An Update

smileye90

I haven't posted in awhile.  Because 

This:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-know-its-not-my-day-but

+

This:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-deal-with-a-crazy-bride

=

Time to take a step back

I did want to give an update.  For people who were interested and for any brides who are having bridesmaid difficulties and want to hear of something that resolved it well.  

First of all, we found out that we don't think it was such a coincidence.  I had told a friend how I found this message board on The Knot and they gave really great advice and I posted occasionally.  Apparently Sara was venting about the situation to this friend who said that there were wedding message boards on a site called The Knot that she could get suggestions from. (her whole bit about non mutual friends was made up) We don't know for sure that it was actually orchestrated because I didn't tell my friend about my post specifically, but who knows.  

Sara wasn't going to say anything actually, she had just stopped responding to e-mails and calls.  She tells me now that her original plan was to let things cool down for a week or so and then begrudgringly agree to accept the money.  When I came back to see if there were any more responses to my post, I saw the link to her post and sent her an e-mail saying that I saw it and wanted to talk about it. 

We got together and both realized that having her as a bridesmaid was a bad idea.  I know from the post it sounds like we hate each other and there's no reason we're friends, but we have quite a history and have really been through a lot together.  I wanted her by my side.  At the end of the day, she just didn't like anything involved in an expensive wedding. She believes in our marriage but thinks of the wedding as a bit absurd.  But that's how she is about all weddings.  She's going to come as a guest and do a reading at the ceremony that FI, myself and her all agree is meaningful.  

Our friendship has gone back on track.  It took a lot of hard conversations but I encourage anyone who is having bridesmaid problems to have a serious heart to heart with them as a friend.  Listen to their needs, let them listen to yours, and make a decision that works for the both of you together.  

andrea2473

I'm glad you got it figured out.  For the record, I do think your friend is oddly judgmental about weddings, but whatever.  As long as it doesn't bother you then I guess it's no big deal. 

lstruggles

Glad to see you got things resolved.  It's a shame that all that came about because of a dress budget, but its obvious that your friend is just not into weddings and the expense that comes with being a bm. 

brilibby4

Glad to see you worked everything out!

mfowler4

I am glad yall worked things out. I love the idea of still including her in the ceremony. Best of luck to you all

Ali092011

I think it's kinda weird that she couldn't set aside her negative feelings towards weddings for one day to stand up beside you. However, it sounds like you two have worked through it, and I think that's fantastic. It sounds like your friendship is important to you both.

rsaleh84

WOW!  What a freakin' mess that was!  Glad to see things worked out, but still, that was a headache just reading it!  I hope your wedding goes very smoothly and that she does not try to pull anything else like this again!

Habs2Hart

Wow, I am impressed that after all that, you guys can put it behind you.  I truly hope it doesn't effect your friendship going forward and you have a great wedding.  I still think she's crazy pants and judgy, but whatevs.  You are a good person.

[Deleted User]

I'm glad it worked out. Though I do think that your friend is batshit crazy. I don't think you did anything wrong, for the record. But she's nuts.

aragx6

Thanks for the update!

smileye90

Actually the point you guys make about not understanding why she can't put aside her feelings about weddings for a day is what I had thought, and kind of how this whole mess got started.  I assumed since we had been friends for so long she could do that.  I knew she wasn't exactly a "OMG WEDDINGS" type of girl, but I never really asked her if she felt comfortable with being a bridesmaid.  

I did tell her in our conversations that I thought she could put aside her feelings for a day, and she made the point that she didn't understand why I would expect her to change her entire personality for a day just because of my wedding.  Which I think, while maybe not the strongest argument, still makes a good point.  Our friendship is more important than her being a bridesmaid anyway.  

She also isn't quite as crazy as she appeared on the post! While she is indeed judgey about weddings she is one of those people that is a pretty strong hyperbole of their personality once they get behind a computer.  This is not the first message board she's brought drama to!