Wedding Etiquette Forum
«1

Re: .

  • Yes it would be rude.

    She is an adult, she knows whether she can afford it and her doctor should be the one to advise her whether travel is safe or not.

    Also, you might be worrying for nothing.  Just because she is trying now does not mean that she will be pregnant for your wedding.

    I think it was rude for you to "confront" her as well.  It's her uterus and you have no say in what goes on in there.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pregnant-bridesmaid-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a3fb995-ffdf-4cb6-b20d-37a26892f762Post:ea2b124a-d4f1-4553-9dff-dd523fa92ff7">Pregnant Bridesmaid Overseas</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have a bridesmaid who stopped taking birth control one month after I asked her to be in my wedding.   She initially agreed to spend the money to fly from Sweden to the U.S. but has since told others (not me) that she is trying to get pregnant.   When I confronted her about it she said she will still be coming “unless” she is super pregnant or just had a baby.   My wedding is in October 2012.   She has already been trying and if she gets pregnant soon she will be due right around my wedding date.   <strong>Is it rude to tell her I would love her to still come if she can, but I would like to find someone to fill in for her and commit?</strong> <em>I am upset that she is asking me to wait and put my plans on hold to see if she gets pregnant.</em>   I am happy that she wants a baby but feel it is safer for her to stay there if she is trying.   If somebody here in the states got pregnant I wouldn’t mind, but she’s got to go through at least three international airports and spend thousands of dollars just to be here.   I feel this would both save us some stress and definitely her some money.
    Posted by Ladybugg05[/QUOTE]

    Bolded part: Yes.  It's rude. To her and the person you ask to fill the spot. If she can't come, then you just have one less bridesmaid.

    Italicized part: When did she ask you to wait and put your plans on hold?  She's trying to get pregnant, which has nothing to do with you and your wedding.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pregnant-bridesmaid-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a3fb995-ffdf-4cb6-b20d-37a26892f762Post:ea2b124a-d4f1-4553-9dff-dd523fa92ff7">Pregnant Bridesmaid Overseas</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have a bridesmaid who stopped taking birth control one month after I asked her to be in my wedding.   She initially agreed to spend the money to fly from Sweden to the U.S. but has since told others (not me) that she is trying to get pregnant.   When I confronted her about it she said she will still be coming “unless” she is super pregnant or just had a baby.   My wedding is in October 2012.   She has already been trying and if she gets pregnant soon she will be due right around my wedding date.   Is it rude to tell her I would love her to still come if she can, but I would like to find someone to fill in for her and commit? <strong>I am upset that she is asking me to wait and put my plans on hold</strong> to see if she gets pregnant.   I am happy that she wants a baby but feel it is safer for her to stay there if she is trying.   If somebody here in the states got pregnant I wouldn’t mind, but she’s got to go through at least three international airports and spend thousands of dollars just to be here.   I feel this would both save us some stress and definitely her some money.
    Posted by Ladybugg05[/QUOTE]

    But its OK for you to expect her to put her baby plans on hold?
    Just go on planning your wedding and she will be there if she can.
    image
  • Yikes! Let me correct some things - "confront" was the wrong word to use.  I did not, in any way, attack her when asking.  I brought it up in conversation and MANY TIMES told her that I was excited that she wanted to have a baby.

    I know people who have kicked brides who lived here out because they were pregnant and thought it was rude. I am not doing that - I even told her that I know everyone has a life that does not revolve around my wedding and that if she wanted to stay that was fine.
  • What a nerve that girl has, not putting her entire life on hold for your wedding. Get over yourself OP.

    And I almost forgot, good luck with your planning!
  • So instead of "kicking" her out you are "nudging" her out? 

    It's still rude.

    Your second post didn't address any of the points posters made.

  • I was really afraid to post this but just wanted feedback - not to seem like a selfish bitch.  I was confused about what to do and I obviously see that it would be rude and I won't say anything to her. 

    Thank you to those who were nice about the reply - and it was really hurtful for those of you who don't know me to judge me.
  • Ladybugg- you are way over doing this. You asked her to be a BM. She may or may not get pregnant. If she can be at your wedding she will, if she cant NBD.
    Seriously.
    image
  • Ask your closest friends to be your bridesmaids.  If she is who you want to stand with you, then don't substitute someone else for her because she might not make it.  As PPs said, that's rude to her, and it's rude to the woman that is your second pick.  It's ok to have uneven sides.   
  • Yawn.  No one was hurtful.  Blunt, yes.  Rude or mean, no.
  • It is rude to even suggest the not be in your wedding.  If she gets pregnant, and if she decides to step down, that is her decision alone.  If you even say something like "I understand if you cannot be a bridesmaid" that can be hurtful.  Believe me, I was recently on the receiving end of a sentence like that from a well meaning bride (regarding finances, not pregnancies) and it smarted.  Never ok.

    Couples make their own decisions when trying to conceive.  It might take her and her husband a while, so she may not be very far along in October, if preganant at all. 

    If she decides she cannot be in your wedding, please do not replace her.  It sends a message to her that she is 'replaceable' and whoever you ask will know they were not a first choice.
    Photobucket
  • BMs are supposed to be those you are closest with.  I would be crazy happy if someone I was really close with found out they were pregnant.  I really don't see how her being pregger/overseas changes anything.  Also, no one should have to put their life on hold for a wedding.  People pass away, get pregnant, move, etc regardless of whether there is a wedding or not.  
  • The real problem is that you seem to think that YOU get imput on what is safe for HER and HER pregnancy. And you also seem to think you get a say in how SHE spends HER OWN money. That stuff is just none of your business.

    Also, she lives in Sweden, not Mars. There are direct flights between Sweden and the US everyday. Flying internationally isn't a huge deal. You aren't asking her to jump out of a plane with you while you and your FI say your vows mid free-fall.
  • OP - you are just overthinking this is all.

    You asked her to be in your wedding.  Assume she is and move along with your plans.  If she gets pregnant and can't come, then she'll tell you.  It doesn't affect anything except who stands where and how many bouquets to order.

    There is no need to even numbers or to have a filler.  It'll all be fine.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pregnant-bridesmaid-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a3fb995-ffdf-4cb6-b20d-37a26892f762Post:a44dc0c4-7268-43aa-9722-63f9436e8579">Re: Pregnant Bridesmaid Overseas</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes it would be rude. She is an adult, she knows whether she can afford it and her doctor should be the one to advise her whether travel is safe or not. Also, you might be worrying for nothing.  Just because she is trying now does not mean that she will be pregnant for your wedding. I think it was rude for you to "confront" her as well. <strong> It's her uterus and you have no say in what goes on in there.</strong>
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I normally lurk but this made my ENTIRE day. I nearly spit Snapple all over my screen! </div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    130 image Are on the way! The rest don't matter... FINAL COUNT~!
  • Ugh. I'd be so pissed if my BM went off BM RIGHT after I asked her to be a BM! How selfish of her.  I'd facebook dump her.

    But really. She isn't pregnant yet.  Life happens.  If she can be there, she will be.  If she can't, be a good friend, congratulate her, and I'm sure she'll be there for you emotionally.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pregnant-bridesmaid-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a3fb995-ffdf-4cb6-b20d-37a26892f762Post:4347060e-cc9f-436d-97d0-9056ec32cee8">Re: Pregnant Bridesmaid Overseas</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pregnant Bridesmaid Overseas : I normally lurk but this made my ENTIRE day. I nearly spit Snapple all over my screen! 
    Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

    Send me an invoice for the monitor cleaning (:

    Also, we're nearly date twins!
  • edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pregnant-bridesmaid-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a3fb995-ffdf-4cb6-b20d-37a26892f762Post:d0de4915-9d08-4a29-a8ec-9cbf21a1d978">Re: Pregnant Bridesmaid Overseas</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pregnant Bridesmaid Overseas : Even if it was misworded and this is all she was asking, I still wouldn't do it.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    Of course not.  I'm just saying that I don't think her question is that inflammatory.  It's a run-of-the-mill "I know you cannot kick out a bridesmaid, but I'm a special snowflake" question, IMO.
  • Argh.  I was nice and the Knot ate it.  That's why I shouldn't be nice.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pregnant-bridesmaid-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a3fb995-ffdf-4cb6-b20d-37a26892f762Post:18bc1401-21e1-4cfc-b262-f1e14b1214b8">Re: Pregnant Bridesmaid Overseas</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pregnant Bridesmaid Overseas : Of course not.  I'm just saying that I don't think her question is that inflammatory.  It's a run-of-the-mill "I know you cannot kick out a bridesmaid, but I'm a special snowflake" question, IMO.
    Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

    Which is sort of inflammatory in itself.  Let alone the drama llama DD. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pregnant-bridesmaid-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a3fb995-ffdf-4cb6-b20d-37a26892f762Post:8bd1b43a-83ef-4991-9056-6b2cb15997a5">Re: .</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is this the first DD of the new year? We should throw confetti.
    Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

    I've been saving my confetti cannon for just such an occasion.
  • Thank goodness someone quoted. 

    Dear special snowflake: 

    She's your friend, and an adult who can make her own decisions based on what is best for her.  I suggest you also put your big girl panties on and respect her.  Don't replace her or even bring it up.  It will hurt her feelings. 

    FWIW, my best friend had her baby the day before my wedding and couldn't make it.  She wasn't replaced, but she was sorely missed. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pregnant-bridesmaid-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a3fb995-ffdf-4cb6-b20d-37a26892f762Post:d1222edd-4629-48cb-9736-a2563fe4c2a0">Re: .</a>:
    [QUOTE]Argh.  I was nice and the Knot ate it.  That's why I shouldn't be nice.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    <div>Mine was eaten too! It was half "mean" half nice.  Kind of like a sour patch kid. Hmmm...</div>
  • Were you a delicious kick in the balls, Meg?
  • Speak for youself Chrissy.  I poop puppies and rainbows. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pregnant-bridesmaid-overseas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a3fb995-ffdf-4cb6-b20d-37a26892f762Post:71c78221-61ea-4dc4-b648-65c9e10f9111">Re: .</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm so glamorous I piss glitter.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    That must hurt.
  • I like to characterize myself as always being a delicious kick in the balls, Muni.  My "RL" friends call my pitbull. Hah. 
  • MyUserName1MyUserName1 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited January 2012
    It can be your tagline.

    "Meg: Always A Delicious Kick in the Balls"
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards