Bridal Shower/Bachelorette-FMIL

HeatherMKR

My MatronOH called me yesterday to ask what things I'd like and not like for my "friends" shower/bachelorette party (meaning games, stripper, etc.) I'm pretty sure we're settled on a liquor and lace party. She then asks about my FMIL coming. Is the groom's mother typically invited to the "friends" stuff? I know it probably depends on the people and personality, but I don't think she'd be comfortable watching me receive things to wear for her son nor the typical "bachelorette" stuff. Really, I wouldn't feel comfortable. But my MatronOH kept bringing it up...

Any ideas? Suggestions? Commentary? 

HeatherMKR

My FMIL is kind of old school, while my mom is relatively laid back. I'm a consultant for a "fun party" company and my mom knows that. 

I'm going to tell my MatronOH that I don't feel comfortable with it. It's just weird to me. It's like, "Oh! Look what I'm wearing for your son!"bow chick bow wow

weird. just weird. lol

mbishop7

I'm not sure if ya'll have seen the posts I've made about my CRAZY FMIL, but I definitely wouldn't let her at my "friends/lingere/bachelorette" showers.

A few weeks ago she asked me if my FI and I were into "whips and chains". I said no, and then she proceded to say, "oh, so you're in the S&M stuff?" I was so embarrassed and appalled. She is so rude. She will not be attending. They should not know what goes on between her son and you. Awkwardddd!

froggatt.clare

I really don't see a reason to invite your FMIL to the bachelorette.  My guess is she realizes this is an event for you and your friends and will not expect an invite.

However, if you do want to include her, I think Beanie's suggestion of a nice dinner with her and maybe your mom and other close older female relatives would be good.

Chilattegirl

Your MOH is probably just dotting the "i's" and crossing the "t's" and wanting to make sure she doesn't offend anyone by leaving them out.  It's more than reasonable (and normal) to not have FMIL. It's weird to open lingerie in front of someone whose son will enjoy it too.  I had my SIL there (because she was a BM) and even that was uncomfortable.  If you do a BM luncheon or something tame along those lines, it might be nice to invite the moms to that, but Bacholerette is crossing a line

SarahPLiz

For a normal bridal shower, it is customary to invite the mothers of the B&G. If this is more of a b-party and there will be lots of drinking and sex talk involved, I'd be inclined to leave her (and your own mother) out. I've been to a b-party with a MOB involved and it was not pretty. Bride ended up crying in the bathroom at the bar, and the only one to get anything to drink was the MOB, who passed out at the table. Moms have no place at b-parties. 

aragx6

If you're uncomfortable having your FMIL at any of these events, it's absolutely fine not to invite her. I can't even begin to imagine my FMIL at my b-party.

rebarobert2012

If I were having this kind of a bachelorette party, I would be very uncomfortable with my FMIL there.  She is very conservative, and I know that she would be embarrassed.

KellyBrian2013

My mom didn't have any showers or anything related to her second wedding. Her wedding gift from my stepdad's mom? Lingerie. Holy awkward.

Agree with PPs. There is no need to invite your FMIL to the bachelorette/lingerie shower activities, especially if you think the festivities will make her uncomfortable. If someone throws a B-party for me, I likely won't have my FMIL there...

Ash61612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-showerbachelorette-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:654996e2-5d75-4064-b4a2-07be11b06d06Post:90e86acf-6ab6-4217-a1ab-2354991b62b7">Re: Bridal Shower/Bachelorette-FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally would not want it.  Is there a chance you'll be just doing a nice dinner before hand? <strong> Maybe invite the mothers to the dinner so they feel included, then separate for the rest of the stuff later on?  I'm sure they will get it. Most the time the mothers don't wany anything to do with it either.</strong>
Posted by Beaniebeach[/QUOTE]<div>agree

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Bonzo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-showerbachelorette-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:654996e2-5d75-4064-b4a2-07be11b06d06Post:90e86acf-6ab6-4217-a1ab-2354991b62b7">Re: Bridal Shower/Bachelorette-FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally would not want it.  Is there a chance you'll be just doing a nice dinner before hand?  Maybe invite the mothers to the dinner so they feel included, then separate for the rest of the stuff later on?  I'm sure they will get it. Most the time the mothers don't wany anything to do with it either.
Posted by Beaniebeach[/QUOTE]



This.

For the only bachelorette party I've been to, the moms were both invited to dinner, then they left while we went lingerie shopping and out for drinks. They felt included, but it never crossed into awkward territory.

When it comes time for my own, I'm sure FMIL would want to be involved though...I've seen her drink more than some college friends! But there is no way I will have her involved in anything related to sex with her son. That is just way too awkward for me!

acaponi87

Mine will be invited. I'll likely have a decent amount of "older" women because I'm pretty close with some of my aunts.  We are doing kind of a laid-back weekend party up at my cottage. FMIL has been friends with my Mom for 30+ years..she is not one to miss a party. I'm fine with it. I also don't think we are doing lingerie though.