How Would You Address This?

thatxogirl

Hi All,

I normally lurk on this board, but have run into a tricky invitation addressing issue that I know someone here should be able to answer

I have a married couple who are both doctors (he a PhD, she a veterinarian.) Professionally, she goes by her maiden name but socially her married name. How would you address this invitation? Help!!

Thanks!

Calypso1977

id say if she uses her married name socially, then she's probably ok with Dr. and Mrs. John Smith.

StephBeanWed61502

"Drs. Jane and John Doe," or else "Dr. Jane Doe and Dr. John Doe."

annakb8

I would do The Doctors Smith or just leave out titles alltogether. Traditionally no one but MDs went by the title Doctor in social situations. I'm not entirely sure where a vet fits into that, but I know a PhD is not technically supposed to be called doctor outside of professional settings.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-address-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6c14a5ec-99c3-44fd-83a0-52caef66ea2dPost:3b407b10-df43-43bd-908d-c5de516321ac">Re: How Would You Address This?</a>:
[QUOTE]id say if she uses her married name socially, then she's probably ok with Dr. and Mrs. John Smith.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

I strongly disagree with this.  If I worked hard to earn the title "Dr." it would bother me to see myself addressed as "Mrs.," especially when you did my husband the honor of addressing him properly.

ElisabethJoanne

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-address-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6c14a5ec-99c3-44fd-83a0-52caef66ea2dPost:3b407b10-df43-43bd-908d-c5de516321ac">Re: How Would You Address This?</a>:
[QUOTE]id say if she uses her married name socially, then she's probably ok with Dr. and Mrs. John Smith.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

FWIW, this is what Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Guide to Etiquette, 1958 says to do.

That book also says that my mother, a MD, must be "Mrs" so as not to outrank my father, who has no doctorate. That rule we've scrapped for "Mr. John Smith and Dr. Jane Smith."

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-address-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6c14a5ec-99c3-44fd-83a0-52caef66ea2dPost:deedc4e5-fc83-476b-bc96-f3b089f6b2ba">Re: How Would You Address This?</a>:
[QUOTE]Educational degrees don't go on an invitation. P.S.  Everybody works hard at their jobs.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

I'm not saying they work harder because they're doctors, I'm saying they worked hard to become "Dr. Smith" as opposed to "Mrs. Smith," and I know several women with PhDs who view being addressed as "Mrs. Smith" as offensive, and I agree with them.  If you would address a man with the same degree as "Dr. Smith" then a woman is entitled to the same courtesy.

Ciardasully

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-address-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6c14a5ec-99c3-44fd-83a0-52caef66ea2dPost:0c2aa470-912c-46f2-8cda-56635d52bb0b">Re: How Would You Address This?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How Would You Address This? : I strongly disagree with this.  If I worked hard to earn the title "Dr." it would bother me to see myself addressed as "Mrs.," especially when you did my husband the honor of addressing him properly.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

I had the same thought.

cindyn9178

A medical doctor should be referred to as Doctor.
A PhD should be referred to as Dr.
Since she uses her maiden name, her name should be listed first, on a separate line.

So it should be (assuming a vet is considered a medical doctor):

Doctor Jane Smith
Dr. John Doe

HeatherR45

This is a pretty helpful article, except how it says to address everyone by their middle names...not happening here. Since she did take his last name, I would put "The Doctors Smith". http://www.calligraphybycarrie.com/images/noregrets.pdf
If in doubt, I would just ask her, that way you don't offend anyone.

jessicabessica

PhDs are not referred to as "Dr." socially.  I would make an exception to this rule if you know that he goes by "Dr." socially and would be offended.  DVMs get "Dr."  

If she goes by her maiden name:

Doctor Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe 

("and" if they're married, not separate lines; woman always goes first; spell out doctor)

If she uses his last name socially:

Doctor Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe (I also think Doctor Jane and Mr. John Doe sounds right, but crane disagrees)

if he also goes by "doctor," you can use "The Doctors Doe."

ElisabethJoanne

Kinda, I don't know the edition number, but the last date on the copyright page is 1958, as I indicated.

mica178

They are married, so they should be on the same line with an "and" between the names.  The "and" indicates marriage.

According to Crane's, PhDs and women traditionally drop their professional titles.  So it'd be Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.  However, if you are going to list him as Dr., then you can either list her as a Mrs. if you want to use the same last name, or as Dr. if you use her maiden/legal name.  So, either Dr. and Mrs. John Doe or Dr. Jane Smith and Dr. John Doe.

The "Doctor" vs Dr. thing is for the host line, not for addresses.

tenofcups4me

Honestly, I'd just ask her the best way to address her. She should be referred to as Doctor, but if she goes by Doctor Jane Smith professionally but Jane Doe socially, then I don't know if it makes any sense to call her Doctor Jane Doe. And some PhDs really want to be known socially as Doctor, while others don't. Too many variables on this to make any educated guess about the best way to address them.

Kristin789

I think you should go with
The Doctors Jones
because that covers everything.

My DH and I have a similar situation (although I did take his last name), and here's how our mail is addressed:

75% = The Doctors Smith
20% = Dr. Ray Smith and Dr. Kristin Smith
4% = Drs. Kristin and Ray Smith
1% = Kristin and Ray Smith

And just ONE person addresses our mail like this:
Mr. and Mrs. Ray Smith

Yeah.  Just one.  And it's DH's mom.  Sigh...

thatxogirl

Thanks everyone! Unfortunately, I don't know them - he is a (former) colleague of FI and I've never met his wife, so I can't just ask. I'll probably just go with The Doctors Last Name or both first names, no titles. While not formally proper, seems the least offensive/safest option? Thanks again!