boyfriend of 1 year.  My fiance's 21 year old cousin got engaged to his girlfriend of 2 years 6 months ago.  I love them all and am excited for their weddings.

The cousin's wedding is 1/2012 and my sister's wedding is 5/2012.  I've watched a ton of my friends go through a couple relationships, get engaged, married, and have kids since I've been with my boyfriend.  I feel like I'm old balls and would like to get married the summer of 2011 so I can consider having kids before I'm 31/32, and he wants the same.  In theory, I will NOT have kids over the age of 34 because I'm a geneticist and am weird about all that.  I realize that sounds psycho, but I"m saying I feel the clock ticking.

Anyway, it was initially mentioned (by family) that maybe I should wait at least 6 months after both of the other weddings to get married. Yikes.  I am going against this suggestion, and for the most part everyone is understanding about my desire to get married this coming summer.   

I'm pretty darn flexible and don't have a ton of wants for the wedding - just want my friends, family, booze, and a good dj.  I really don't see myself getting my feathers ruffled about small details.  I've been in a gazillion weddings and know that the small details really don't matter. 

Though I think it is ridiculous for anyone to expect me to wait until 2013 to get married, I do realize that I am "cutting in line" and that I might have to tread lightly. I am being careful to not overlap ideas (colors-*yellow blue & pink*, horse carriage, trolley, favors, decor, etc).  It kinda stinks because I wanted a mustard yellow (my favorite color EVER), but the cousin is *possibly* doing a pale yellow (or pink) and I was told it would be inappropriate.  I'm older and can get over it, so that's fine.  I was told I can't do the same venues (it's slim pickin around here...yikes!).  I've always planned on having the ceremony at one of the venues and have talked about it for years, but okay, I'll get over it.

A lot of the unique things they are doing were my ideas....but I should have kept them to myself if I wanted to use the ideas myself.  So, that's fine, I'll steer clear. 

One thing I really wanted to do however was a photo booth for the guests with a vintage backdrop.  My wedding has a vintage vibe.  I planned on talking to my sister about it since I sent her the idea initially.  I was thinking I could build the backdrop and wallpaper it and all that stuff, and then we could make changes to it but still use the same frame for her wedding.  My mom told me NO WAY, off limits, no photo booth.  I guess my sister really loved the idea and mentioned that she couldn't do it if I did it.  I just feel like I'm getting plowed on everything, but I understand at the same time.  I pulled up the email I sent to my sis in October with the picture below, and saw that she loved it so much that she included a million exclamation points in her reply.  So, I agree, off limits.  Now to my point:

1. Is there another idea out there I could use that wouldn't be too close to her idea?

2. Does anyone have any advice for me so I can stop feeling "blah" about all my limitations?  I'm fine with everything individually, but collectively I feel like it might be getting to me (pretty obvious it is, based on the novel of background info I wrote to ask a simple question).  I'm actually getting a bit frustrated that my dear boyfriend waited SO Freaking LONG to propose. He told he was going to marry me after dating 6 months!  and HE always talks about having kids.  so why did he drag his feet for sooooooo long???!?!?!  ahhhh! I'm almost out of "deep breaths".  Actually, typing all of this is already helping me feel better.  I guess I just needed a little vent.  <sigh />...

OK, so photo booth ideas please!!  (and thank you to anyone who read all that junk!)

danieliza1127

I don't think there is a "line" that you're cutting.  You guys plan your wedding for when it works for you and they'll plan theirs.  As long as it's not the week before or after another family member's wedding (so you don't cause family member to have to choose between one or the other), you're in the clear.

Stop sending your sister ideas from here on out until you're 100% sure you won't want to use them yourself.

opalsky007

I think your family is being ridiculous. No one owns the color yellow because they got engaged first. No one owns the right to have the only photobooth. No one owns all rights to a venue. No one owns the next six months after their wedding.

That said, why not just have a box of props like vintage hats, clothes, and other accessories so that folks can play with your theme? You could do it against a flat backdrop so that it's not too close to the frame backdrop if that's important to you.

waltzingmatilda13

Alright, I stopped about half way down.

First of all your advice givers/family members are off their rockers. You can get married on whatever day you want, with whatever colors you want at whatever venue you want. I guarantee that even if all 3 wedding were so similar no one would notice. People don't "claim" venues or colors.

Second of all, every couple gets one day. (*Edit) If you want to get married in 6 months, go for it. Let them all wait a year if that's what the already have planned.

Third, why would you even consider pushing anything back so far when you and your FI have already discussed when you want to have kids and all that jazz? If you want to get married tomorrow and stop popping out babies, go for it! Don't let your crazy family stop you from planning your life.

FutureMrsTR

I only skimmed and my advice from that is:

Screw what other people are saying about timing.  If you were planning your wedding for the day before a family member's or something, I'd say to re-think it, but in this case?  Get married when you damn well want to.

Same for the photo booth.  Do you KNOW how many people have photo booths at their wedding?  Your sister's not going to be the only one.

Bottom line, do what you want for your wedding (as long as your paying for it) and everyone else will get over it. 

EDIT:  I realize I sound all "It's your special DAAAAY" and that's unusual, but in this case nothing you're doing is affecting your guests or causing any discomfort to a reasonable person.  It just sounds like certain members of your family are not reasonable.

Summer2011Bride

Well I think it's kind of you to consider your sister's and family's feelings, but I would personally just do what you want. Who cares if your wedding comes first? They chose to have longer engagements. My only consideration would be for guess or relatives coming to both who may have to travel long distances. As far as "stealing" ideas, I'll be honest. As a guest, I never remember who had what colors or what favor idea, etc. If you want the photo booth, use it. If she wants to use it too, she can do that also.

I guarantee guests at her wedding will not be saying, "Oh so and so used this last year, so this is lame and I'm not doing it." No, if they want to use it, they will. And something like wedding colors will never be remembered by anyone but you b/c you have a vested interest in them.

From now on, don't share your ideas if you're concerned about it. But if you had the photo idea first anyway, then you should use it and not feel bad about it. Just do what you want.

GreenPepperBurger

Get married when and where you want to get married. Use the colors that you want to use. I don't see the big deal.

salt78

That waiting 6 months thing is crap. Get married when you want. 

And I am laughing my ass off at your feeling like old balls comment. I was 31 when I got married and felt like old balls myself.

crfische

What they all said, and I'll just add that if you do or don't have a photobooth, it won't make or break your wedding. I know you really want one, but in the grand scheme of things, it's really just such a small detail.

Also, you have a pretty good attitude about all of this.

emilyinchile

There is no line, so you can't cut it. There are also no dibs on colors, especially not when two people want to use completely different shades of the same color. Ditto photo booths - you are not the first person to ever think of them, so it's ridiculous of your sister to say that since you invented the concept and gave your trademarked idea to her you now can't use it.

I think you have to tread lightly with your sister and your mom because although they're in the wrong, it's equally ridiculous to start a family feud over a photo booth, but I do think that you can maybe try to use wedding blogs to show them how common some of your ideas are. Really the only concern that I do kind of get it not wanting to use the same venues just because I personally wouldn't want to, but the other stuff is just silly.

RobotLegs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sticky-situation-cutting-line-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:652f10f7-1e93-4624-bdeb-01aa0ddb9732Post:ba79fe33-fbd0-4b01-979d-5cf393158f52">Sticky situation - "cutting in line" with my wedding</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>I feel like I'm old balls</strong> Posted by samjofoto[/QUOTE]

I didn't make it past here cause I started giggling a lot.  Sorry.

Oh, but BTW, 29 is not old balls.

Snippylynn

I'm turning 31 in a week and a half.  I've been married a year.  Those young bitches can just wait it out.

But yeah, if you have the means and desire to get married before them... then that's great.  Do it, and tell anyone else to STFU.

NuggetBrain

Your family sounds full of the crazy.  In all honesty, it sounds like they expect you to take a backseat to your sister's wedding just because she got engaged first.  I could understand if she was due to be married like, in the next few months and you went and bogarted everything, but seriously, she's over a year away anyways.  There's plenty of time for both if you do yours in the summer of 2011.  Tell your mom (and it sounds like hopefully once your mom stops freaking her sh*t your sister will follow) that you're going to go ahead with your summer of 2011 date, because you'd like to start trying for children before you hit your dotage.

Moneypenny424

If your cousin got engaged 4 months ago and wants to have a 18 month engagement, then I say you should jump him.  If the family has problems with "jumping in line," they should get mad at him for holding things up for so long.

Pick a day that works for you and FI.  As long as you're not getting married the same week as your sister or your cousin, I don't see an issue.  And take the yellow!

ehathewa

1)  Choose the date that works best for you. 

2) I think that you are doing a great job trying not to have the same weddings as your sibllings/cousins/etc....   BUT - Guest what?  All weddings are similar.  No matter how hard you try they will be alike in a few ways.  So I think it would be reasonable to, steer clear of the same venue and avoid having the exact same color scheme (mustard yellow and pale yellow are differeent IMO), but other than that - just go for it. 

My cousin and I got married this fall and (w/o talking about it) had the same two readings in our wedding, the same flowers (circus roses), and about 40 of the same people were invited to both.  No one cared or noticed. 

waltzingmatilda13

Forget whatever I just said, I didn't read the dates correctly.

Pirata13

Get married when you want and have your photo booth, and tell your sister to stop whining and that she can have one too. I don't get why people think because you have one thing at your wedding, they can't have it at theirs. That would be like my BFF saying she can't have red wine at her wedding next weekend because I did. If people have fun with it, that's all that matters, so why not double the fun. Plus hers will be a year later and half the people probably won't remember anyway. Do what you want and enjoy.

Moneypenny424

Also, if your family cares about cutting in line, they should WANT you to get married first since you're the eldest.  I think sound effects to signify your ovaries dying would be helpful when telling your family .

emilyinchile

FWIW, an engaged friend of mine and I were talking this summer about how our other (not engaged, not soon-to-be engaged) friend has claimed the colors red and purple and told our friends that none of us is allowed to use them in a wedding and how ridiculous that was. Then I realized that I "stole" engaged friend's colors for our CA reception.

Her reaction when she saw it? "Oh great, now I can see how they look in person - I like it!" Because she is a normal person. And because she realizes that no one is going to be at her wedding 7 months later thinking about how she has the same colors I did because no one else cares.

salt78

Plus the fact...your sister is 21 and they are engaged and have only been together a year? I'd be willing to put money on the fact that they don't make it till 2012.

samjofoto

Geez my post was long.  Ooops! 

Thanks for the super fast responses.  I'm good with no photo booth, and a summer 2011 date.  And I'm giggling because I got caught up in a small detail, like I claim I don't do.  It won't make or break the wedding. 

Plus I'll make up for it by putting a bad@ss garland somewhere.  That'll show them.  Muah!

LoveMuffins

Next time they mention line cutting, just tell them that your sister line cut on getting engaged before you had the chance to.

No, don't actually do that, although I would be tempted. But, unless your Mom is footing the whole bill for your wedding, go ahead and do whatever you want. And don't include her OR your sister in the plans, they can't try to nix what they don't know about!

samjofoto

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sticky-situation-cutting-line-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:652f10f7-1e93-4624-bdeb-01aa0ddb9732Post:f8a19022-3561-4c2e-98c1-6fa65aec2318">Re: Sticky situation - "cutting in line" with my wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]If you decided to get married a week or two before one of the others and used the exact same color scheme, I'd give you the side eye.  But if it was several months difference, I wouldn't even notice if it was the exact same colors, let alone same family different shades!  Get married when you want, use the colors you want, have the details you want.  And have fun planning!
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

Haha....the "side eye"... is that the same as the "stink eye"?

AbbeyS2011

Here is an idea:  Make a list of all their wedding plans, then "copy" everything they want to do!  Just kidding!

Pick your date, grab your dress and suit, and get married!  Then, grab your hotel room key and get busy making babies girl!  Who cares what anyone else thinks - especially family!  Nuff said

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sticky-situation-cutting-line-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:652f10f7-1e93-4624-bdeb-01aa0ddb9732Post:7b862583-c134-4bf4-a08e-a5950c2ee4e8">Re: Sticky situation - "cutting in line" with my wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Then, grab your hotel room key and get busy making babies girl!  Who cares what anyone else thinks - especially family!  Nuff said :)
Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]

<div>Siiiiiiiiiiiiiide-eeeeeeyyyyyeeeeeeee........</div>

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sticky-situation-cutting-line-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:652f10f7-1e93-4624-bdeb-01aa0ddb9732Post:2a8500bd-4aac-4206-8a83-431d12ed46c2">Re: Sticky situation - "cutting in line" with my wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sticky situation - "cutting in line" with my wedding : Agreed. I'm also going to ask that Samj stick around. 
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

<div>Agree. We need some more old balls around here. :)</div>

Celles

I never thought of myself as an old ball before. 

I think I like it.

autumnbreeze26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sticky-situation-cutting-line-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:652f10f7-1e93-4624-bdeb-01aa0ddb9732Post:7b862583-c134-4bf4-a08e-a5950c2ee4e8">Re: Sticky situation - "cutting in line" with my wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Here is an idea:  Make a list of all their wedding plans, then "copy" everything they want to do!  Just kidding! Pick your date, grab your dress and suit, and get married!  Then, grab your hotel room key and get busy making babies girl!  Who cares what anyone else thinks - especially family!  Nuff said :)
Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]

THIS! And the rotting ovaries suggestion.

Seriously though, it does sound like momma dukes is being a little batshit crazy. I've tried putting myself in your shoes and I can't imagine my mom ever telling me that I couldn't have something at my wedding because my sister was having it. Tell her you're having the wedding YOU want and if she doesn't like it then you're eloping! j/k

JanoBean75

Who's paying for this? If you and your FI are, don't let anyone tell you "no" to anything you want for your wedding. Tons of couples have photobooths. Tons of couples choose similar colors. No one but the bride and groom really care about the details. They want good food, lots of booze, and fun.

jemmini6

There is no rule that says you must get married in the order you got engaged (if that were a rule, then so would 'you have to get engaged in the order you started dating' so your sister and your cousin already broke that...so you really wouldn't have to follow the marriage one).  Plan your wedding for when you want it, if anyone complains, you can tell them to kiss your a$$.  LOL, but seriously, it shouldn't matter and they are ridiculous to expect you to wait that long just because they are.

My FI and I got engaged in September, his cousin got engaged in October, and his grandma got engaged in November.  We aren't getting married until nextNovember, yet his cousin is getting married in February and his grandma in March.  In no way would we have ever expected that they plan their weddings after ours just because we got engaged first.  That's just plain stupid IMO.

strlzfan11

Pick the date you want.  If people start to give you a hard time, you could always say something to the effect of "Do you want me to wait until 2013 or do you want grandkids?"  Most likely the grandkids will win out every time.  Almost every family loves when new babies arrive.