Wedding Etiquette Forum

Money dance or no?

My fiance and I are torn whether or not to have a money dance.  Here's my/our scenario:

We live together and therefore we honestly don't need anything as far as registries go.  We live in an apartment and do not plan on getting a house anytime soon.  Bottom line is we are not registering.  We are however paying for the entire wedding ourselves, and would love any money donations to towards our honeymoon! :) Since we've heard its tacky to put registry cards/monetary donation websites in the invitation, we are following that rule- so everyone will hopefully find out by word of mouth what they can do if they wish to give us something.

Here's my personal dilemma: I'm a bartender by day, and I have a lot of regulars I see on nearly every shift (95% men).  Obviously, they tip every time they close out their bill. Many of them plan on coming to the wedding, and I'm afraid if would be tacky and somewhat demanding (by lack of better word) if we did a money dance.  Maybe I'm just one sided and blind to the fact that it's a wedding and therefor a completely seperate issue?  Or am I right and it's not classy whatsoever to ask for money from the same people who are generous to me on a daily basis?  Help!!

Thank you :)
I love you just the way you are, as long as we both shall live.

Re: Money dance or no?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-dance-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:66c06569-53ee-4b07-98ff-ad4c8c804717Post:f010cf7f-5753-442d-99c6-daefcda6520d">Money dance or no?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I are torn whether or not to have a money dance.  Here's my/our scenario: We live together and therefore we honestly don't need anything as far as registries go.  We live in an apartment and do not plan on getting a house anytime soon.  Bottom line is we are not registering.  We are however paying for the entire wedding ourselves, and would love any money donations to towards our honeymoon! :) Since we've heard its tacky to put registry cards/monetary donation websites in the invitation, we are following that rule- so everyone will hopefully find out by word of mouth what they can do if they wish to give us something. Here's my personal dilemma: I'm a bartender by day, and I have a lot of regulars I see on nearly every shift (95% men).  Obviously, they tip every time they close out their bill. Many of them plan on coming to the wedding, and I'm afraid if would be tacky and somewhat demanding (by lack of better word) if we did a money dance.  Maybe I'm just one sided and blind to the fact that it's a wedding and therefor a completely seperate issue?  <strong>Or am I right and it's not classy whatsoever to ask for money from the same people who are generous to me on a daily basis?</strong>  Help!! Thank you :)
    Posted by SharonWes0624[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>There is nothing classy whatsoever about saying "pay to dance with me."</div><div>
    </div><div>I can understand money dances when they are a long standing family tradition.  But when you are flat out saying you are doing it just for the money, then my answer is absolutely not to do one.</div><div>
    </div><div>If you don't need physical gifts, then don't create a registry, and your guests will get the hint.  </div><div>
    </div><div>

    </div>
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  • General consensus around here is that they are tacky and rude. It's accepted or even expected in some circles, but I wouldn't do it. Your reception is a "thank you" to your guests for coming - not a money-making event.

    Just go with your plan of a small registry and spread by word of mouth that you are saving for x. (It's a good idea to register for at least a few gifts as some guests won't want to give cash and you'll end up with 10 ugly toasters if you don't have some non-money options.)
  • Asking for money is never classy. Period.
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  • mica178mica178 member
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    If you don't have a registry, people will either give you a random gift or they'll give you money. 

    Unless money dances are common in your culture, I would not do one.  I've never seen one and would feel uncomfortable if there was one at a wedding (and I would probably opt not to participate).  Especially if you are inviting clients to the wedding, do not ask guests to open their wallets at your reception!

  • Absolutely not to the dollar dance.  As others said, you are saying "pay to dance with me"....as pp said, no way to make that sound classy.
    And semi-off topic but if you are not registering period, please make sure you do not have a shower. 
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  • Fabulous, thank you so much for all of your posts.  I live in Mormon culture in Utah and they're quite common (as is putting registries in invitations).  We are NOT a part of that culture and I am now clear as to what is polite and traditional to the rest of the world.  Thanks! 
    I love you just the way you are, as long as we both shall live.
  • Yeah, I agree with the other ladies I would not do a money dance. However, I do completely understand your situation. I think you are doing the right thing by spreading the info via word-of-mouth and I think that is really all you can do. Hope this helps!
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  • If they are a tradition in your family then I don't see anything wrong with doing one. I understand no everyone feels this way. I do agree with pp that your guest will get the hint that you prefer cash if you don't register.
  • It depends; I'm personally going to have a money dance because it's a family tradition so I don't really feel uncomfortable with it. BUT if you think you'll feel uncomfortable, don't have one. I'm sure people (not EVERYONE, but some people) will bring cash gifts in lieu of any registered ones since you aren't registering. So you can use that money for honeymoon spending money. Don't let yourself be uncomfortable on your guys' big day! Smile
  • OP, since you said it's not tradition in your culture, it's best not to do it.  Also, if you'd like to get cash, have a very small registry (because some people would rather give a physical gift), but that will give most guests the hint that you guys want cash and they will behave accordingly.
  • Money dances in Wisconsin, in large cities and small towns are very common and in some circles considered a tradition. I went to a wedding recently where the money dance revenue went as a tip to the DJ. That sounded clever and surely well appreciated. Just a thought.
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