Adult Event Only...

GCsn2bRhds

My FI and I are getting married in a cathedral, reception in a hotel ballroom. We had decided long ago not to have children at our wedding..with the exception of our flower girl and ring bearer, who are both three years old. They will stay until dinner, then go to their grandparent's. My dad's relatives have a daughter who has a boy, I think he's four and since they're coming from L.A. (we're in the bay area) I would assume they don't want to leave him behind. Their family (sisters, parents) will be coming to the wedding so I don't know if we should make the exception for them. Others are going to think we're being unfair by having them bring their child, and they could not. Thoughts?

brookelynpaisley

Sheesh, this is like the 4th one today. Kids at a wedding are all or nothing. Even though these people are traveling, other people will be miffed if they got sitters and made arrangements for their kids but those guests didn't have to. Can you help to arrange for a sitter for them?

wadingmoose

See, I don't always see etiquette as all or nothing in the same way.

I think that people confuse "fair" with proper.  To me, it's ok to invite whoever you want to your event.  I think it's great that you're being understanding for this couple and their child since they have to travel to attend the wedding.

Would it be an option for you to find a sitter for this child?  Preferably one willing to come to the hotel to look after him?  I think there are other solutions beyond inviting the child, but I don't see inviting children as an all or nothing thing.  Just like inviting family isn't all or nothing.  But you do have to weigh the consequences of your decisions.

AmoroAgain

Just send an invite with a guillotined kid on the front.  That should be specific enough.

crfische

Moose. You're answering kid invite questions. Do you want me to talk to your boss about getting you some more work?

wadingmoose

If only that would work, Fishy.  I've tried.  I'm trying not to be obvious about not having stuff to do so I can't read my novel when my cubemate is around.

Other than that, I'm sitting here screwed.  And wondering why kids you've never met deserve an invite more than people you've never met.

crfische

To be clear, are you saying kids aren't people?

wadingmoose

Heh.  Apparently I subtly let my real feelings show there.  I did mean adults.  I don't understand why kids and adults are different.  You should be able to invite those people you choose to invite, regardless of age.

GCsn2bRhds

Getting a sitter sounds like a great idea. But for one little boy? I know our nephew's(ringbearer) mom is really protective and particular about who watches her kids so they always go to grandma's. Same with my flower girl, I just know the moms would not be OK with this. I don't know anyone who can do this...unless I hire someone. But from where? I just don't know where to look. Haha I'm a mess!
I suppose I can maybe find someone within my sister's circle of friends who can do this for what, $20 for a few hours? I don't even know what the rate would be. lol.

wadingmoose

Your Dad's family doesn't have any other teenagers who aren't invited?

crfische

OH I see what you're saying. Like...you can selectively invite any adult you want, but with kids it's all or nothing, right?

I don't know that it's all or nothing, but I think that kids on the same "level" as each other all need to be invited. Like nieces and nephews for example. You can't invite some and not others...

I mean you could, but it seems a pretty crappy thing to do, ya know?

wadingmoose

Yep, I do agree with that - but then again that goes back to relationship.  Either the bride or the groom likely has a relationship with those kids, right?

wadingmoose

Also, OP, you may want to wait until the couple we're talking about responds.  They may respond with "3" on the invitation at which time you can contact them about other arrangements, etc.  Or they may simply respond with "2" and make their own babysitting arrangements.

Until then, you're worrying over nothing.

scoetto

I think it would be more than $20 for a few hours. Regardless, provide a room in the hotel for the strange child and his sitter to be in so that way the child never leaves the hotel.

jnic0319

We're inviting all of the bridal party kids (p.s. there are only three and they are all under 2) we have two siblings in our wedding and the third is invited, they have a 5 year old, we word of mouth told them she could come if they wanted it was their choice, I kind of think they will leave her with the wife's mom knowing them, but I left it open, afterall her cousins are invited.  But, we are not inviting any other kids.  As far as I'm concerned if people don't like it oh well, I'm usually not like that at all but please, you can't invite everyone!