Is it okay to wait until I get RSVP cards to decide on a venue?

jennifer1816

My fiancee and I are having a hard time picking out a venue because we don't know what we will be able to afford without knowing how many guests to expect. We can afford a very basic wedding on our current budget if everyone on or guest list comes, but we can go extravagent if only 1/2 the people come. With so many guests being out of town that is a real possibility. Is it okay to send out a kind of "Save the date card" that lists the city and date information and then say a formal invitation with the address will be sent after RSVP's are received? Or is that not considered polite?

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-wait-until-rsvp-cards-decide-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:668cb412-f112-4540-b682-70788ec5cd8aPost:dd06c27a-5be2-4111-8b3d-24c1f24e800a">Is it okay to wait until I get RSVP cards to decide on a venue?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiancee and I are having a hard time picking out a venue because we don't know what we will be able to afford without knowing how many guests to expect. We can afford a very basic wedding on our current budget if everyone on or guest list comes, but we can go extravagent if only 1/2 the people come. With so many guests being out of town that is a real possibility. Is it okay to send out a kind of "Save the date card" that lists the city and date information and then say a formal invitation with the address will be sent after RSVP's are received? Or is that not considered polite?
Posted by jennifer1816[/QUOTE]

<div>No can do.  Book the basic venue, and upgrade things if you end up with a lot of people responding no.  </div>

mica178

Get a place that can hold everyone if they all RSVP yes, then if a bunch of people can't make it, you can upgrade to fancier food or better decorations, etc.

pantherRN

Maybe my brain is just fried from today, but Im not sure what you are asking. From what I understand, you want to send out a RSVP card with your STDs?

If that's the case, I don't think it's that it isn't polite, it's that people's plans are definitely going to change between now and your wedding day. My advice would be to talk to a few of your relatives who are from out of town and see what they say. However, you should only plan the wedding that you can afford now. You shouldn't choose the extravagant venue, banking on only half of your guests coming.

Loopyseven

Nope, no one can really commit early enough for this plan to work.  Many people can't request off work until shortly before the date, others can request but won't be confirmed that they get the time off until the week or two beforehand.  Save the Dates are just that - a request for them to save the date.  If they get a save the date, they must receive an invitation 6-8 weeks before the wedding.  

Meg1036

You can't do this, even though I understand how you may want to.

Guests do not RSVP to save-the-dates.  They RSVP to the invitation themselves (and the RSVP deadline should not be more than a couple of weeks before the wedding).  People's plans change, and it is rude to ask them to commit to your wedding far enough out for you to make the venue choice.

Take Mica's advice, and book what you can afford.  Upgrade food or other options at the venue if you're able after RSVPs come in.

SparrowSong

I really don't think that makes any sense in a time line.

Most guests are not going to be SURE if they can attend unti a couple months before. You really can't get a realistic RSVP number based off save the dates sent way, way ahead of time.

Venues usually have to be booked at least six months in advance, if not earlier.

You need to balls up and plan a guest list based on what you can afford and want, not vice-versa.

ajroark

My first thought was: "What if you choose a date and send out Save-the-Dates and then all venues you like are booked on the day you want by the time you officially try to reserve one?"

TiffannieF

Ya I agree with pp, I don't see how people can commit to something so soon.  STD's are suppose to be a curtiosy to your guests, a heads up.  So I would go with your basic wedding or post pone your wedding until all those guests can afford the fancy one.  Good luck! 

And don't feel bad, the guest list IS THE MOST STRESSFUL PART of the wedding!  And a lot of my friends that have had weddings say one of the things they regret is not inviting enough people, so have all the people there that you can. 

snwilson0416

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-wait-until-rsvp-cards-decide-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:668cb412-f112-4540-b682-70788ec5cd8aPost:287eeaac-c158-4ed3-b418-a4c2e57fddc9">Re: Is it okay to wait until I get RSVP cards to decide on a venue?</a>:
[QUOTE]My first thought was: "What if you choose a date and send out Save-the-Dates and then all venues you like are booked on the day you want by the time you officially try to reserve one?"
Posted by ajroark[/QUOTE]
This was my first thought as well.

Brandiewine11

You've got the order all backwards. Since you know your budget, book a venue you can afford and invite only the number of guests you can afford. You can upgrade some things later if you have extra money.

It makes no sense to ask for RSVP's from save the dates. Plans change a lot in that amount of time. Also, what if all the venue's you liked are booked on the date you set? 

Book the venue first.

MissOwl

pp's are right.

1. mock up realistic budget

2. mock up realistic guest list

3. secure a venue that will fit that list

4. send save the dates

you've already done number 4 so you should probably revisit 1-3 pretty quickly.

kmmssg

Ditto everyone else.

Most venues are booked many months or even a year plus out from the wedding.  You can't expect people to know their exact plans that far out, and even if you tried to get RSVP's to save the dates, you would have people who change their mind after all and can't come, and some who decide they can come after all.  Yep, you have this backwards.

skippylouwho

People don't RSVP save-the-dates, they RSVP the wedding invitation.

graysquirrel

How can people RSVP to an event if they don't know where/when it is? This plan sounds like it would lead to tremendous confusion and crossed wires. You would probably end up with 2 sets of RSVPs and either lots of people changing their minds or calling you wondering what exactly is going on. Send your STD only after you have a date and location locked it, pick the venue that can hold the most & that is affordable, and plan for a maxed out guest list.