Interesting conundrum...

sclams

I'm a longtime lurker, but now I'd really like other peoples' opinions on this:

I was talking to my mom about wedding-day plans (what few I have at this point!), and she wanted to know who I planned on having help with setup and the guestbook and programs and what not. Most of what I've heard on this board (and tend to agree with) is that you shouldn't ask guests to do little tasks like that, because it's an imposition and some people find it insulting, and you should just let your guests enjoy the day. My mom, however, thinks that her family (especially my cousins) will feel sort of excluded and un-involved if I don't ask any of them to do anything and try to do it all myself, because part of being family is that you help each other out.

So I kind of see her point, but I still don't like the idea of asking my cousins to do a bunch of little tasks, especially since they're all older than me. I'm worried that either way, someone's going to resent it! Anyone else heard this argument before? Any advice?

Robyn5298

I think you're right and Mom's either old fashioned or misinformed.  You don't need anyone to hound your guests to take a program or to sign the guest book.  They're adults - they'll figure it out!

If you want to involve your cousins you could have them do readings during the ceremony or have them perform a song if they're musically inclined.

If you don't want to involve them and just have them be guests that is fine too.  You could always have a quick conversation with them and say "hey my Mom thought I should assign someone to be a guest book attendant.  Can you believe she still thinks you need someone for that job?  I wouldn't want anyone to have to sit around all night collecting signatures, I want people to be able to dance and have fun!"  That way you've explained how you feel about the job and why you didn't ask anyone, cousin or otherwise.

emarston1

You could always show the clip from Sex and the City where Miranda got stuck doing it.  She sums it up by saying, "It's a bullsh!t job."

mysticl

Gee, I'm on the side that has to keep telling my family they will not be doing stuff.  For example my aunt informed my mother that she and her daughter would serve the food at my reception.  Did I ask anyone do this?  No.  If I was going to ask anyone would she be the one I asked?  NO!!!!!  She has been backed off of this but I think I'm going to have to let her set up the cookie table.

sclams

yeah, I've been the guestbook person- it wasn't awful, but it was awkward, and it's certainly unnecessary. That was just an example. The cousins in question are all married and 2 of the 3 have young kids, so I think even my mom would acknowledge that it'd be stupid to ask them to do that particular task.
I think I'll just tell her that I'll make an extra effort to spend time with them while they're in town, and hopefully she won't fight me on it. It's so weird the people get hung up on with weddings!

Wrkn925

I've been a cake server, at age 22.  I butchered the crap out of it.
Not on purpose, but I should've mentioned to cuz that I'm left handed and still don't know how to cut well.

Kristin789

Programs:  Your ushers will take the exact number of programs for the people they are going to seat each time.  Then as the usher releases each person to enter the pew, the usher hands each person a program.

mysticl

I have never, ever seen an usher hand out programs.  Either there is a specific person handing them out (usually a kid who thinks that kind of thing is fun and makes them feel grown up) or they are set out on a table for people to take if they want them.