Do I have to invite my estranged sister-in-law?

laurad803

We're have a very small wedding...immediately family and grandparents only in July. My younger brother has had a tempestuous relationship w/ his wife(long story, lots of drama, but she's had a boyfriend for a lot of that time while still be married to my brother), and they've been separated for a year and a half. Anyways, I just found out that they're trying to 'work things out,' but there's no way that I want her at my wedding. She starts crap and causes drama anytime she's around the family for even an hour or so. We're going to be at a B&B for a weekend, and I think she would ruin it.

Would it be completely inappropriate for me to not invite her? I just know she'll try to ruin it somehow...

smokeybailey

It won't help your brother to work things out if she is left out of your wedding.  Send the invite to him and her and he can decide if they are on or off for this.

laurad803

I don't know if this affects anything, but when we went on a family cruise she was horrible to my mother and made rude, insulting comments the entire trip...even after being called out about it by my brother. THAT's what I don't want at my wedding...

brookelynpaisley

If he's attempting to work it out, then you need to invite her. Unfortunately, we don't get to choose our in-laws, so you're going to have to suck it up and be a gracious hostess to her.

RachNRich

Do you trust your brother to make a good judgement call in regards to whether or not he'd like her to join him to your wedding? Especially if they've been separated?

Either way, it seems like you've already made up your mind.

smokeybailey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-estranged-sister-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6c8f0f44-9182-4200-9d17-b5b08eb49de1Post:6d97fb29-e8cd-4781-a3bb-480c685bf79b">Re: Do I have to invite my estranged sister-in-law?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know if this affects anything, but when we went on a family cruise she was horrible to my mother and made rude, insulting comments the entire trip...even after being called out about it by my brother. THAT's what I don't want at my wedding...
Posted by laurad803[/QUOTE]

Not your problem.  It's his.  If they are together, they get an invite.

If you don't want to invite her and don't care what etiquette says, then don't ask, don't invite.

brookelynpaisley

Perhaps this is a conversation had with your brother, as Rach insinuated. What does HE think. Does he want her to be his guest? Because at the end of the day, whether you like her or not, she's his wife, and it would be rude to not allow her to come if he would want her there.

riverjib

She's still married to your brother. Even if they file for divorce this year, as long as she's married to him and they're trying to work it out, you have to invite her.

Catwoman708

If they are separated at the time invitations go out, I'd say don't invite her.  But if they are "on again" at that time, she shoudl be invited with your brother, whether you like her or not. 

If they are together, and you don't want her at your wedding, then you will have to also exclude yoru brother.

laurad803

Thanks for the advice everyone...I think right now I'm just going to wait and see if they're still together when it's time to send the invites out. If not, then she won't be invited.