Bachelorette

jelenybeany

Random question about a bachelorette party

I was recently invited to friend's bachelorette party. I would love to attend, however the MOH who emailed me indicated that everyone needs to bring a bottle of wine, an appetizer to share, and $75 in order to pay for the limo, champagne, and masseuse she's hired for 10 minute neck massages.

Is this a bit much? My bridesmaids paid for everything at my bachelorette party. I didn't have a limo because they couldn't afford it, and I still had an awesome party with all the girls I love.

Not really sure what to do here. Is it normal to expect party attendants to chip in this much? I can't possibly afford to chip in $75, pay for wine and food, and then go out drinking all night. On top of a bridal shower and wedding gift. However, I'd be super bummed to skip the party.

Sorry in advance if I'm way off base here, and I need to suck it up. I've never been to a bachelorette party other than my own.

Snippylynn

Wait. You aren't in the bridal party, and you were asked to pay for the bachelorette? That's ridiculous.

jessicabessica

That's crazy.  If you want to go, can you just go to the part where you drink the wine and eat the apps the people brought and not do the limo and bar-hopping?  I'm guessing they're doing a pregame at someone's house, but I could be wrong.  

HandBanana

It sounds like poor planning. There is so much more you can do for 75.

jelenybeany

Yeah I'm not in the bridal party. Just invited. The pregaming is where the masseuse is,and she wants money for that too. I'm glad I'm not nuts. I thought maybe that was the norm or something.

There are ten girls invited too...She also said she got a groupon for the limo...I just got one emailed to me the other day for $75 for a four hour rental! This is only 2.

The sad part is the bride would most likely be mortified if she knew we were all being asked to chip in so much. I would have been really disappointed if my maids had asked people to give money towards a limo, and someone declined coming to my party because they couldn't afford it.

I thought of going to just the pregaming part, but feel awkward saying, "can I give you less money if I don't use the limo?"

LeiselEB

I would just say "I'm really sorry, but I'm not able to contribute that much. I'd still love to attend, though." If you do want to attend, that is. 

I'd hope they'd be understanding - becaue it's not at all your responsibility to pay for the party. 

Kate61487

So I definitely think what she's planned is pretty extravagant (and not at all a good deal for what it sounds like you're getting) but I don't think it's *totally* out of left field to be given costs for a b-party.  For example: being invited and told the bar where it's being held has a $10 cover charge; or I've heard of girls doing a pole dancing class for a b-party and I imagine anyone who wants to attend has to pay for that.  I don't think the MOH or other host should necessarily have to pay for everyone else, but you also shouldn't have to pay for an activity you're NOT intending to do.    

Personally, I'd email the MOH back and say "I'd love to come, but I won't be drinking champagne, getting a massage, or using the limo".  If you're going to drink wine and eat the shared apps then I think it's fair to pitch in for that part; kind of like paying for your own food/drink when you go out.

pearlaqua

Just curious where the $75 is going if you guys are chipping in for food.  $750 is a lot!

Simply Fated

10 bottles if champagne is an overkill. Do you want to go to the pre gaming? Or the part afterwards? Just be honest with the MOH as to what you'll be participating in and pay/contribute to those elements.

Summer2011Bride

The bachelorette parties I've attended, usually the host has said, "Hey this is what we're doing. We were thinking of all chipping in for the bride's food/drinks so anything you want to contribute is appreciated." Or one time dinner was a potluck so the hostess asked us to bring a dish to pass. I didn't mind either of those, but I think everything she's asking for is a little bit much. Can you just say, "I'm sorry, but I'm unable to contribute that much money. I'd still love to attend the party though," and see what she says? You could always skip the limo and masseuse if you didn't contribute to those things and just bring wine and an app and participate in that part.

lauralaur

I don't think it's ridiculous to ask you to chip in, but in total I think that's too much. I'm weak though, so I'd probably pay it. I would just e-mail her back saying it's more you feel you can contribute and could you participate in only a part of it (if you want to, that is).

jelenybeany

I would have expected to pay for my own drinks, and some of the brides drinks, and contribute towards the brides food, and my own dinner if we were going out to dinner, or bringing a dish for a potluck, but I felt it was absurd to outright ask for $75, and for me to bring wine and food.

Thanks for all the feedback.

jelenybeany

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:65385a80-c781-4d8d-9d06-1ad1865ffa80Post:21a4f378-e1dc-433d-8ce3-f6c9240e835a">Re:Bachelorette</a>:
[QUOTE]Asking bparty guests to pay their own way for activities like a massage isn't outrageous, but I've never been asked to chip in for a limo or to bring food/alcohol AND chip in money to stuff. For my Bach, everyone paid for their own dinner, then we went back to MOH's apt. He provided the booze and some prepared snacks and everyone else was told that if they wanted to bring their favorite hangover junk food, they could but not to feel obligated. I would expect to chip in on food, or pay for a massage, but food, booze, and chipping in 75 for limo/massage? Just for the "pregame"? I'd decline in a hurry!
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]


Yeah my maids prepared snacks and margaritas and we played games at my moh's house. Then we all went to dinner where my maids split the cost of my food, and everyone bought their own dinners. What I liked about that was if someone was too poor to buy dinner, but wanted to come, they could come have a drink at dinner. Or they could have skipped dinner all together, but come out dancing after. I feel like there is no option for me to participate in any of this without forking over a ton of cash. $75 would be one heck of a date night for H and I.

Let me reiterate that I don't mind at all bringing food and wine, and paying my own way for things that I could opt out of. She just made the masseuse and limo fee sound mandatory for participation. "Please let me know if you're coming by sending a check for $75 to (insert address) by August 1."


I also don't see if we're providing all the food and drink how a 2 hour limo rental and a masseuse giving super short massages is going to cost $750. And I'm concerned about what happens with two or three girls opt out. Am I going to be asked for more money?

I don't know anyone that will be at the bachelorette party besides the bride. I'd feel super awkward emailing her MOH and asking not to pay. I guess I just need to decide whether to just decline, or to suck it up and fork over the cash.

sbc2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:65385a80-c781-4d8d-9d06-1ad1865ffa80Post:babe429c-0ba8-45d2-827e-e75702c69e6a">Re:Bachelorette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bachelorette : Yeah my maids prepared snacks and margaritas and we played games at my moh's house. Then we all went to dinner where my maids split the cost of my food, and everyone bought their own dinners. What I liked about that was if someone was too poor to buy dinner, but wanted to come, they could come have a drink at dinner. Or they could have skipped dinner all together, but come out dancing after. I feel like there is no option for me to participate in any of this without forking over a ton of cash. $75 would be one heck of a date night for H and I. Let me reiterate that I don't mind at all bringing food and wine, and paying my own way for things that I could opt out of. She just made the masseuse and limo fee sound mandatory for participation. "Please let me know if you're coming by sending a check for $75 to (insert address) by August 1." I also don't see if we're providing all the food and drink how a 2 hour limo rental and a masseuse giving super short massages is going to cost $750.<strong> And I'm concerned about what happens with two or three girls opt out. Am I going to be asked for more money? </strong>I don't know anyone that will be at the bachelorette party besides the bride. I'd feel super awkward emailing her MOH and asking not to pay. I guess I just need to decide whether to just decline, or to suck it up and fork over the cash.
Posted by jelenybeany[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This. I'm assuming that the $75 came from her adding up all of the costs and dividing by the number of guests minus the bride, so what happens if even one guest can't come/chooses not to? I recently was in a WP and planned the B party with the other BMs. We totally had people RSVP "yes" and so I paid for the limo and three people just did not show up, so suddenly we had a much larger per person price. The BMs took care of it, but what if we couldn't have? And she didn't seem to make the initial $75 much of a choice, so I can't imagine it would be a pleasant situation if she suddenly "needed" more from each girl. </div><div>
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