Thank you for the shower - am I wrong?

emeejeeayen

My mom's friend threw us a shower this past Saturday. As some of you know, the process was alarmingly complicated and nearly drove me and my mom insane. Regardless of the hellish process, we enjoyed seeing our friends and family while we were home, especially since my FI's parents flew in from NY for it. We continually thanked the hostess and her husband for the shower throughout the night. I'm talking literally probably 50 times.

We flew in only a few hours before the shower, had been up since 1am California time when the shower ended around 9pm, and we spent the next 2 days driving 1.5 hours back and forth between my mom's house and the venue location with my FI's parents for tastings, florist meetings, etc. We literally hadn't been at my mom's house for longer than an hour since we arrived on Saturday except to sleep. It was a whirlwind. 

The hostess and her husband were supposed to attend these activities with us, but the hostess turned out to have a fever the entire duration of the shower (thanks for that - stoked to get the flu), and so they didn't attend, which is fine, but they knew how grueling the schedule was since FI and I were in CA for 3 effing days. 

Now she's put up some snarky effing facebook status saying that A THANK YOU ISN'T TOO MUCH TO ASK! 

I was planning to send a small gift this week as a thank you since I had said thank you so many effing times during the shower. Not to mention my mother practically catered the entire thing, so I was thinking even that was overkill. Probably just a nice note would suffice. But now it's like - was I supposed to be showering them with thank yous for the duration of our very short trip to CA? I have half a mind to comment on her snarky facebook status and say, "Thanks again for the shower. We had a lovely time." and leave it at that. 

Did I do something wrong?

emeejeeayen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-you-for-the-shower-am-i-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:674a2634-14bf-4d38-b447-4eddf175540bPost:187e419c-4959-4a97-ad36-7273c7a6a51e">Re: Thank you for the shower - am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just send the gift and card, and ignore the fb status. Maybe it isn't related to you.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

<div>No it is. She's been bad mouthing us to my aunt since Sunday for not waking up at dawn to call and thank her again. My aunt just called us. </div>

gnc0988

Don't do that. I got chewed out by a friend yesterday because she assumed ny status was about her. When I explained it had nothing to so with her, anyone she knows or anyone on my facebook she felt really dumb. She sat there red in the face, apologizing profusely and blaming her PMS for her ridiculous assumption. Vague fb statuses can be about anyone....or no one. Only people with guilty consciences feel the need to comment. Send her a thank you card and small gift like you had planned. If she WAS talking about you, she.will feel dumb once she gets your note and gift. Ans if she doesn't...so what?

GoodLuckBear14

"Having caught the flu from you at the shower, I can understand how you have forgotten the many thanks we gave you.  I know that my memory got a little jumbled up with the flu.  I was planning on sending a small thank you gift, please let me know if you would still like this."

Then again, I may not be the best person to give advice here.  I'd be too furious to handle this graciously.

Jen4948

If you repeatedly said "thank you" to the hostess at the shower, you're fine.  She's wrong.

I'd ignore her Facebook status.  Maybe her being sick has made her short-tempered and that's why she wrote it (doesn't excuse it, just may explain it).

emeejeeayen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-you-for-the-shower-am-i-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:674a2634-14bf-4d38-b447-4eddf175540bPost:ec4b14ce-936a-4907-9429-249e6d2fbf11">Re: Thank you for the shower - am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thank you for the shower - am I wrong? : Ok, so it is about you, but ignore it anyway, and send the TY note and gift. Your aunt sounds meddlesome.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

<div>She's not given the opportunity to be meddlesome very often, but it's apparent that whenever she is given that chance, she jumps on it. </div><div>
</div><div>My poor mother. Ha.</div>

gnc0988

Yeah, don't entertain drama filled.people. the less you do, the less drama they will bringing you. They love that hot mess

Vandelay007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-you-for-the-shower-am-i-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:674a2634-14bf-4d38-b447-4eddf175540bPost:7157e07e-a00a-4f67-bd31-8661ee5c871d">Re: Thank you for the shower - am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't do that. I got chewed out by a friend yesterday because she assumed ny status was about her. When I explained it had nothing to so with her, anyone she knows or anyone on my facebook she felt really dumb. She sat there red in the face, apologizing profusely and blaming her PMS for her ridiculous assumption. Vague fb statuses can be about anyone....or no one. Only people with guilty consciences feel the need to comment. Send her a thank you card and small gift like you had planned. If she WAS talking about you, she.will feel dumb once she gets your note and gift. Ans if she doesn't...so what?
Posted by gnc0988[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm sorry... I have to ask... WHY do you put vague facebook statuses? It's soooo cowardly. Instead, have you ever tried just talking to the person in private rather than hanging your dirty laundry for everyone to see? You only have yourself to blame for upsetting your friend. You're the one that should be embaressed. I wouldn't even be surprised is it WAS about her, and when confronted about the issue without your computer, you back tracked telling her it wasn't about her and how dare she assume. It's so typical of you vague facebook status posters.</div><div>
</div><div>To the OP: You're not stupid, you know it's about you. Obviously she only threw the shower for you because she wanted huge recognition and praise for it. You have a few options, you can call her out. But, like the above poster did with her friend, she'll probably just say it's not about you and then there will come another vague post about "people who think every thing is about them". After all, that's why these people do vague posts. They're not willing to discuss their issue with you like a human, so making it vague allows them to indirectly tell you how they feel, but gives them an out when confronted. Your other option is to completely ignore it, and kill her with kindness. DO send her a thank you note AND a gift. Tell her in the note that even though you thanked her a billion times at the shower, you wanted to also thank her with a gift for her kindness. Send it right away so that she knows you planned all along, even before her vague status, to send her a gift. She'll feel real stupid. </div>

MayberryAfterMidnight

Ugh, I also hate vague, passive-aggressive facebook statuses. Then again, I only use facebook to comment on celebrity gossip and post pictures of my cats, so I'm probably not the best person to ask. But to OP (and to echo PP) - send the gift and a thank-you note and thank her in person the next time you see her or speak to her. Do not reference the stupid facebook post at all. The best you can do is not dignify it with a response - you will end up looking like the bigger person out of this! (And fingers crossed you don't get sick...)

TheBaysideBride

Maybe she's not looking for a thank you for you, but from your Mom? or soemone else? So odd, but I agree w/ the others, just send the gift, be gracious and move on.

gnc0988

Lol it wasn't a status about anyone, it was just a general statement that someone felt applied to them. Which is why I was confused because it didn't apply to her at all and I didn't understand why she felt it did. Trust me, I have no problem directly addressing the issue with the person. This particular status wasn't about anyone specific in mind, more about a general annoyance of specific groups of people.which she doesnt fit into at all, or we wouldnt be good friends She thought she fit the bill, that's why she was mad. Once I fully explained what I meant, she felt silly for assuming I was directing it at her. Trust me, if she had done something to bother me, I wouldn't make a vague status, or even address it with her if its not that big of a deal. I don't have a problem letting things go. If she had done something REALLY bothered me, I'd say something about it if I felt it was that serious. And she knows that...that's why I was confused why she assumed all of a sudden I would start making vague statuses about her. Mind you, I haven't spoke to her in awhile, even more of a reason it was weird to assume all of a sudden I'd be talking about her. And I didn't say anything like "how dare you assume". I laughed at her and told her to calm down, which she did. This happens to me all the time, I say something controversial, someone feels like the shoe fits and gets upset at me. It doesnt hurt my feelings. Now if I said something incredibly specific, I could understand.... Like "I really hate when chicks who drive z car who are married to guys named bob and who work at xyz employer do xyz"... But a general observation like "I hate xyz cars"? That's a bit much to get so bent out of shape about. And why are you so upset? Has someone made vague statuses that you felt applied to you? Relax. It's facebook.

PrettyGirlLost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-you-for-the-shower-am-i-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:674a2634-14bf-4d38-b447-4eddf175540bPost:febb1900-04b3-4158-907a-bcb14a31b32e">Re: Thank you for the shower - am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh, I also hate vague, passive-aggressive facebook statuses. Then again, I only use facebook to comment on celebrity gossip and post pictures of my cats. . . .[/QUOTE]

I am that crazy cat lady too.  Feline power!

TKzilla

I'm going to go with "be the bigger person and ignore her b!tchy fb status even though inside I'd probably want to leave a series of snarky comments and wall posts and tag her in my own b!tchy status".

But that's just me

Vandelay007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-you-for-the-shower-am-i-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:674a2634-14bf-4d38-b447-4eddf175540bPost:67d72d22-b64a-4f6a-b2dc-76a575b22281">Re:Thank you for the shower am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Lol it wasn't a status about anyone, it was just a general statement that someone felt applied to them. Which is why I was confused because it didn't apply to her at all and I didn't understand why she felt it did. Trust me, I have no problem directly addressing the issue with the person. This particular status wasn't about anyone specific in mind, more about a general annoyance of specific groups of people.which she doesnt fit into at all, or we wouldnt be good friends She thought she fit the bill, that's why she was mad. Once I fully explained what I meant, she felt silly for assuming I was directing it at her. Trust me, if she had done something to bother me, I wouldn't make a vague status, or even address it with her if its not that big of a deal. I don't have a problem letting things go. If she had done something REALLY bothered me, I'd say something about it if I felt it was that serious. And she knows that...that's why I was confused why she assumed all of a sudden I would start making vague statuses about her. Mind you, I haven't spoke to her in awhile, even more of a reason it was weird to assume all of a sudden I'd be talking about her. And I didn't say anything like "how dare you assume". I laughed at her and told her to calm down, which she did. This happens to me all the time, I say something controversial, someone feels like the shoe fits and gets upset at me. It doesnt hurt my feelings. Now if I said something incredibly specific, I could understand.... Like "I really hate when chicks who drive z car who are married to guys named bob and who work at xyz employer do xyz"... But a general observation like "I hate xyz cars"? That's a bit much to get so bent out of shape about. And why are you so upset? Has someone made vague statuses that you felt applied to you? Relax. It's facebook.
Posted by gnc0988[/QUOTE]

<div>Not sure if you're just doing more back tracking there, or if that's truthfully how your vaguebooking intentions went down. I don't know, nor do I care. You're not on my friends list so I don't have to worry about seeing your annoying, purposely vague, attention fishing posts.</div><div>
</div><div>To answer your question... as far as I'm aware, I've never been the target to a vague facebook post. It's just a pet peeve of mine. It's always by the same few people who seem to have a new drama every day. And apparentely they MUST report that drama to facebook immedietely, otherwise, their heads will explode. So lame.</div>