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I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend.

Hey all! So I've run into a small issue here for our August wedding. I have a good friend who has been there through all of my 6 year relationship with my fiancé, however she recently has started dating someone from my past who I am VERY uncomfortable with. Her boyfriend made many unwanted sexual advances on me back in high school, along with several other friends. This guy alone has lured and slept with 5 of my close friends when they were freshmen high school (him being much older than them), and has had a terrible standing with me. I never put up with any of his advances but my fiancé knows about this guy (having started dating me back in high school as well) and does not want him at the wedding either because of things this guy tried to pull off back then and recently. He's a 'creeper' and doesn't know when to stop hitting on other women. 

Should we just suck it up and invite him too?  They've been together for almost a year now and she tells me he's the one for her, etc etc... I really can't invite her without inviting him it seems. But even recently when we all hung out her boyfriend was still blatantly hitting on me! He creeps me out and my fiancé dislikes him as well. What would you do?

Re: I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend.

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    How bad do you want her there?   If it's bad enough I would suck it up and invite him.   


    I mean, you could not invite him.    Just realize it could effect your relationship with her.  Only you can decide if it's worth not inviting him or not.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    Hi Crystal - I am so not the etiquette expert, so I have no advice, only an opinion.   Firstly, does your friend know of your discomfort and past with her guy?   Technically, yes you should invite him.   However if she knows the history and how you feel,  is there a good chance she'd come alone (by her own choosing) because she wouldn't want to cause stress for you?  I guess only a really direct conversation with her would answer that.   
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-want-to-invite-my-good-friend-but-not-her-creepy-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ad78398-3b71-4a92-891b-10b4d518a7d9Post:7fff030d-6170-47bb-853f-f0ae7382a215">Re: I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend. : Crystal, Yes, you need to invite him. If they are a social unit and she is on the guest list, he should be as well. If they end up coming, I seriously doubt you & your husband will really notice it at the wedding. When he hits on you, is she around for it? Have you told him to stop what he's doing? I say you need to nip that in the bud as soon as it happens. Don't make a scene, simply say you don't appreciate the comment or whatever he does, Also keep in mind that your invites don't have to go out until 6-8 weeks before the wedding. If he is as repulsive as you say he is, hopefully your friend will dump him before then. Btw, it's usually not taken well when a person seeks advice and tells the women how to respond.
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Thanks so much for the comment and advice! First of all though, by asking people to not be unneccessarily rude I don't think I'm telling anyone exactly how to respond. I've just had some really bad experiences on wedding forums with people being obnixiously rude and it adds extra stress. I really don't think it's too much to ask for people to be somewhat civil with their responses. As for the rest of your comment, I've mentioned before to my friend that I'm not comfortable with the things he says but she just says "Oh that's just him, he's probably just joking" but he's clearly not. I'm really hoping she dumps him before then, but I'm mailing out my STDs in a week or so, so I'm trying to nip this in the bud now, so to speak. </div>
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    If you don't invite him, you run the risk of it affecting your friendship with your friend. And it's true you will barely even notice him there. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-want-to-invite-my-good-friend-but-not-her-creepy-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ad78398-3b71-4a92-891b-10b4d518a7d9Post:f97b1acd-44be-40fb-86a2-819e2efe269e">Re: I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend. : No, but you are presuming we will be rude, which isn't particularly nice. I agree these forums can get a bit rough, but it is usually when someone asks for advice when they actually want to be validated, and then they lash out when that validation doesn't happen. In general everyone is pretty nice here. I think it is fine to address the STD to just her (unless they live together, in which case, address it to both). If they are still together when invites go out, then invite him. Yes it sucks that he is a creeper, but really, you won't notice him on your wedding day. Lots of shenanigans went down at our wedding that I was blissfully unaware of. I was too busy being happy about being married. You will be too.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    <div>Very true. Also I really appreciate you guys not being rude like the bad experience I've had with the forums before. I don't want anyone to think that I'm assuming everyone on here is going to be rude off the bat, so I removed that from the original post.</div><div>
    </div><div>I really hope I just don't notice him at the wedding, that would be such a dream! They do live together (in a big party house with his parents too I think) so I'll have to address it to both of them. Hopefully I'll just be too busy and happy to notice anything he might do, as long as it doesn't directly involve him hitting on me. If he does then shame on him I guess.</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-want-to-invite-my-good-friend-but-not-her-creepy-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ad78398-3b71-4a92-891b-10b4d518a7d9Post:4091f443-563b-40f3-bdd0-cf477e32feb8">Re: I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>The bad news is yes, you have to invite him. The good news is, you will be so busy with all of your other guests the day of the wedding, you won't have to spend more than 30 seconds with him.</strong>
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    Pretend I wrote this because it's exactly correct.
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    You do need to invite him if she considers him her boyfriend; however, like Lia said, you won't need to spend copious amounts of time with him. A quick "Hello, thank you for coming" will be fine and then you can go on to greet the next guest.


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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-want-to-invite-my-good-friend-but-not-her-creepy-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ad78398-3b71-4a92-891b-10b4d518a7d9Post:e326995d-9763-4ae3-b605-d951019d382e">Re: I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend. : Very true. Also I really appreciate you guys not being rude like the bad experience I've had with the forums before. I don't want anyone to think that I'm assuming everyone on here is going to be rude off the bat, so I removed that from the original post. I really hope I just don't notice him at the wedding, that would be such a dream! They do live together (in a big party house with his parents too I think) so I'll have to address it to both of them. Hopefully I'll just be too busy and happy to notice anything he might do, as long as it doesn't directly involve him hitting on me. If he does then shame on him I guess.
    Posted by CrystalSully[/QUOTE]

    <div>It will be fine. You'll see him for all of two seconds when you thank them for coming to the wedding. And then, oh well, you'll have to move on to your other guests, bye-bye! Easy as that.</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-want-to-invite-my-good-friend-but-not-her-creepy-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ad78398-3b71-4a92-891b-10b4d518a7d9Post:65c8f104-dfa2-46d2-92b0-b8e8d9f2b0df">Re: I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend. : Thanks so much for the comment and advice! First of all though, by asking people to not be unneccessarily rude I don't think I'm telling anyone exactly how to respond. I've just had some really bad experiences on wedding forums with people being obnixiously rude and i<strong><u>t adds extra stress.</u></strong> I really don't think it's too much to ask for people to be somewhat civil with their responses. As for the rest of your comment, I've mentioned before to my friend that I'm not comfortable with the things he says but she just says "Oh that's just him, he's probably just joking" but he's clearly not. I'm really hoping she dumps him before then, but I'm mailing out my STDs in a week or so, so I'm trying to nip this in the bud now, so to speak. 
    Posted by CrystalSully[/QUOTE]

    <div>Extra stress to what, your relationship?  If your relationship is so stressful, or if getting married is so stressful, you probably aren't ready to make that step anyways.  I realize that's probably not what you want to hear, but it's the truth.  Getting married to the person that you love shouldn't be stressful.</div>
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    If it were me, I would be more worried about my friend being in a relationship with that guy, rather than having to invite him to the wedding.  If your friend is happy, then you have to be happy for her.  Trying to "warn" her of what he's like when she's not in a position to listen willingly will only drive a wedge between you.  And yeah, you're stuck inviting him.  This guy sounds horrible, and I'm sorry you're in this situation.  I definitely wouldn't want any person who made me uncomfortable at my wedding.  The good news, as PPs have said, is that you won't have to see much of him at all.  I hope everything works out well for you!  :)
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-want-to-invite-my-good-friend-but-not-her-creepy-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ad78398-3b71-4a92-891b-10b4d518a7d9Post:ed3ff525-1462-465d-a728-81a60d6f4464">Re: I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend. : Extra stress to what, your relationship?  If your relationship is so stressful, or if getting married is so stressful, you probably aren't ready to make that step anyways.  I realize that's probably not what you want to hear, but it's the truth.  Getting married to the person that you love shouldn't be stressful.
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

    <div>Obviously not extra stress to my relationship, I was referring of course to wedding planning which has proven to be very stressful. The actual getting married part isn't stressful, it's the tight budget we're on coupled with the expectations of my family for the reception itself. I think you completely missed the point of that post, it has nothing to do with my relationship nor future marriage, simply the details of the celebration that we need to host for 130+ people, which we are entirely doing ourselves.. </div>
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    Thank you all so much! I hope everything works out as well. From the advice I've received from all of you lovely ladies I think it's apparent that I just need to suck it up and invite him as well. If I'm lucky he'll just be so occupied with his girlfriend and what's going on that he'll behave himself. Hopefully I won't even notice he's there as well.

    Sadly, I have warned my friend of this guy before they even dated but she was blinded by love. If he truly changes and treats her well then I'm okay with it, but right now she always just thinks he's being funny and finds him to be charming.

    I appreciate all of the responses, guys! :)
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    Splitting up couples only leads to drama.  Drama + wedding = mega stress.

    Save yourself the stress, just invite the dude.  If he comes, he'll probably be so busy sniffing at the skirts present to even blip on your radar.  The other ladies are right, the day is SUCH a blur that you won't notice him.  On my day it was only me, and my husband that I distinctly remember.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-want-to-invite-my-good-friend-but-not-her-creepy-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ad78398-3b71-4a92-891b-10b4d518a7d9Post:65c8f104-dfa2-46d2-92b0-b8e8d9f2b0df">Re: I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I want to invite my good friend but not her creepy boyfriend. : Thanks so much for the comment and advice! First of all though, by asking people to not be unneccessarily rude I don't think I'm telling anyone exactly how to respond. I've just had some really bad experiences on wedding forums with people being obnixiously rude and it adds extra stress. <strong>I really don't think it's too much to ask for people to be somewhat civil with their responses</strong>. As for the rest of your comment, I've mentioned before to my friend that I'm not comfortable with the things he says but she just says "Oh that's just him, he's probably just joking" but he's clearly not. I'm really hoping she dumps him before then, but I'm mailing out my STDs in a week or so, so I'm trying to nip this in the bud now, so to speak. 
    Posted by CrystalSully[/QUOTE]


    I want to give you the biggest hug ever for this!
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