Officiant Etiquette

volleygurl0306

My FI and I live in FL and are getting married in VA.  We don't have any family/friends who live in VA who we are comfortable performing our ceremony (and they have to be a VA resident by local marriage laws).  We aren't religious and don't have any ministers in the area we know.  We are doing a civil ceremony and many officiants in the area charge ridiculous rates we cannot afford.  We want to write our ceremony completely and just need someone to read what we write and make it legal.  So have reached out to some JOPs in the area.  We will be planning our wedding from a distance and will probably not meet our officiant until the weekend of our wedding (not thrilled about it but with our budget and situation it'll have to do).  Do we invite the officiant to our reception?  I know it is typical but I also feel most people know their officiant fairly well (if not before the wedding planning, after going thru the process), but this won't be the case for us.  Also, other suggestions would be appreciated.  Making it legal has been the most stressful part (and is clearly important).

chattychiqa

I hear it's a no no not to. This person is marrying you. Even you don't know them, you couldn't be married without them. I'd extend the invitation. They may decline for the same reasons you're hesitant to invite them, but it'll be on them and not you.

chattychiqa

I thought you had to invite vendors too?.... I asked about hiring (as in paying) a bell choir and the general comcencus was I'd have to invite them and seat them and their +1's which seemed NUTS to me. I don't mean to derail OP but there seems to be so much contradiction in etiquette sometimes.

The Mel and Todd Show

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_officiant-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6aa82dcd-c785-4c96-91f3-a5780b033539Post:e17f4fd2-a5f6-4656-b069-3fc343b45038">Re: Officiant Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought you had to invite vendors too?.... I asked about hiring (as in paying) a bell choir and the general comcencus was I'd have to invite them and seat them and their +1's which seemed NUTS to me.

I don't mean to derail OP but there seems to be so much contradiction in etiquette sometimes.
Posted by chattychiqa[/QUOTE]



The E board told you to invite an entire bell choir with dates to your reception? Show me the link to this.

chattychiqa

It was definitely the knot--could have been another board but I'll look. It was dizzying to even think about inviting a bell choir and their guests.

volleygurl0306

Thanks for the help!  Chatty...I've never heard of that!  I just wasn't sure about the officiant because many people say they are invited because they have a relationship with them.  Other than that I agree with PP that only vendors who are there most of the day.

RaptorSLH

You don't normally need to invite vendors or vendor's SOs, but if the they are working through your reception, like your DJ/band and photographers, you do normally need to feed them.  Is this maybe what was meant?

NOLAbridealmost

We didn't invite our officiant.  We met her that day and paid her 250 dollars for 20 minutes of her time.  I wouldn't even have known her spouse's name or if she had one to invite her. 

You definitely don't have to invite the officiant unless they are a member of the clergy or you have relationship with them that is more significant than "I paid you to come and marry me"

ginadog

Same situation here:  hiring a judge, will meet him the day of, etc.

He usually does like 3 weddings on Saturdays so I'm guessing he'll be off soon after ours.  I don't plan on invting him.

PinkRoseAcct

We are inviting our pastor and family, but we know them very well.  I'm not sure I would invite someone I would meet that day.