Wedding Etiquette Forum

Pushy or OK?

We are having an "adults only" reception except for the 4 children in the bridal party (my FI and I's nieces and nephew). The reception is a cocktail party, which I don't believe is really a place for kids anyway. I gave all single adults a +1, except for a cousin who is in college/ lives at home and does not have a boyfriend and her brother who is in highschool. I invited the highschool aged cousin even though he is not technically an adult because he is nearly 18 and I wanted him included. I got the response card back and the college-aged cousin is not attending because she is away for the summer, however, my aunt and uncle wrote in a "date" for my highschool aged cousin. I will probably let it fly, but I am still annoyed at this and feel it was pushy and out of line for them to do so. Am I being unreasonable?

Re: Pushy or OK?

  • I think they overstepped by doing that, and you would be within your rights to call and say that the invitation was only for him, but you did have a spot reserved for his sister so it wouldn't kill you to let him bring a date.  I do think it's ridiculous for a high schooler to need a date to a family wedding, though.
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  • Although, people may disagree with me...
    If the cousin is almost 18 & is in a relationship (not just a guest, but a SO) then you should have invited the SO from the beginning.

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  • I agree that if it was a serious relationship I would have included the date, however, I have never met the GF, never seen her at other family functions, so I am assuming it is not overly serious.
  • Plus I don't recall ever being able to bring a date to a family wedding when I was a teenager....just doesn't seem appropriate to me...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pushy-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:68351174-180f-47c8-943f-76683d68ab4bPost:6eb31da6-12ba-490c-8d5d-8182aa502dc5">Re: Pushy or OK?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree that if it was a serious relationship I would have included the date, however, I have never met the GF, never seen her at other family functions, so I am assuming it is not overly serious.
    Posted by MichelleAve[/QUOTE]

    Oh ok. But I think I would let it slide, just incase it is serious (and she just wasn't able to attend other functions).

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  • My brother was 18 when I got married and I invited his girlfriend, but only because he's my brother. I don't think I would have invited a cousin's SO if he or she was still in high school.

  • i have a 2nd cousin who is almost 15....while the invite will just be for her....i am almost certain her mother will use her "guest" to let her daughter have a friend.....it happens at almost family event...and honestly the poor kid is the youngest out of that group.

    if you already planned a spot for his sister and she can't make it, i don't see a problem with him bringing his gf.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pushy-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68351174-180f-47c8-943f-76683d68ab4bPost:307213a1-665b-4933-8498-51f4b7886c50">Re: Pushy or OK?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My brother was 18 when I got married and I invited his girlfriend, but only because he's my brother. I don't think I would have invited a cousin's SO if he or she was still in high school.
    Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this.  Maybe the age-18 cutoff is a bit arbitrary, but I probably wouldn't invite high-school-age kids with a date unless I knew the date pretty well.
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  • I think if it's just the one cousin's date you should be alright, and if it is something serious then this might be a good opportunity for her to meet the family.

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  • Thanks for all the advice everyone, I think because that end of the family is notoriously pushy it just rubbed me the wrong way, but I feel a lot better about it now :)


  • Pushy for sure.. But my family can be the same way.. I would let it slide since you have the room now.. And if I was in high school I would feel better about going knowing that I could bring someone with me.. You know how high scool kids can be.. And they probably figured the same thing since the other daughter wasnt coming
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  • It's definitely pushy to have just added a date to the response card; would have been somewhat more acceptable to my mind if they'd called to ask.

    I wouldn't invite a high school kid with a date (long-term gf or not), but it sounds like he might be the only person around his age that's attending (do I have that right?) so I could see why he might want company. Still, the parents definitely could have handled this better.
  • He needs someone else to play tic-tac-toe with since he can't drink. Don't sweat it. 
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  • Well, I never would have brought a date to a wedding as a teenager (I biitched about finding a date for prom, it seemed I couldn't get a date when I NEEDED a date, so why go through the hassel), but you do have room. Also, I don't get how no kids factor into this. I'm assuming the date will be around the same age as high school cousin, so practically an adult anyway. My cousin's son was at my wedding and while he was technically, barely, under 18, I really didn't count him in with the 14 month old and 3 year old who were there, and who didn't order real meals, you know?
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  • welcome to the era of kids needing constant stimulation/entertainment.

    tehre are some things in life that you have to sit thru.  you may  be bored, you might not be entertained, you might not find it the least bit enjoyable.

    letting kids bring friends along to occupy them doesnt teach them these valuable skills and life lessons.
  • Its pushy and presumptuous. At a minimum, they should have called you and asked before sending in the RSVP card. That said, I wouldn't spend too much time stressing about it. Its a little thing and not worth the battle (especially since his sister not attending leaves a space). My advice is to leave it be and move forward as if the date was invited all along.
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