Wedding Etiquette Forum

For all my non-trad brides...How do I politely decline tradition?

I'm a very nontraditional person, and I don't want to participate in many standard bridal traditions.  But I also don't want to hurt anyone's feelings in the process or imply that people who go the traditional route (which incude people very dear to me) are dumb or silly.  So help me out!

1.  NO ENGAGEMENT RING:  I won't wear one for feminist reasons.  (I'll wear a simple band after the wedding.)  But if I say that to someone who is wearing or did wear one, I'm arguably being rude, albeit honest.  What's a better answer to the question "Why aren't you wearing a ring?"

2.  NO SHOWER:  I find wedding showers to be so god-awful, and I think it's excessive to make people buy you two presents, one for the wedding, one for the shower (and maybe another for the bachelorette!)  What can I say to my friends to convince them I don't want one, and they shouldn't throw me one?

I could go on, but those are the two biggies right now.  Thanks for your help!!

Re: For all my non-trad brides...How do I politely decline tradition?

  • 1. Oh, I chose not to wear a ring.  Gosh, your's is so pretty!  Can I see it again?  How's wedding planning?

    2. Oh, I don't want a shower, but thank you for your kindness.  I can't wait to see everyone at the wedding!

    You're overthinking everything.  Not everyone needs to know your views and you don't have to explain them if you don't want to.
  • edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_non-trad-brideshow-politely-decline-tradition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a857031-4368-4b43-851c-da649d551adaPost:08411bb9-0499-4a20-839e-772dce269d37">For all my non-trad brides...How do I politely decline tradition?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm a very nontraditional person, and I don't want to participate in many standard bridal traditions.  But I also don't want to hurt anyone's feelings in the process or imply that people who go the traditional route (which incude people very dear to me) are dumb or silly.  So help me out! 1.  NO ENGAGEMENT RING:  I won't wear one for feminist reasons.  (I'll wear a simple band after the wedding.)  But if I say that to someone who is wearing or did wear one, I'm arguably being rude, albeit honest.  What's a better answer to the question "Why aren't you wearing a ring?" 2.  NO SHOWER:  I find wedding showers to be so god-awful, and I think it's excessive to make people buy you two presents, one for the wedding, one for the shower (and maybe another for the bachelorette!)  What can I say to my friends to convince them I don't want one, and they shouldn't throw me one? I could go on, but those are the two biggies right now.  Thanks for your help!!
    Posted by casyme[/QUOTE]

    <div>1. That's fine. Just say you'd rather not wear one. </div><div>
    </div><div>2. Again, fine. Just politely thank anyone who offers and say that you aren't registering so you decline.  But just an FYI, wedding gifts are always optional and bachelorette parties are usually never gift-giving events. </div>
  • You don't have to explain things. Explaining your viewpoint is what is going to cause issues (while i do agree a little, sounds like if you explain it might come off as judgy) So just say you don't want an e ring or shower, then change the subject.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • "Why aren't you wearing a ring?" "I didn't want to." "Don't you want a shower?" "No, but thank you for offering, you're very sweet." It's only as complicated as you make it. When someone kindly asks to see your ring, it's poor form to give them a lecture in how you're a better feminist than they are.
    image
  • i politely declined showers.  my MIL was really pushy.  i simply said "we dont need anything and we arent registering, but thank you just the same".
    on the ring, i would just say "joe and i opted together to not go the engagement ring route and chose to spend that money elsewhere"

    i didnt want a ring either - H insisted on buying it because his family told him he had to adn that id want it.  i told him it woudl sit in a drawer, unworn.  guess where it is right now?
  • Ditto the others.  Unless you're looking to argue just give matter of fact answers.
  • The answers here are good. 

    I myself am only wearing 1 ring.  I don't see the need for two rings.  Men only wear one ring, and I like how the one I have looks by itself.

  • Yep, what everyone else said.  I only have a wedding band - we renovated the kitchen instead of getting a diamond.  What can I say?  I'm a practical girl..
    BabyFruit Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
  • I agree. Don't overthink it. I have an ering, but it will be my wedding band as well. It's not a diamond and when people ask me why I don't have a diamond, I decline to explain that I think diamonds are hideous. Instead I talk about how much I like my ring as it is. It is an obviously an inexpensive ring, and the cheap comments come at my fiance and I once in a while. You may encounter this with no ring. I take the route of meggiemuggins - we have a larger down payment on a house growing in the bank instead of depreciating on my finger.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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