Are you having a Bridal Shower?

sadierue

Has anyone else not had a Bridal Shower?

My bridal party hasn't offered and I wouldn't dare ask.

I must admit I am a little disappointed, I was looking forward to getting together with all the women in my life.

I was just wondering if anyone was in the same boat.


Edit: We are getting married on November 19th of this year.

damaless

You're not getting married until May next year, according to your profile, so I wouldn't be disappointed about not having a bridal shower until a lot closer to the wedding, because there is still plenty of time during which a shower could be thrown.

Gismo123

I disagree with you....I actually had this discussion with my mom who looked up the proper way to throw a bridal shower....she wanted to throw mine but found it it's the MOH who is suppose to run the show so she stepped aside and let my MOH do it and my mom's way of contributing was paying for it.  I'd be upset too if my best friend or sister or whoever I made my MOH didn't bother to give me a second thought as far as a bridal shower.  And this link is right from the horses mouth!

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridal-shower-ideas/articles/bridal-shower-host-etiquette.aspx

akhensley81

sadie, TR has a good point. Someone might be planning to surprise you. My Bachelorette Party was a complete surprise - so you never know!

Gismo, there are thousands of reasons why someone couldn't or wouldn't be able to throw a bridal shower - none of them being the fact that they are lazy. Just because a couple is getting married, that doesn't mean that anyone owes them anything. You get married because you love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together. NOT because you want people to give you stuff.

AliGirl11

OP, I would definitely be disappointed, too.  However, the PPs are correct in asserting that it is wrong from an etiquette standpoint to request that a shower is thrown in your honor.  Hopefully they are planning on surprising you!

Gismo, I think you are confused.  We are not disputing whether the MOH typically throws the shower or not.  Yes, that is customarily what happens, but it is not a requirement.  And regardless of who usually throws the shower, it is still rude for the bride to demand that one be given.  Period. 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_having-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ae2e32d-8eca-4f3a-b10e-ae433cb2c30fPost:219cb898-ea85-42ac-bd85-6a9360d6817f">Re: Are you having a Bridal Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are you having a Bridal Shower? : Cruel?  You can't be serious.  Cruel is what Michael Vick did to those dogs.  Cruel is child molestors.  Not getting a bridal shower is disappointing.  You are ridiculous. OP - I'm sorry that no one is throwing you a shower, I understand being disappointed.  Although <strong>they could be throwing a surprise one so you won't know about it until the day of.
</strong>Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

This-- In my circle, surprise showers are the norm. You have 5 more weeks. Are you moving soon, because if so they may want to wait until you have your new place so you don't have to haul things around too many times.

Gismo123

where did I say she should go and demand one?  And who says it's all about getting gifts, I couldn'tt care a less if everyone showed up to my shower with nothing but a hey congrats on your engagement......just like I don't expect anyone to show up to my wedding with a gift....I just want people to have fun and isn't that what a shower is about?  You are the ones who are throwing in about getting gifts...I never once said anything about that.

akhensley81

A "shower" is called a "shower" because the guests "shower" the bride with gifts. Asking for a shower = asking people for presents.

And you stuck your foot in your mouth right about the time you said, "I would start asking your MOH some questions about having a shower because it's her job to help organize it.  That's part of her duties for holding the MOH title.  If she's not living up to her end of the bargin I would look to someone else to hold that honor"

Calypso1977

i declined having a shower.  i did nto register, and we didnt need anything.

however, i would have enjoyed a luncheon or something, just so everyone could get together.  I dont know H's female relatives all that well.  However, no luncheon was offered, only a shower, so i passed.

Gismo123

I didn't stick my foot in my mouth....I was in the same situation as her, my mom asked if I was having a bridal shower and I said I don't know so she went to my MOH and asked her what was up and it turned out my MOH didn't know how to go about planning it, problem solved what is so rude about that huh???!! 

And I've been to a bridal shower before that was a "NO GIFT SHOWER" The bride wanted people just to bring notes of good wishes to herself and the groom.  So before you start asssuming all showers are like that get your foot out of your mouth.  Showers can mean a shower of LOVE and CONSIDERATION....sheesh.  I'm done with this now...I wish the bride to be luck and hopefully they're just making it a surprise shower!

squirrly

I actively told people I did not want a shower.  I was fine with a luncheon or tea or whatever, but no games and I didn't want people to feel compelled to give more gifts.

It's not mandatory to have one.  I can understand being disappointed, if you had hoped to have one, but you can't really ask.  I think about the farthest you can go is to say something like this:

"MOH, I'm not sure what might be in the works, but in the event that anybody needed it, I thought I'd give you a list of names and addresses for shower invites, should a shower be planned."

xyrius

I don't want a shower and I'm going to decline one if anyone offers. 

If someone decides to surprise me, I will be gracious - but I really doubt that's going to happen. 

SarahPLiz

I'm not having one, really. One of my friends put together a dinner for about 7 of us, total, and then 4 of us went to Dave & Busters to play some games. That was my pre-wedding party, but it was more like a normal girls night except I didn't pay. 2 people brought gifts but I didn't open them there. That would have been weird. 

My friends offered (BP is all out of state), but it really weirds me out for all of my same-aged friends to be spending money on gifts for me. I don't know why, but it makes me uncomfortable, especially because I know many of them's financial situation. There aren't but 7 of us invited to the wedding that are in town anyway. I promised my friend who hosted that I wouldn't go on TK and whine about not having a shower

I'm sorry that no one is offering, but its possible that either its a surprise, or no one thought of it because they assumed someone else is doing it. 

SarahPLiz

FWIW, Gizmo, get your head out of your ass. Its so far up there you need a window in your navel just to see where you are going. No one owes you a shower. Customary =/= rule. Try to think critically before you open your mouth, and people might respect your ideas more. 

[Deleted User]

I agree with pp's about a shower not being a requirement. I had one and was very grateful for it. However, if one of our family friends and my Grandma hadn't organized it, I wouldn't of had one. For my bach party, a few of my BM's and I simply went out bar hopping a few nights before the wedding. I told them no strippers and I didn't want them spending loads of money on stupid favors and what not.

[Deleted User]

Gismo, have you ever wondered why it's called a "shower?"  Perhaps because the honoree is "showered" with gift.s so indirectly requesting a shower is requesting gifts.  Wedding gifts are a bit different.  While it is traditional to give the bridal coupe a gift, it is certainly not necessary, but it would be very strange to have a shower without gifts.