Wedding Annoucements - Poll

AshJohnson30

How would you feel if you received a wedding annoucement with a ceremony pic of the bride & groom?

FI and I wanted to do something nice for those we couldn't invite but it was suggested on another board it may come off wrong. Just interested in everyone's view and there's a poll! :-)

DramaGeek

Ditto Duds.  In the case of an elopement they make sense, especially before the days of internet.  Now?  They're kind of gift-grabby and rub me wrong.

MyNameIsNot

I find an announcement to be in poor taste unless it's a tiny wedding or elopement anyway.  "You didn't make the guest list" announcements rub me the wrong way.  

AshJohnson30

My mom and FMIL are pretty particular about us sending them especially to older relatives as a keepsake. We aren't asking for gifts with them and don't expect any. Duds - it was suggested we use a non pro pic which could work cause one of the GM's has a pretty nice pro camera

jennipea382

I'm so glad you asked this because I was interested in seeing the responses. My mom just added a TON of people to my guest list who she insists won't come (I'm 99% sure they won't either, they are cousins of my parents who I maybe see once or twice every 10 years or something.. luckily it's still within what we can do because we will plan as if 100% are coming!). Her solution to this was to just send these people announcements. I get the idea, but I kept explaining to her that the way I see it, it's saying "hey look, we got married and you weren't invited!" I'd be totally fine sending them some photos if they want though. The only "appropriate" time for an announcement like that IMO is an elopement. Just my thoughts though.

Or, another thought.. I've had some friends use wedding photos for their Christmas cards that year. I'd find that more acceptable. That way you're not just announcing the wedding. Just an idea!

AshJohnson30

I do like the idea of including a photo in a Christmas card, I think we may get push back from our mothers. I never thought about annoucements that much I just assumed it would be a good gesture. Duds - my plan would be to have everything addressed and ready, then have someone in charge of the photo aspect and mailing them. Crfb - thanks for clarifying I was curious how that would work

DramaGeek

If older relatives want a keepsake of the wedding, that indicates that they are close enough to you to have been invited.  If they weren't invited, why would they want a keepsake?

I am so confused.

AshJohnson30

There are several older relatives on both sides that we aren't that close to, distant cousins we've never met etc. Also there are some older people that belong to FIs church that would want something as well.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-annoucements-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:683faacb-7e52-4856-adde-977bfff2a7e8Post:5c33959d-1f5b-48c5-a4e9-dcaae3cf7282">Re: Wedding Annoucements - Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Annoucements - Poll : I can honestly not figure out why someone that I know who I'm not that close to might want a keepsake from my wedding.  I don't even keep keepsakes from people's weddings who I am close to. I think I would just do Christmas/holiday/whatever cards and do a few photos from your wedding.  Done and done.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

<div>This, 100%.</div>

AshJohnson30

Different families I guess? Idk. I feel the same way as you guys with what I would do with a distant relatives annoucement/picture but the people we are considering sending them to would love it. Maybe because they are older and like to know what's going on no matter how distant? *shrugs* It was interesting to get everyone's feedback though. I will be discussing with FI to see what he thinks and then we'll prob be suggesting the Christmas card idea to both moms. What 4 people actually liked the idea? Lol why'd you like it?

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-annoucements-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:683faacb-7e52-4856-adde-977bfff2a7e8Post:624bbba2-9e6c-4583-9fad-4e01d44f56c2">Re: Wedding Annoucements - Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]Different families I guess? Idk. I feel the same way as you guys with what I would do with a distant relatives annoucement/picture <strong>but the people we are considering sending them to would love it.</strong> Maybe because they are older and like to know what's going on no matter how distant? *shrugs* It was interesting to get everyone's feedback though. I will be discussing with FI to see what he thinks and then we'll prob be suggesting the Christmas card idea to both moms. What 4 people actually liked the idea? Lol why'd you like it?
Posted by AshJohnson30[/QUOTE]

<div>If they are so distant that they aren't close enough to get an invitation, how do you know them well enough to know what they would love?  </div>

AshJohnson30

On my side of the family my mom does genealogy, we have always sent pics to relatives she's been in contact with and they call or email when they receive them. These aren't people I talk to but my mom keeps in touch. On FI's side, he grew up at his church and although he's not close to a lot of the people they would like a keepsake from what his mom has said I didn't think that part would cause so much confusion so I didn't go into too much detail. Like I said I would prob throw it away but I doubt they would.

Kate61487

If your moms want to send something sooner than a Christmas card THEY could actually write their relatives letters/notes and include photos.  I assume your mothers know these people well enough to write a letter b/c if you don't know them AND they really don't know them then.. oi

A printed announcement just seems so mass produced and callous.  Even if you only send three the format makes it seem like you could have sent 100.  I think that's part of the reason it seems like a gift grab, because it says "you weren't good enough to be invited, OR for us to actually write you a personal note"

AshJohnson30

Kate - I like the idea of having them write a note. We felt like its our wedding so we should be handling it but our mother's are the ones with a relationship so it may make more sense. Christmas cards will be suggested first then this

starrynight84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-annoucements-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:683faacb-7e52-4856-adde-977bfff2a7e8Post:6f5e54b2-793a-44ed-9ce8-517e01f8883c">Re: Wedding Annoucements - Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]Sending printed wedding announcements to people is no different than having your announcement printed in the newspaper.  It is NOT gift grabby, because wedding announcements do NOT mean that you should send a gift.  It is perfectly fine to send them to people who were not invited to the wedding.  It is just a more personal way of letting them know you are married. I don't think the picture really matters.  Some people would like seeing it.  Annoucements should be sent out soon after the wedding, but they do not have to be sent out that very day.  The important thing is that they are not sent out too early, like before the wedding!
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div> I agree that announcements technically are acceptable. However, I still view them as gift-grabby. </div><div>
</div><div>If you truly want to tell someone about your new marriage, I think you should call them or write them a personal letter.  That seems much more intimate and sincere to me.</div><div>
</div>

DramaGeek

Yes, it is technically acceptable.  It still feels a little in-your-face, though.

If the mothers won't got for Christmas cards, I think I'd let them know that THEY are welcome to send a photo and card informing their friend/relative of the wedding, but that YOU won't be doing it.

Calypso1977

announcement is fine, but as others said, tehy are usually mailed on the way to the ceremony or the next day.  they are not meant to be mailed weeks after when youd have some pictures.

hoffse

I would just make sure your mom is clear about which relatives will view them the way CMGr does and which relatives won't.  I know that my mother has sent wedding and baby gifts to every couple who has ever sent an announcement of one sort of another to our house - she's spent a fortune at Carter's over the years for children she's never met because she feels obligated.  That said, she feels less annoyed in sending baby gifts than sending wedding gifts because it's not like people get invited to the birth or anything, the way they get invited to the wedding... and baby announcements are still super common.

I like the personal note idea because it doesn't have to be done the day of or day after, and it's not as formal as saying "we were married on this date at this location."  If your relatives are anything like my mom, she would immediately jump online and start looking for your registry and then would biiitch about it to me and my dad.

julibug86

Totally agree with the personal note idea.  And, OP, I understand having elderly relatives you aren't close with, yet they would want (and will display!) a picture of you!  My grandmother is from Germany and frequently sends pictures of all of us over to her sister and niece (both in Germany) and my grandfather's sister (in Latvia).  These women are all in their 70's and 80's and in return send pictures back to my grandmother.  It sounds a little nuts, but it makes them all happy and who am I to deny their happiness? 

Anyway, my plan is that after I get my professional pictures back, I will have some extras printed (I plan to have one of me and FI with my grandmother and her boyfriend) and ask my grandmother if she wants me to send them or if she wants to do it.  Either way, I know it's expected that I send these people pictures! 

As for our non-elderly, American based family members that just can't make it, I do plan to use a picture for the Christmas card. 

ceceibson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-annoucements-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:683faacb-7e52-4856-adde-977bfff2a7e8Post:1fd4eb02-d3eb-4c1e-977e-6809b4a65f56">Re: Wedding Annoucements - Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]Wedding announcements should be sent  after the ceremony as in the same day or next day.  You won't have pics by then. I think announcements are pointless and look gift grabby.  People will eventually find out you got married by word of mouth and things like FB.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree.  </div>