Wedding Etiquette Forum

Invite the Ministers Wife?

I asked a question on here a few weeks back about inviting the minister of my wedding to the reception. I got good feedback on that and now I have a part 2 to that question: Now that I know he IS coming do I have to invite his wife? My mother seems to be VERY set on doing so but I don't understand. I'm not inviting the photographers husband so why would another vendor get to bring his wife? He is saying grace at the reception and basically leaving after the meal. My mom was very upset when I told her I hadn't invited the wife but I just don't understand her logic to invite a stranger to a ceremony and meal where she will only know her husband who is there to provide a service. If he was a guest I'd understand since she's his WIFE, but he's being paid to be there....am I on the bad side of etiquette here or is my mom still on her crusade to slip an invite to every possible aquaintence?

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Re: Invite the Ministers Wife?

  • The general exception to this is that you probably know the minister.  You probably aren't good friends with the photographer.
  • Your photographer is working at the reception.

    Your minister is not.  He's invited as a courtesy, and should be invited with his wife.

    And what Snippy said.
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  • I'd invite her.
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  • Actually the photographer is leaving before the meal starts and the minister is saying grace, eating and then leaving (he told me I'm not assuming that). He wasn't going to come to the meal until we asked him to say grace, and we are paying him for the extra time he is there.
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  • Do you have a relationship with this minister outside of your wedding? Like, do you attend his church regularly?
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • millkn2millkn2 member
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ministers-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ba4c382-7089-493e-9786-7022e97d9caePost:60cb503e-f2e3-4c7f-a363-399c14ade168">Re: Invite the Ministers Wife?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Actually the photographer is leaving before the meal starts and the minister is saying grace, eating and then leaving (he told me I'm not assuming that). He wasn't going to come to the meal until we asked him to say grace, and we are paying him for the extra time he is there.
    Posted by greygarnett[/QUOTE]

    Why are you paying him to stay longer? That is very strange. Typically you make a donation of about $300.

    You need to invite the minister and his wife. It is the proper thing to do.
  • That's a bit strange.  The advice you were given is for conventional situations, which yours is not.

    So in this case, you're not inviting the photographer, so you certainly wouldn't invite her husband.

    I'd almost say that this is nothing more than a business arrangement, in that case, and that you wouldn't have to invite her.  But if you have a relationship with him then, yes, you should.
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  • greygarnettgreygarnett member
    10 Comments
    edited May 2011

    I used to attend the church but moved from the town when I was out of high school and have not been back. I am using him now because we are getting married back in my home town. My mother and grandmother are the only ones who know him but only through the church.

    We are paying him extra because it's outside of his normal duties, and not in the church itself (so he has to travel) it came to $250 total so we didnt care to question why.

    Edit: I know its an odd situation thats why I'm a bit confused myself. I see so many posts on here about B-list guests and I didn't know if it was more rude to not invite her than to invite her with 2 months left just because her husband agreed to say grace.

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  • B-lists are generally frowned upon on TK...

    Just invite the wife, she may not even come. 
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  • Two months left is a pretty normal time to invite someone.
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  • millkn2millkn2 member
    10 Comments
    Who is paying for the wedding? If your mom is, then you should invite the wife for sure. Either way it is rude IMO to not invite the wife though.
  • We're paying for it.
    Either way the point seems to be invite the wife. Thanks ladies for the advice. :)
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  • Just weird that he would "charge" you when your family(mom and others) regularly attend his church. A "donation" yes, a fee no. IMO. Inviting the wife, as you said you are paying for this prayer(as weird as it sounds and IMO not right) so she shouldn't be invited but to save face & invite her since it is your mom's church.
  • edited May 2011
    I invited our officiant and his wife to the wedding and reception, and he RSVP'ed for 1 at the ceremony and 0 at the reception.  I would just invite her, but I doubt she'll come since her husband will be leaving so soon.  The charging for extra time seems weird to me, too.

    edited for clarity
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    If you have invited him to the reception -- he IS a guest.  If any guest is married, his or her spouse should be invited as well.

    If you wanted him there only to provide a service, then you should not have extended an invitation to the reception.

    Am I following this correctly?  Have I missed something?
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