Facial Hair...

mbuckley85

One of our GMs has a mountain man style beard (or at least did last time I saw him).  I know FI and I can't ask him to shave for the wedding, but can we request that all the guys at least look cleaned up a little?

Its really not a huge deal to me.  Yes, it would upset me a little if he didn't feel the need to at least look clean for our wedding, but FI is more upset about it.  FI hadn't seen him in a couple months when he asked him to be in the wedding, so were all taken by surprise by the massive amount of growth on his face.  I know he isn't opposed to cutting it, he just doesn't do it regularly.

Personally, I think the guys mother will probably tell him that he should trim before the wedding (she HATES his beard).  I'm willing to just hope that that happens and he listens to her, but FI is more upset about it.

J&K10910

What exactly is he upset about?  That his adult friend had the AUDACITY to grow out the hair ON HIS OWN FACE?

Oh wait, yes, now that I type that out, I can absolutely see why that's worth getting upset over.

Maggie0829

I agree with what MilkDuds said.  Adults know that when they go to nice events, such as weddings (and especially when they are a part of the WP) they know to come clean, trimmed and dressed appropriate.

Just let it go.

midgetthemighty

My cousin had a mountain man style beard and long hair for our wedding. Everything was fine. Don't say anything about it.

J&K10910

Oh FFS, your wedding isn't until October?  JesusfuckingChrist.

You realize that he could be clean shaven tomorrow right?  I mean, dude has time to grow a whole other mountain man beard by the time your wedding rolls around.  And I'd be willing to be he will have trimmed or shaved it at least once by then.  Facial hair is not permanent.

AdeleDazeem

What is he upset about exactly?  That he'l have to look at his friend's beard in his pictures?

aragx6

What's wrong with a beard? I find it hard to believe your FI is really upset about this.

specialk84

My brother had a similar beard. Most of us teased him about it, but we tease him about a lot of things, and it's all in good fun.

For his best friend's wedding, he shaved it without any intervention from the bride, groom, or our mother. He is an adult and knew his friend didn't want to look at the photos in thirty years and think, "WTF was on J's face?" He said he'll grow it back in the winter.

Another option is for FI to find a place for the guys to get ready. Around here, a lot of WPs go to an old-fashioned barber and get a staight razor shave. Even if it wasn't shaved bare, the barber might suggest to the GM, "Hey, let me clean that up a little."

Beachy730

Not gonna lie, both of my BIL's can look like they just rolled out of bed at any given moment, or haven't washed their hair in weeks and I was a little afraid that they would look like that at the wedding.  But we didn't do or say anything about it because they are grown adults and its not our place.  They both decided on their own though to cut their hair and shave and looked great, and we weren't the assholes who told grown adults how to take care of themselves.

mbuckley85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facial-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:66e2d0e9-ea79-4a25-849b-ef97df50b7a2Post:7222870a-d2df-4125-8772-fd04240a3545">Re: Facial Hair...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sure 99% of adults know to show up looking clean/trimmed when a member of a wedding party. I wouldn't worry about it or say anything. <strong>Would your FI have not asked him to be in the bridal party if he knew of the beard?</strong>
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't know.  Possibly?  He was pretty disturbed by it.  </div>

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facial-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:66e2d0e9-ea79-4a25-849b-ef97df50b7a2Post:5e835a41-1b9d-4be7-b36f-4f104e3d7f7f">Facial Hair...</a>:
[QUOTE]One of our GMs has a <strong>mountain man style beard </strong>(or at least did last time I saw him).  I know FI and I can't ask him to shave for the wedding, but can we request that all the guys at least look cleaned up a little? Its really not a huge deal to me.  Yes, it would upset me a little<strong> if he didn't feel the need to at least look clean</strong> for our wedding, but FI is more upset about it.  FI hadn't seen him in a couple months when he asked him to be in the wedding, so were all taken by surprise by the massive amount of growth on his face.  I know he isn't opposed to cutting it, he just doesn't do it regularly. Personally, I think the guys mother will probably tell him that he should trim before the wedding (she HATES his beard).  I'm willing to just hope that that happens and he listens to her, but FI is more upset about it.
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

How does a mountain man beard = not clean? I mean, if last week's dinner is still hiding in there then, yeah but I'm sure the guy washes his face and beard.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facial-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:66e2d0e9-ea79-4a25-849b-ef97df50b7a2Post:05e022b0-65bc-4ff4-8a6e-2a778dfd09e6">Re: Facial Hair...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Facial Hair... : I don't know.  Possibly?  He was pretty disturbed by it.  
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

Disturbed is a weird word for this situation.

Meegles4

Ya know, the more I think about it, I actually disagree that most people know to get cleaned/trimmed up for a wedding, especially if they're in the WP. I think that's a nice thought and all, but just don't know if it's 100% realistic. If this guy likes keeping things a little unkempt, I don't know if he'll think to clean himself up. We all have different views on what's appropriate for weddings, which is why people come on here freaking out about guests wearing jeans and such. (And as I recall, Buckley was one of those people, so proper attire is clearly a concern in her circle).

That being said, I agree you shouldn't say anything. As PPs said, he could have a totally new look by October, or maybe his mother will say something as you are predicting. I suppose if he were to ask you "hey should I shave my beard?", you could say it'd be nice if he trimmed it up. But you shouldn't bring this up on your own. He is who he is and I assume your FI picked him to be in the WP for reasons other than his looks.

Summer2011Bride

I find it...odd? that your Fi would have not asked someone just over their beard. But maybe that's just me.

And no, you can't tell him to shave. I honestly would not worry about it.

mbuckley85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facial-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:66e2d0e9-ea79-4a25-849b-ef97df50b7a2Post:3300c446-9569-41e4-9fbf-97990273f4c0">Re: Facial Hair...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>What a surprise. A post by mbuckley about how other people look</strong>. Tell your FI to stop fretting about it. It's not his face.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

<div>Seriously?  Can you have a tiny bit of maturity and let go?  I'm sure if I went back in your posts I could find something to attack you about too...</div>

J&K10910

In Response to Re:Facial Hair...:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Facial Hair...:I'm sure 99 of adults know to show up looking clean/trimmed when a member of a wedding party. I wouldn't worry about it or say anything. Would your FI have not asked him to be in the bridal party if he knew of the beard?Posted by ILoveMilkDudsI don't know. nbsp;Possibly? nbsp;He was pretty disturbed by it. nbsp; Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

If I told you what I think about your fi based on this, it would be ban worthy.

Habs2Hart

We had a bush man in our wedding.  He had a massive black curly beard two days before the wedding.  We never said a word to him, because that's who he is.  He showed up clean shaven with a hair cut at our rehearsal.

Expect people to take care of themselves.  No need to micromanage. 

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facial-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:66e2d0e9-ea79-4a25-849b-ef97df50b7a2Post:3bfc6676-a4e8-4a84-8d71-e360fc2f3b98">Re: Facial Hair...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Facial Hair... : He's disturbed by facial hair? 
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]


Don'tcha know that Grizzly Adams is disturbing?!?  There's a support group and everything!

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/8/14/480d97a0-1734-4336-ae02-38c0d121fde5.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/8/14/480d97a0-1734-4336-ae02-38c0d121fde5.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

RailWayWife

Its his face if he wants a beard there is nothing you can do about it. Whats the big deal anyway?

AdeleDazeem

I don't think there's anything wrong with the before picture, Duds. 

I like beards.  My husband has had one for years now because I like it so much.    I've never seen my father without one.  Beards don't equal cave people.

mbuckley85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facial-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:66e2d0e9-ea79-4a25-849b-ef97df50b7a2Post:d12c9333-aa7f-473b-9189-2a5e90db0d65">Re: Facial Hair...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Oh FFS, your wedding isn't until October?  JesusfuckingChrist. You realize that he could be clean shaven tomorrow right?</strong>  I mean, dude has time to grow a whole other mountain man beard by the time your wedding rolls around.  And I'd be willing to be he will have trimmed or shaved it at least once by then.  Facial hair is not permanent.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yes, of course I know that.</div><div>
</div><div>The beard didn't just show up.  Its been there for a while.  I think it was back in January that FI asked me if I thought his friend would get rid of it for the wedding.  I was a little shocked by it at the time, but I do have some confidence that he may clean it up a little, if not completely.</div><div>
</div><div>And for the record, my dad and I randomly were talking about facial hair yesterday and my dad mentioned that he's going to shave completely for my wedding.  I never asked him to and my father has had a mustache for my whole life and a beard for at least 20 years.  I have never seen him completely shaven.   He does trim his beard low when he dresses up though.</div>

midgetthemighty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facial-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:66e2d0e9-ea79-4a25-849b-ef97df50b7a2Post:6995febf-dbf3-41f2-89a6-22e884970fa6">Re: Facial Hair...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>When I look at our wedding pictures, I see our friends , not how they are wearing their hair.</strong> If you don't think you'll be able to do the same, I think you have bigger problems than a bushy beard.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

I was just about to say that. Look, my cousin whom I love and consider one of my best friends, not the beard of doom.


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monikaedwards

I'm sure he's adult enough to realize that your wedding is a special day and to clean up his look, whatever that means. If not, you can laugh about the pictures 20 years from now.

rlavach

I think the ONLY way that there would be a legitimate problem with facial hair is if you're getting married in a place of worship where excessive facial hair isn't considered respectful/acceptable. That was our case & when my DH asked his brother about his beard his brother stopped him & told him he already knows and intended on shaving before the wedding. That's really the only instance that I'd see asking him to shave would be appropriate & I know that's rare.

[Deleted User]

I love mountain man beards. This is weird.

Mrs.B6302007

My dad has a goatee.  I've only seen pictures of him sans 'stache when he was in high school and Vietnam.
My brother has a really long goatee.  I don't even remember how long it was at our wedding.
My H has a goatee and I love it.

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facial-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:66e2d0e9-ea79-4a25-849b-ef97df50b7a2Post:3300c446-9569-41e4-9fbf-97990273f4c0">Re: Facial Hair...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>What a surprise. A post by mbuckley about how other people look.</strong> Tell your FI to stop fretting about it. It's not his face.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

Hehe, thats what I was thinking.

OP, if your FI is disturbed over his friend growing a beard, ummm...that's disturbing.  Who cares if his gm has facial hair.  You sound very superficial.

mica178

There are religions where you have to be clean-shaven?

mbuckley -- telling a WP member to shave is rude.  If you want different answers, try WW or M&M.  Or weddingwire.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facial-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:66e2d0e9-ea79-4a25-849b-ef97df50b7a2Post:0b5ffcc6-7d97-4e91-8a0b-7877635f3d06">Re: Facial Hair...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Facial Hair... : Hehe, thats what I was thinking. OP, if your FI is disturbed over his friend growing a beard, ummm...that's disturbing.  Who cares if his gm has facial hair.  You sound very superficial.
Posted by LiLe422[/QUOTE]

When someone with only 70 posts has noticed this, it's probably time to reconsider how you present yourself on this forum, mbuckley. Seriously.

mbuckley85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facial-hair?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:66e2d0e9-ea79-4a25-849b-ef97df50b7a2Post:6e362c47-9a1f-4c1c-a667-8c1c5373f823">Re:Facial Hair...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Facial Hair...: If I told you what I think about your fi based on this, it would be ban worthy.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>To be perfectly honest, I'm sure that he wouldn't have not asked his friend to be in the wedding based on his facial hair.  I do think that he would have said something up front about maybe trimming it down for the wedding, which from what I've read, is okay, as long as you make it clear up front what will be expected.

</div>

brandichamberlain

My FI's beard will be like this on our wedding day.  THE HORROR!