Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is this odd?

My mothers cousin has garciously offered to host a shower for me at her house in April. It will be a Jack and Jill shower for our whole extended family (around 50-75 people). We have parties like this all the time. She is co-hosting with my mother. She has asked if we could send out STDs for the shower. I think this is really strange, I mean, I sent STDs for the wedding but I've never seen it done for a shower. My mom was planning on just doing invites around a month before. Plus I'm pretty sure most of the family either already knows about it or will soon, things don't exactly stay secret in our family. So should we send them? Or would people be confused, they already got the wedding STD.

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Re: Is this odd?

  • My cousin sent out STDs for her engagement party. Its not something I would do personally, but I didnt think anything of it, or think it was odd when she did it.

  • When I planned events, we sent STDs all the time, so they're certainly not wedding-specific. But I agree it seems awfully formal for this. If anything, I could see sending an e-mail out to people that's just a quick line giving people a heads up.
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  • Given it's large size, I don't really have a major problem with sending a save-the-date, but I'm not convinced it's at all necessary.
  • I don't find it odd, but I certainly think it's unnecessary.

    If she's concerned about giving guests enough time to make travel plans, either call up those out of town people to let them know about the date, or send the invites out earlier than planned.
  • The important/keystone event is the wedding.  I would not send an STD for anything else associated with your wedding.
  • My wedding was OOT for 100% of the guests and it was held in a resort town with limited lodging.   I thought sending out STD was kind-of necessary.

    That said, I think STD are getting a little out of control.  I like the good ole days of just using word of mouth.

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Maybe compromise and send a casual email to OOT guests? Then they can know the time and date and make travel plans if necessary. If wouldn't mail STDs though.
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  • In my family, we'd circulate an e-mail, or Facebook message, or Facebook invite, to give the heads-up as soon as the date was sent, then follow-up with more details. As it's family, I think the family norms take precedence over what the etiquette books say.
  • I'm not sure it's necessary, but I guess I don't find it odd.

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