HELP, My new Mother-in-law wants to send thank you notes out in addition to mine for OUR gifts!

RedWake

Ok, my new mother in law was very un-pleasant and needy two weeks before the wedding because she was moving and we didn't help! HELLO! We had so much to do to get ready for the wedding and had our own guests staying with us. She got mad and didn't speak to us til the rehearsal dinner (btw, she lives about 15 miles away). Everything goes pretty well at the wedding, except, she wears something mildly inappropriate to the wedding (which was at a nice hotel in Houston with over 250 people.) Her dress was backless and VERY low cut, like no bra low cut....

So, then, 2 days after the wedding she emails me saying she would like a list of all the gifts we received so she can send them notes for OUR gifts. I told her I was sending notes! And in most situations, already had send them out when I received the gift. She said she would still like to thank them and needed to know what they gave us. On Mother's Day she asked me again about if I had done the list for her. Then she called my husband today asking about what WE received. And she has emailed me again....

I'm sorry, but isn't it our place not hers to send notes. And, we are enough of adults (I'm 27 and my husband is 35!) to be able to adequately thank our gift givers??? Is this at all a tradition? Should I tell my mom she needs to thank people for gifts that aren't hers! 

I feel like my toes are getting stepped on too much and we have only been married for 19 days.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_new-mother-law-wants-send-thank-notes-out-addition-mine-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68e47589-0914-4457-9b10-dd638a18b372Post:f968857b-b7ce-48ff-97c1-cfb05efcbe9d">HELP, My new Mother-in-law wants to send thank you notes out in addition to mine for OUR gifts!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, my new mother in law was very un-pleasant and needy two weeks before the wedding because she was moving and we didn't help! HELLO! We had so much to do to get ready for the wedding and had our own guests staying with us. She got mad and didn't speak to us til the rehearsal dinner (btw, she lives about 15 miles away). Everything goes pretty well at the wedding, except, she wears something mildly inappropriate to the wedding (which was at a nice hotel in Houston with over 250 people.) Her dress was backless and VERY low cut, like no bra low cut.... So, then, 2 days after the wedding she emails me saying she would like a list of all the gifts we received so she can send them notes for OUR gifts. I told her I was sending notes! And in most situations, already had send them out when I received the gift. She said she would still like to thank them and needed to know what they gave us. On Mother's Day she asked me again about if I had done the list for her. Then she called my husband today asking about what WE received. And she has emailed me again.... I'm sorry, but isn't it our place not hers to send notes. And, we are enough of adults (I'm 27 and my husband is 35!) to be able to adequately thank our gift givers??? Is this at all a tradition? Should I tell my mom she needs to thank people for gifts that aren't hers!  I feel like my toes are getting stepped on too much and we have only been married for 19 days.
Posted by RedWake[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I have never heard of parents sending TY notes for their children's weddings.  I really don't think it's the parents business what gifts the B&G got, and I would find it ridiculously strange if I got one.

</div>

specialk84

I would not give her the list.  There is no reason for her to know what you were given.  As a guest, I would be uncomfortable if I received a TY from your mom.  I would wonder who else knew what I bought you.  It's not top secret or anything, but I would probably think you were all sitting around comparing gifts, and I wouldn't want to be judged.

Also, if FMIL knew we got something particularly awesome, she might be tempted to "borrow" the gift without asking.

mica178

My mother wanted to know what her friends gave me.  I did not give her a list or give specifics (well, she could see a lot of the stuff herself, but there's a difference!).  I think it's weird that your MIL wants to write thank you notes on top of your notes, and I don't think it's appropriate.

kyurcek

I'm kind of a guarded person, so telling others what I got from each guest does not seem like something I'd feel comfortable doing.  Nor does it seem like anybody else's business.  If she keeps insisting on sending out TYs, tell her she can send out generic "Thank you for coming to ____&____'s wedding, we loved seeing and celebrating with you" but you will take care of the specifics.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_new-mother-law-wants-send-thank-notes-out-addition-mine-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68e47589-0914-4457-9b10-dd638a18b372Post:86338674-71f7-4607-be4b-79db04ea4744">Re: HELP, My new Mother-in-law wants to send thank you notes out in addition to mine for OUR gifts!</a>:
[QUOTE]I would not give her the list.  There is no reason for her to know what you were given.  As a guest, I would be uncomfortable if I received a TY from your mom.  I would wonder who else knew what I bought you.  It's not top secret or anything, but I would probably think you were all sitting around comparing gifts, and I wouldn't want to be judged. Also, if FMIL knew we got something particularly awesome, she might be tempted to "borrow" the gift without asking.
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

This exactly.  If I got a TY from someone other than the bride or goorm, it would make me feel like you got together with them and compared gifts and who spent the most money, etc. 

I would have your H deal with her and be very blunt and say "No, we are not giving you a list of what we got, we are more than capable of doing our own thank you notes"

SirJuliusVonHaast

I agree with PPs. You need to speak with your H and make sure that you are on the same page about not sharing this information with her -- it could be pretty embarrassing for you if she sends these notes. 

JanoBean75

That's really strange. Is she asking you about any monetary gifts you received too? I wouldn't give her a list. Let your husband tell her it's not happening.