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Children's vows are creeeeeeepy!

ohwhynotohwhynot member
2500 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Doing some research on different options for including children in the ceremony:  sand, medallions, yada yada yada.  Apparently, some people think it's appropriate to have the CHILDREN make vows to the adults: vows to support the marriage, love the stepparent and behave, or something like that.

First, my kids can't even vow to brush their teeth every day.  Second, what the f*ck kind of idea is that?  Asking your kids to vow to support the marriage and love the stepparent?  As if they have a choice as to whether their parent remarries?  How can a kid even vow to love another person - it's a completely adult concept and marital vows are between two adults, not between two adults and a child.  Creepy.  And totally inappropriate, imo. 

What do y'all think?
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Re: Children's vows are creeeeeeepy!

  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Yes, very creepy.  I say this every time someone comes on here and suggests doing it.
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    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • SwedishChick2011SwedishChick2011
    2500 Comments
    Yeah, that's totally stupid and weird. 
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  • georgia_bride09georgia_bride09 member
    5000 Comments
    Yeah, I think it's a little weird. When my mom married my stepdad when I was four, I just stood and looked pretty; I wasn't involved in the ceremony.

    That's akin to rolling the flower girl/ring bearer down the aisle in a wagon. If they can't walk, they should just sit with grandma in a pew.
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Yeah I agree that it's kind of weird.  The wedding ceremony is between the two people getting married.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I agree, it's creepy to me also.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • sarabellamsarabellam member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I don't think you will find much dissent on this topic here. My daughters, ages 7 and 10 at the time, stood there and looked pretty for me.
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Yeah. The vows don't mean anything legally - the kids aren't consenting adults. And frankly, most are probably kind of divided about getting a new stepparent. I had met my stepfather exactly once before he and my mom married (granted, I was an adult and lived out of state). I didn't feel anything towards him in particular.
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  • ohwhynotohwhynot member
    2500 Comments
    Yeah, somehow "I vow to be ambivalent about this whole thing" doesn't quite capture the moment for the couple, I guess.

    Glad to read that my views are shared on this topic.   I almost couldn't believe it when the idea kept popping up on various websites. 
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  • baby green birdbaby green bird
    100 Comments
    yes, the very idea of this has always given me the heeby geebys.
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  • britne28britne28
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_childrens-vows-creeeeeeepy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:67fba99d-cf7f-414a-b4e4-f097ab6a48faPost:1f5f7f85-58c6-413d-8bcd-fbc931138142">Re: Children's vows are creeeeeeepy!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had a friend who had a 4 year-old. She started having an affair and decided to divorce her H.  The day she told the 4 year-old she introduced the b/f and told the 4 year-old:  Your dad and I are getting a divorce, this is xxx. We're getting married and he'll be your new daddy and you are to call him Daddy.  Exactly like that.  She also figured the real daddy would fade out of site after the divorce. Boy was she wrong. He stayed in his daughter's life and is still in it (she's 23 now). I can't even imagine.. this is xxx, we're getting married and your to call him daddy all in one conversation to a 4 year-old. YES - this kid did have problems growing up. Maybe she would have had them anyway but she got in to drugs, lots of really bad behavior and legal issues, mental breakdown ...  You have to wonder if what happened when she was 4 contributed.
    Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

    Holy crap!!  Talk about what not to do as a parent.  Is she still married to xxx?
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