FMIL attire

bucky2012

FMIL asked me what she should wear to the wedding. I trust her to dress herself in something appropriate and she always dresses very nice, so I told her she could wear whatever she felt comfortable in. She seemed a little surprised and just said "oh, okay". I thought this was kind of weird, but then thought maybe I am the one being weird? Am I supposed to tell her and my mom what to wear? TIA!

gurrlballa10

No, my MIL did the same thing to me and had the same reaction.  She wouldn't let it go, so I finally just told her a color and left it at that.

achiduck

I think it's kind of an old school thing that MOB/MOG were told what to wear by the bride. My FMIL and my FSMIL both asked me what they should wear and if it was ok to wear black since that's what colour the BM dresses are and seemed kind of surprised when I basically said "wear whatever you want."

Liane28

My FMIL did the same!  hahaha
I was like "um, just wear whatever you like" and then she was like "well should I wear the same colour as your mom will be wearing"?  and I told her it really didn't matter to me what each of them wears as long as they like it....
I was confused too haha

kmmssg

Back in my mom's day, the MOB ran the wedding show and the bride and groom showed up.  This was THE event of the MOB's life and she planned it from a to z, and was judged socially by it.  (I swear I'm not channeling Kristin789 here).  In that time the MOG would not buy her dress until MOB bought hers so she could "coordinate", or she "wore beige and kept quiet."  This was seriously how things went back then.

I think there is still a lot of that out there but it is very old school.  I have never coordinated with my dds' MIL's because I thought it appeared presumptuous and disrespectful to the MOG.  Your FMIL is being very gracious here and is probably familiar with older tradition.  Just let her know she should wear what makes her feel beautiful and is appropriate for the time of day.

heroeswearbrown

My mom asked and is going to be relying very heavily on my input, which will be minimal and more about what looks good on her, not what I want her to wear, but I gave FMIL input when she asked and she ignored every little piece of info I gave her. *shrugs* Not my taste, but I'm not wearing it, so, whatever.

It is more old fashioned, but traditionally the bride would have some say in MOB/MOG attire. Mostly because traditionally MOB/MOG tried to coordinate with but not match the wedding party. IE, my mom's colors were maroon and pink, her BMs were in maroon and both mothers wore the same shade of pink.

bucky2012

Thanks for all the great advice ladies! I also appreciate the background on where she is coming from, she is pretty old school, and I guess now I can understand where she is coming from.

Peledreamsofrain

This is interesting to hear.  Both my mother and my FMIL went waaay out of their way to consult with me about their dresses.  It was really weird to me.  At first I told them to wear whatever they wanted to, because I trust them completely, but after they kept coming back to me, I realized that I was making them uncomfortable by not giving them direction.

So I just went with it, and told them to wear something in my colors.  They both sent me pictures of the dresses before buying them.  It weirded me out A LOT to tell my elders how to dress, but I just gritted my teeth and did what made them feel better.

Kristin789

>>Back in my mom's day, the MOB ran the wedding show and the bride and groom showed up. This was THE event of the MOB's life and she planned it from a to z, and was judged socially by it. (I swear I'm not channeling Kristin789 here). In that time the MOG would not buy her dress until MOB bought hers so she could "coordinate", or she "wore beige and kept quiet." This was seriously how things went back then.

Again, this is exactly what happens TODAY in the South.  And in many other areas too because, in fact, here is a link to the most popular, most used 2012 wedding website that explains it - and let me emphasize that this is a 2012 website, not some musty etiquette book from the 1930s or something -- so if your mom and your FMIL are reading popular wedding websites and contemporary wedding magazines, this is exactly what they are reading so they are asking YOU about it:

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/mother-of-the-bride/articles/mother-of-the-groom-attire.aspx

jhg140

I had the same conversation with my FMIL. I sent her pics of my mom's dress (short, from BHLDN, so kinda trendy, like my mom), and then literally sent her about 50-60 links from all over the web of ideas since she seemed to be at a loss. Pretty sure she is still gonna ask me what she should wear at some point. It also weirds me out that I have to tell a grown woman how to dress, but then I consider that she wore a black floor length strapless dress to her other son's wedding (one which was totally opposite my style), so I see where she's coming from.