Struggling over kids at wedding

sfigment

My fiance and I can't figure out what to do about his nephews.  We are having a small outdoor wedding.  My niece is our flower girl.  We have friends with kids, all under the age of 4.  We love all of these kids, including the nephews, but the nephews are extremely poorly behaved, to the point where it's not cute at all.  We want to invite the other kids, but we don't really want to invite the nephews.  I've been at weddings where kids misbehave and I never think it's a big deal.  However, I've never seen these kids sit still for a meal (they're 6 and 3) and I have seen them scream at their parents (their father screams back, doors are slammed, etc.).  They have good moments, but not nearly as often as the bad moments.  

We are heartbroken over this decision.  We know this may cause a huge rift in my fiance's family.  We know the kids will be hurt (that makes me most upset).  I'm looking for any advice - how to include them and help assure they'll be good, how not to include them and it be ok (I know  this is unrealistic).  

Thank you in advance for your insight!

Wiscisbliss

Ug.  I am glad that you understand that not inviting them will hurt feelings (the boys and probably their parents). 

If you want to invite them, making age-appropriate activities and meal choices available might help.  Sometimes kids are better behaved when they have responsibilities, I'm not sure if having the important job of Ring Bearer would do it for them   (kids who get to help pick out cereal and favorite fruits at the grocery store vs a kid who is dragged around bored out of their skull)

If you don't want to invite them... I'm not sure how you'll deal with the wrath of family when you invite 1 neice but not the nephews. 

Good Luck. 

MelissaAnne88

Decide on a rule, and stick with it.

"No kids at all."

"No kids apart from bridal party."

"No kids apart from bridal party and family."

Ghoti

My plan for our 5 2-4 year olds is to keep them busy. Entertained kids don't make scenes. I'm not talking a bounce house or anything, but we're setting up a lego table(the jumbo ones), crayons, maybe a dollhouse or something. Plus there will be dancing and food, so I think it'll be alright. As for the ceremony, I'm considering adding a velcro strap to the chairs J/k..sorta... 

sarahsaturday2701

I would say you can definitely get away with inviting the niece in the WP and no other kiddies, but if you want to invite your friends' kids you probably have to invite the nephews too. 

KelaRenee

What's wrong with bounce houses?  We're going to have one.

grizzgurl

I understand - I feel the same way.  And I have one friend who carts her well behaved children everywhere, expecting me and our other friends (who have taken time to get babysitters) change our activities to accomodate.  Don't get me wrong - I love the kids and they are great children but they are children and are expected to act that way.  It may not be the best advice but I am not including childrens names except family on the invite.  If they they pick up on it I will accomodate but I'm expecting me to be the bride and them to be the parents.  Also, if you have a later wedding, its more likely they will get a babysitter. 
Sorry if I give bad advice - I just know I have been struggling with the same thing

mkrupar

If you invite your friends kids and exclude family kids you're going to cause a huge problem in your family. If the kids act up, and the father doesn't deal with it well, they look bad, not you. If you just stick to your neice in the WP you would be fine, but you then have to exclude your friends kids. I think in this instance you should just invite them.

Allycat11

As PPs said, try to have age appropriate toys and meals available.  Some venues may even be able to bring out kids meals earlier than adult meals if there will be a wait time before dinner is served at the reception.  Those things can slightly prevent children from misbehaving...bored and hungry kids can turn into monsters   Other than that, the most you can do is mentally prepare for temper tantrums.  We are inviting probably 15-20 kds under 10, and we are prepared for the temper tantrums, especially around 8 or so when dinner is over and they start getting tired.  We are having our reception in a hotel and FI's Aunt will have a babysitter waiting in the hotel for when the kids hit a wall at the end of the night, that way all of the kids on fi's side can just go up to a hotel room with the sitter, while the adults can still party. 

MissRutig

me and my FI talked about the same issue, so im glad to see im not alone. Thanks to reading some great ideas on here, we are going to make a kids table area. with coloring books(cute templates onhere to personalize to your wedding), legos, and someother little things i can pull together.. with the amount of friends with kids under 6 i know i need something to occupy them so the adults can have a good time too.