Contacting potential guests

jesslv74

Is it tacky to contact out-of-state family members (specifically and aunt and a cousin) to find out if they would be able to come to our wedding before we send out invitations? We are not terribly close and though it would be nice to see them, I don't think it makes sense to send out invitations to someone just because they're family members if it's highly unlikely that they'll be coming.

bethsmiles

If you would like them to have the option of coming then you should send them an invitation. If you call ahead I assume it would be before you sent out any invitations so you would be requiring them to make a decision before any of your other guests get an invitation or are asked to RSVP. They may not know thier plans that early. If you don't want to invite them then don't but I think it would be tacky to call ahead to see if you should send an invite.

DanielleD7782

I think its kind of rude. Is it really that big of deal to wait and see if they respond when everyone else does?

lyndausvi

I think it is kind of rude and puts them on the spot.   What if they said yes and then something happend like work or something?  I'm sure you would be annoyed if that happend.  

danieliza1127

I agree that it's kind of off-putting.  I think if you want to invite them, just invite them.

ac_in_dc

No, that's rude.

You can e-mail them in advance to confirm their addresses and let them know about the wedding. You may get a sense from their reply how likely they are to show up, you may not.

Either way, though, you should just invite them and not be surprised how they respond. People's plans change.

jennandnickgetmarried

It's not really tacky, but I'd think it was rude if I got a phone call that essentially goes like:

"So... we were thinking about inviting you to the wedding.  But since we're not really close, we weren't sure we wanted to send you the $7 invitation."

I understand your reasoning, but it could really be taken the wrong way.

Just send them the invitation and hope they say no (if you need the space for other friends and family you're close to).  You'll be surprised who will actually attend your wedding.  So many people we thought wouldn't come actually showed up.  Still don't know why, but they did.

goheels05

I've never really understood this.  Invitations aren't that expensive, and neither are stamps.  I mean, invitations can be expensive, but it's totally a controllable expense, and if sending out a handful to OOT guests is going to break the bank, you're probably spending more than you can afford. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Yes, that's tacky. That's what invitations are FOR.

kkaimala

I don't know... I wouldn't do it. I already knew that my cousin and his wife couldn't come to my wedding, (he's in the Army and can only get two weeks of leave at a time. His wedding is two weeks after mine.) I did send him an invitation anyway. It's nice for them to know that you thought of them, even if you know they can't come. Invitations are expensive, I spent WAY more on mine than I intended, even though I made them by hand. I also know, that postage can be expensive. Mine cost $2 for postage alone... even though my budget is tight, I still sent them an invitation. I guess think of it this way: how would you feel if your cousin was getting married and called you to ask if you could even come before sending you an invitation? I would feel pretty upset. Even if we weren't that close. Taking off the expense of one invitation isn't worth the potential hurt feelings.

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_contacting-potential-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:67420bbe-d292-47e4-8c09-c5e4882a0127Post:8fae0093-7a89-46b8-91fe-7545f0baf644">Re: Contacting potential guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all for your responses...you make very good points. I totally agree and felt VERY uncomfortable about the idea of calling in the first place. I'm not worried about invitation costs at all and I think I worded everything wrong...it was more of a guest list problem.. Anyway, I definitely WON'T be calling and it was ridiculous to even consider it in the first place. I honeslty feel embarrassed about posting this question.
Posted by jesslv74[/QUOTE]

Oh gosh, don't be embarassed!  It wasn't a ridiculous question - people answered it seriously and you took their good advice to heart, so good on you.  It's a lot worse, imo, to NOT post and risk doing something rude or hurtful.  Please don't feel bad.