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dress color and father

Hello.
My father is very very concerned after telling him that I have ordered my dress. It is a very dark ivory (not white). And now he is concerned that I'm not a virgin. It's none of his business if you ask me. But he's freaking out and demanding to know if I am or not.
What do I do?

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Re: dress color and father

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    I'm wearing white and I'm SO not a virgin.  White doesn't mean anything anymore, so let him know that....and I agree with the PPs: don't answer the question if you don't want to.
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    I'd just tell him it's none of his business, I don't ask about your sex life and you shouldn't ask about mine, but I'm pretty candid like that. If you're really uncomfortable with talking about that with your dad, maybe just try telling him you picked the dress out because you liked it and that hadn't even crossed your mind. Tell him weddings have moved to being less traditional. The history behind the white dress didn't even represent virginity. Women wore white dresses because it showed they had a lot of wealth to afford a dress that wouldn't be worn for another occassion. I think it's really weird he even cares.
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    Ivory isn't even dark.... my dress is ivory and it looks pretty white to me.  Just tell him it is white, just a different shade.
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    Just tell him that it's pretty common to have different shades of white, varying from bright white to a dark ivory.  Then say something like the dark ivory matched the wedding colors better than the white...
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    Did P2 just out her troll, or is that a knotfuckup?
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    I saw that too...I think it's a fuckup. This does NOT belong to me, aaaaannnd...my response isn't there anymore.

    I told her goodluck. If my dad asked if I was a virgin, I'd deck him. Well...pretty much.
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    Well, are you? That's the important question.
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    I grew up believing that a woman who wore pure white on her wedding day was pure. So, my dad things if I am pure, it should be stark white, if not, it shouldn't be. I've tried telling him it's none of his business, but he won't let up. I'm 22. Really shouldn't be his business.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-color-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a9d5c9f-d65f-46ce-93a0-d007be9671efPost:8ebe112c-382f-41fd-9cbd-c1edd421f52a">dress color and father</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello. My father is very very concerned after telling him that I have ordered my dress. It is a very dark ivory (not white). And now he is concerned that I'm not a virgin. It's none of his business if you ask me. But he's freaking out and demanding to know if I am or not. What do I do?
    Posted by weddedbells[/QUOTE]

    JIC. I wish I had done that with that first response from her too!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-color-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a9d5c9f-d65f-46ce-93a0-d007be9671efPost:8a79e1e2-4a56-4e8e-8b03-8368fe6893f1">Re: dress color and father</a>:
    [QUOTE]I grew up believing that a woman who wore pure white on her wedding day was pure. So, my dad things if I am pure, it should be stark white, if not, it shouldn't be. I've tried telling him it's none of his business, but he won't let up. I'm 22. Really shouldn't be his business.
    Posted by weddedbells[/QUOTE]

    It's back! The first time you said you were 20. Which is it?
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    BecW2be, I'm 22, 20 was a typo, so I deleted and reposted. I just see now you can edit. I've been looking on theknot.com to see if there's anything regarding white and purity, but no such luck.
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    edited February 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-color-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a9d5c9f-d65f-46ce-93a0-d007be9671efPost:8a79e1e2-4a56-4e8e-8b03-8368fe6893f1">Re: dress color and father</a>:
    [QUOTE]I grew up believing that a woman who wore pure white on her wedding day was pure. So, my dad things if I am pure, it should be stark white, if not, it shouldn't be. I've tried telling him it's none of his business, but he won't let up. I'm 22. Really shouldn't be his business.
    Posted by weddedbells[/QUOTE]

    Well you are wrong. The first woman to wear white on her wedding day and popularize it was Quen Victoria. The crowds went wild! Now people who look better in ivory wear ivory.

    Seriously, who is advertising they are a virgin or not on their wedding day? That's tacky.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-color-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a9d5c9f-d65f-46ce-93a0-d007be9671efPost:0cd55a9d-87c6-4892-9294-05a74f304dc7">Re: dress color and father</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: dress color and father : Well you are wrong. The first woman to wear white on her wedding day and popularize it was Quen Victoria. The crowds went wild! Now people who look better in ivory wear ivory. Seriously, who is advertising they are a virgin or not on their wedding day? That's tacky.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    Geeze! It's the way I was brought up!! I don't expect the way I was brought up to be the question here. Weather or not my father teaching us that is right or wrong, it's not my question. My question is how to go about telling my dad it's none of his business. Without upsetting him? He IS paying for the wedding...I don't want him to retract his contributions.
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    I think you got plenty of good suggestions.

    It is not his business, and you can tell him it looks better on your skin tone and matches better with the other colors you are using. Or, tell him it didn't cross your mind, but that your teeth are still white so he should be proud. At least you aren't wearing a white dress with ivory gloves.. that would be telling.
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    edited February 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-color-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a9d5c9f-d65f-46ce-93a0-d007be9671efPost:dcb52314-a277-4476-be01-d69fe8aad560">Re: dress color and father</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: dress color and father : Geeze! It's the way I was brought up!! I don't expect the way I was brought up to be the question here. Weather or not my father teaching us that is right or wrong, it's not my question. My question is how to go about telling my dad it's none of his business. Without upsetting him? He IS paying for the wedding...I don't want him to retract his contributions.
    Posted by weddedbells[/QUOTE]

    Ahh, I get it now. You need to prove you're a virgin so he'll pay for the wedding. Ok, don't fret, there is a very simple way to do this.

    You'll need some rope and a fairly large lake. Have your dad tie you up, and throw you in the lake. If you sink, you're a virgin, if you float, you're a harlot jezebel.

    Or maybe I'm getting that confused with something else... Eh, either way it's worth a shot!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-color-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a9d5c9f-d65f-46ce-93a0-d007be9671efPost:dcb52314-a277-4476-be01-d69fe8aad560">Re: dress color and father</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: dress color and father : Geeze! It's the way I was brought up!! I don't expect the way I was brought up to be the question here. Weather or not my father teaching us that is right or wrong, it's not my question. My question is how to go about telling my dad it's none of his business. Without upsetting him? He IS paying for the wedding...I don't want him to retract his contributions.
    Posted by weddedbells[/QUOTE]

    If your dad is hung up on you being a virgin, then telling him that you're not is going to upset him no matter how you break it to him.

    Tell your dad that your sex life is none of his business.  If he takes back the money he pledged to your wedding, then grab your FI and have a wedding the two of you can afford.
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    I don't necessarily need to prove to him that I am. I don't want to tell him either way. I'm afraid if I don't he won't pay for the wedding. I'm afraid if I do, he won't pay for the wedding. So yes, I guess that's a main concern, but I don't want to lie and say I am just so he'll pay. I don't think it's important in the grand scheme of things, you know?
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    It sounds to me like your dad just wants you to say you're a virgin, whether you really are or not.  He probably knows that you're not since you've told him that it's none of his business.  I'm thinking he just wants to hear you say that you are.  I could be wrong, and I'm not saying that you should lie, but that's my take on it.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-color-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a9d5c9f-d65f-46ce-93a0-d007be9671efPost:e992171d-d361-4057-91c8-90685e0dea19">Re: dress color and father</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't necessarily need to prove to him that I am. I don't want to tell him either way. I'm afraid if I don't he won't pay for the wedding. I'm afraid if I do, he won't pay for the wedding. So yes, I guess that's a main concern, but I don't want to lie and say I am just so he'll pay. I don't think it's important in the grand scheme of things, you know?
    Posted by weddedbells[/QUOTE]

    I'm trying to figure this out.

    You're 22.  You expect your father to pay for your wedding.  You don't want to lie so he'll pay, but you don't want to be truthful because then he may not pay.

    In the grand scheme of things, you have a lot more growing up to do before you should even consider getting married.
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    impslave - why should I have a lot more maturing to do? I'm plenty mature enough to get married.My dad offered to pay. He's never said if I wasn't a virgin he wouldn't pay. I'm not acting like he SHOULD pay, but he offered, and I'm happy about that. Who wouldn't be?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-color-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a9d5c9f-d65f-46ce-93a0-d007be9671efPost:e992171d-d361-4057-91c8-90685e0dea19">Re: dress color and father</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't necessarily need to prove to him that I am. I don't want to tell him either way. I'm afraid if I don't he won't pay for the wedding. I'm afraid if I do, he won't pay for the wedding. So yes, I guess that's a main concern, but I don't want to lie and say I am just so he'll pay. <strong>I don't think it's important in the grand scheme of things, you know</strong>?
    Posted by weddedbells[/QUOTE]

    Look, if it's not that important, then don't worry about what he thinks.  Just tell him it's none of his business, and add some of the "ivory looks better with my colors" jazz.  Then I suggest you and your FI start planning a wedding you can afford WITHOUT dad's money - because it pretty much sounds like you're s.o.l. either way. 

    Orrrrr... you can have a grown-up conversation with your father and tell him that while you appreciate his concern and all he's done for you, you are a grown woman who can make her own decisions.  Coming from a family in which "waiting until marriage" was expected (HA!  yeah right, that happened), I am proof that parents'  heads will NOT implode if they happen to find out you are not a virgin.  And I was about your age when I had that talk with my parents, btw.  Guess what?  I was not disowned, I'm shacking up with my boyfriend - and my parents still love me.  Just prove that the head on your shoulders and the decency of you and your FI and your love has nothing to do with what's between your legs and it will all work out.  Promise. 
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    I was raised the same way, that wearing white meant you were a virgin, so I see where you're coming from with that. But you can explain to your dad that wearing white has absolutely nothing to do with being a virgin, and that in fact it was something only the royals could afford. And if he persists, you persist with, it's none of your business. Or just be honest, and say you aren't but you're being safe. When my dad asked me that question (oh yes, he did), I honestly told him yes but he need not worry about us being careful. If you're old enough to be making grown up decisions about marriage and sex, you're old enough to be honest with your dad or be strong enough to not let him bully you into giving an answer. And if he decides he's not going to pay based on your answer, you're grown up enough to pay for your own wedding.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-color-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a9d5c9f-d65f-46ce-93a0-d007be9671efPost:872b1e8e-5d1e-438e-a2f4-a0b1dc6d9e55">Re: dress color and father</a>:
    [QUOTE]impslave - why should I have a lot more maturing to do? I'm plenty mature enough to get married.My dad offered to pay. He's never said if I wasn't a virgin he wouldn't pay. I'm not acting like he SHOULD pay, but he offered, and I'm happy about that. Who wouldn't be?
    Posted by weddedbells[/QUOTE]

    Then why are you concerned? Has he mentioned throughout your life that it is very important that you save yourself for marriage? Is he very religious? Because if he will retract his offer to pay for your wedding based on your virginal status, that is just insane.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-color-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a9d5c9f-d65f-46ce-93a0-d007be9671efPost:26590a1b-6f2e-4c68-a18a-31ec691604e7">Re: dress color and father</a>:
    [QUOTE] If you're old enough to be making grown up decisions about marriage and sex, you're old enough to be honest with your dad or be strong enough to not let him bully you into giving an answer.<strong> And if he decides he's not going to pay based on your answer, you're grown up enough to pay for your own wedding.</strong>
    Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

    This.

    Your fingers are quicker than mine, Whit!
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    And let me add I meant, you're not a virgin. And yes I was having sex. Sorry, I swapped questions there. And T1 had a great answer. I was raised no sex before marriage too, and while my parents weren't thrilled to learn about me not being a virgin, it wasn't the WWIII that I expected.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-color-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a9d5c9f-d65f-46ce-93a0-d007be9671efPost:26590a1b-6f2e-4c68-a18a-31ec691604e7">Re: dress color and father</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was raised the same way, that wearing white meant you were a virgin, so I see where you're coming from with that. But you can explain to your dad that wearing white has absolutely nothing to do with being a virgin, and that in fact it was something only the royals could afford. And if he persists, you persist with, it's none of your business. Or just be honest, and say you aren't but you're being safe. When my dad asked me that question (oh yes, he did), I honestly told him yes but he need not worry about us being careful. If you're old enough to be making grown up decisions about marriage and sex, you're old enough to be honest with your dad or be strong enough to not let him bully you into giving an answer. And if he decides he's not going to pay based on your answer, you're grown up enough to pay for your own wedding.
    Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

    You said that so much more nicely than I did. 

    ::golf claps::
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dress-color-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a9d5c9f-d65f-46ce-93a0-d007be9671efPost:8ebe112c-382f-41fd-9cbd-c1edd421f52a">dress color and father</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello. My father is very very concerned after telling him that I have ordered my dress. It is a very dark ivory (not white). And now he is concerned that I'm not a virgin. It's none of his business if you ask me. But he's freaking out and demanding to know if I am or not. What do I do?
    Posted by weddedbells[/QUOTE]

    JIC.
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    mwhiston14 - HOW did you tell them? Seriously. I don't need my dad knowing what's going on in my yoohoo.
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    You're 22. It's not like you're 14 and messing around with some 28-year-old creeper. Your dad needs to chill the F out.

    Honestly, I wouldn't want somebody that judgmental sponsoring my wedding day. FWIW, I'm 23 and my parents are paying for most of it, but if I felt that they disapproved of me, FI, or the way we conduct our relationship, we'd be paying for it ourselves.
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    AND... chances are that unless your parents are truly naive, they're hip to your game anyway, so lying will only make things worse.
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