More Guest List ??

Sassenach1743

Hi Ladies, I still have to finalize my guest list with my Mom and my fiance's parents but I've made a preliminary rough draft to start with and I'm running into some kinks that I can't seem to get past...

Keep in mind, we are trying to keep our wedding as small as possible. Our venue only holds up to 100 persons and we'd like to keep it at 75 total (including us).

Here are my questions:

1. Concerning extended family members with whom I do not have a relationship at all (e.g. my Dad's side of the family; his brother and three sisters) do I invite them? I don't want to because I can't really afford it but I don't want my Dad to be insulted and I also don't want to come off as gift grabby either. Bottom line, I never see them or talk to them and they all live on the east coast and I live (and grew up) on the west coast. Is it okay to just send them announcments after the wedding?

2. For single friends, whom I know are truly single (i.e. not dating or in relationships) can I invite them without a guest? I understand the plus one guidelines regarding single adults, but considering our budget is tight and we are basically already at our comfortable capacity I don't really want to have to allow for extra people that I don't know. And I say this because I have been that single friend, who is invited with a guest and I end up bringing a date that I am not involved with but just bring them for the sake of bringing a plus one. I've also attended a few weddings of friends without a plus one and had just as good of a time... 

3. Is it okay to only invite children in the family and not invite children of our friends? Again, I'm doing this to keep our numbers down. I don't plan to say no children or have anything like that indicated on the invites. But, I do plan to address my invites to the couples only (not w/ family, or children's names) unless they are part of mine or my FI's family. Is that okay? If any of my friends with kids ask I will just let them know that only children in the family have been invited due to budget restraints.

What do you guys think? Any suggestions are appreciated.

Thanks for reading

aurianna

1. If your dad isn't paying for the wedding you can invite whomever you want. Just be prepared to handle any drama/stife that could arise.

2. If they're truely single, they do not need to be invited with a guest, however if you're able, it's nice to extend them to single wedding party members, and after that, if there's room, to people traveling from out of town / guests that won't know anyone else.

3. Just inviting family children is fine (assuming you handle it the way you've explain: just list who is invited on the invites and no more than that). Be prepared for some write-ins you'll have to call and possible hurt feelings, but you'll be doing nothing wrong if you choose to do this.

daveANDkristen

All of these things are OK!

HandBanana

1. You certainly can not invite them. Be aware that this might not reflect well on you and can do permanent damage to your future relatiinship with them. 2. I suppose you don't have to give single guests dates. I am always of the mind that every adult guest gets a date. 3. Are you saying immediate family's kids or are you including exteded family? It is a bit easier to rationalize only immediate family's kids or children that are WP members.

JaxInBlue

1.  I'd talk with your Dad about the pros and cons for both inviting them and not and listen to what he thinks before you make a final decision.  Everyone's family dynamic is different.  For our wedding, we invited all siblings of parents and SOs.  It was just understood that those were required.

2.  Truly single people without SOs do not need a plus one.  It's nice if you have space, particularly if the single people don't know one another very well.  However, for budgeting purposes, because you have a year, I'd account for most, if not all, single people to have an SO that needs an invite.  It will be easier to plan now than have to add to your budget and guest list  later.

3.  We did this; we only invited nieces and nephews and children who were first cousins.  As long as you have a clear cut off and you don't split up families, I think it's okay.  Some people may opt to push back or not come, but as long as you are clear in your invitations and follow-up, what you are suggesting is good etiquette-wise.

egm900

The only thing I have to add is that if a friend is in a relationship by the time invitations go out, you need to invite their SO as well, so you might want to keep that in mind.

RebeccaB88

1. If your Dad is paying, then he gets a say in whether they're invited or not.  If not, then you need to consider any drama that might come from not including them. But if you do not communicate with them, don't see them, and have no relationship with them, I can't see how they'd be offended to not be invited.

2.  Double check with your friends to make sure they are truly single, and then invite them that way.  Keep a few empty spots open in case one of them gets into a relationship before the wedding so you can add them in.

3.  We're only inviting family kids.  You're within your rights to limit that.  Some people may get upset or refuse to come without their kids, but you can stand your ground and not be in the wrong.  They can decline.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6736eb31-64c6-44a7-87e2-a716a77cbf38Post:b7458be0-c12e-4025-b679-11435c17156e">Re: More Guest List ??</a>:
[QUOTE]1. If your dad isn't paying for the wedding you can invite whomever you want. Just be prepared to handle any drama/stife that could arise. 2. If they're truely single, they do not need to be invited with a guest, however if you're able, it's nice to extend them to single wedding party members, and after that, if there's room, to people traveling from out of town / guests that won't know anyone else. 3. Just inviting family children is fine (assuming you handle it the way you've explain: just list who is invited on the invites and no more than that). Be prepared for some write-ins you'll have to call and possible hurt feelings, but you'll be doing nothing wrong if you choose to do this.
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this. OP, I think you're fine!

Sassenach1743

1. My Dad is NOT paying for any part of my wedding. My Mom is contributing and my fiance and I are paying for the bulk of it. My parents are divorced (12 years) and no I don't have relationships with my uncle and aunts from my Dad's side. This is precisely why I don't want to invite them and also because, if I do, it may come across even ruder as if I'm only hoping for a gift (which I don't care about). 

2. The single friends consist of 5 people total. It may not seem like a lot, but double that and I'm adding 10 people to my already tight list. However, I will take this into consideration and try to plan for them to have plus ones. 

I am thinking that if I decide not to invite those family members mentioned above, then I will have room for plus ones for my single friends... 

3. Yes, the kids are only cousins, neices, or nephews of our immediate family. That is the established cut off.

lauraanne9

1. I am inviting these people, as apparently in the family culture of my fiance, they will likely show up anyway.  (This is a whole other issue).  However, in order to have an accurate count for the food, etc. I invited the people who are likely to show up and see our wedding as a family reunion.  So, if that is seen as "gift grabby" it really came down to making sure that I had some sort of way to get an accurate guest count.  If this was not the case, we would not have invited any of these people, as I do no tknow them.

2. We invited singles without guests.  We contacted everyone and requested they verify their address as well as give us the name of their SO.  If they did not have a name of one, we went with a single invite.  As for the "plus 1" it is technically rude to not have the name of the guest on the invite.  So, in my opinion, if the person was not able to give me the name of the person they would be bringing, they are not in a serious relationship.

3. I am not inviting children to the wedding or to the reception.  I am also doing it to keep the numbers down.  My guest list (with the "extra" people his family members are likely to bring) was up to over 300 including children.  Without the children, it was down to 170...which is still about 50 more than I wanted.  We did not say "no children" on the invites.  We are going to put just the names of the invited on the invitations and are aware that we are going to be making some phone calls to people who add guests to the RSVP card.  I am aware that, unfortunately, this may upset some guests, but in order to be able to afford my own wedding, this is necessary.