Not inviting family...

kmpagp

This is my fiance's second wedding, my first. I have no desire to have the big wedding and would prefer to just have a few close friends and immediate family. Can I do this without offending my extended family? We are a tight knit bunch and seeing as this isn't a finance-driven decision (budget isn't a concern), I don't think they will get it. My father is the oldest of 7 and I have 20 cousins, half of whom are married or in committed relationships. I'd like to keep the guest list around 50 and just that part of my family makes up more than half of that! Also, my aunt and uncle on my mother's side would be crushed if I didn't invite them, but if I did I would have to invite my father's siblings. If I invited anyone on my father's side then I would want to invite the cousins I am especially close to... but then I offend the rest of the cousins. I just don't know where I can stop!

How can I approach this so as not to offend anyone? And please excuse the rambliness of this post, I'm a bit overtired

JessAndTrav

I think it's possible if done VERY carefully. You'd have to keep the list very small to pull it off, only including TRULYimmediate family and the absolute closest friends you have.

If it's possible, I suggest a DW of some sort. Not to anywhere exotic, necessarily. Even like 2-5 hours outside of where you live.

shellydiane820

It is, but like pp said, immediate family, mom dad, and siblings.  If you start throwing any aunts and uncles in the mix, people are going to be upset.

squirrly

I think it's impossible to do without hurting somebody's feelings.  Doesn't mean it isn't totally ok to do - but understand that somebody will be hurt.  Maybe several somebodies. 

If you want a small wedding - have a small wedding.  Keep your cuts uniform, though - all the aunts and uncles or none of them.  A Destination Wedding might soften the blow a bit for some, but it's unlikely to address it entirely.

SarahPLiz

It is possible. If you are closer to your mom's side than your dad's, then they must realize that. I only have 2 first cousins on my dad's side, that I grew up across the road from, but 10 on my mom's side, who I saw maybe once every 5 years and havent seen at all in at least 10 years, besides on FB. Cousins on Dad's side are invited, mom's are not. We are keeping a very small guest list too.

I think that if you keep it to immediate family only, and the ones that you are closest to, the the others will understand. Budget is a definite concern this day and age, so even if it isn't your concern, they may assume that it is. Also, PP's advice about a DW is a great way to keep a small guest list. The more travel involved, the fewer people will make it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'd actually invite your mom's side (since its small) and not your dad's side. Do they talk to each other? I don't necessarily think its unfair to do that, depending on the relationships.

PDXMartha

Invite who you want to be there.
Years ago, I went to a friend's wedding, which was a small intimate ceremony.  Only CLOSE family and freinds were invited.  This meant that some of the bride's older siblings were not invited.  There was something like 9 or so of them, and she was the baby by quite a few years.  By the time she was born, several were long out of the house and therefore never were close.
My sister in law, when she married my brother, initially wanted and insisted on a small wedding, maybe 80-100 guests total.  She assumed this would include family (extended as far as aunts and uncles and cousins) and close friends.  It didn't happen.  Our side of the family invite list was well over 100 people alone, granted not all went, of course.
I figure whatever you and your fiance (and whoever is paying for it) agree on is fine.    If you want it that small, people are going to know they aren't as close with you as others may be.  And besides, no guest "deserves" an invite to your event just for knowing you (ok, except in some cultures.....).