Can I still do a bridal shower?

dmbores

My FI and I are planning a small wedding with just immediate family and a few close friends.  We are having the wedding a few hours north away from everybody we know so I guess you could kind of consider it a destination wedding.  We are doing this for budget reasons and decided that in a year or two we'd have a big anniversary celebration with everybody.  My question is, is it still okay to have a bridal shower with people who aren't invited to the wedding (like close friends of my moms and other relatives)? 

danieliza1127

No, it's not proper etiquette to invite anyone to a pre-wedding party like a shower if they won't be invited to the wedding.  Also, you wouldn't host your own shower anyway, someone needs to offer one.

Now if someone does offer to throw you a shower, and you make it very clear that no one can be invited to the wedding, and they all say they are okay with that and really want you to have this shower, I think you can use your best judgment there.  But in your situation, I wouldn't ask for or expect a shower.

dmbores

Well the reason I ask is because my sister was hoping to throw me a shower. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67709787-1f75-4235-8f5b-087fb003c2cfPost:ffb0d4e5-fc39-4594-8227-ecf62c152d7f">Re: Can I still do a bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well the reason I ask is because my sister was hoping to throw me a shower. 
Posted by dmbores[/QUOTE]

Well, she can have one with people who are invited to the wedding. But this is one of those things that most people give up when they choose to have a very small wedding.

banana468

Ditto msmery.  When you decide not to invite people to your wedding, you also are OK with not having them at the shower.

It's really rude to do otherwise.

balasj

Agreed with everyone else.  It is inappropriate to invite people to a shower and then not the wedding.  Even if you plan to throw another gathering later its still awkward that they will receive a shower invite that is not followed shortly by a weding invitation.  The only exception I can see to the "shower guests must be wedding guests" rule is young childern if you are not having them at the wedding because you are doing adults only but are OK with them attending the more casual shower. 

jandjleader

My future mother in law disagrred with me on this... She says she has been invited to showers but not the wedding and is even ok with it as she then got the chance to celebrate that person getting married.

She mentioned that when I brought up you don't invite people who arn't invited to the shower...

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:67709787-1f75-4235-8f5b-087fb003c2cfPost:bdfdcdd4-2844-44c2-bf42-fe3f020c23e5">Re: Can I still do a bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]My future mother in law disagrred with me on this... She says she has been invited to showers but not the wedding and is even ok with it as she then got the chance to celebrate that person getting married. She mentioned that when I brought up you don't invite people who arn't invited to the shower...
Posted by jandjleader[/QUOTE]

Just because this happened to your FMIL doesn't make it okay.

SparrowSong

No

banana468

FMIL is incorrect.